now we only have a few days to go to be all caught up again and if we consider that there already was an entry for the eighth and for the ninth of this month in which I was tagged and rambled, ranted and raved, vilified (and probably offended most humans) and enchanted (yeah, like a dream, like droned on and on until we were all asleep) respectively, then there's just today (which would be the tenth, technically, but this entry shall return to the seventh to capture the mood and such because there was a serious mood to be expressed so drift back with me now, or soon, like maybe the next paragraph... or the third) to be technically caught up... but is that ever good enough around here?...

not on your mad-dash-to-a-thousand-entries life...

ultimately, I am not here (do not want to to be here) just type out entries for the sake of having a lot of entries... and I rarely do, if ever, but I won't let you know precisely which entries are the truly deepest most important to read and which entries are the forget it, I was high on bug spray or something worse, like drowing in my own apathy without an irreverent lifesaver in sight... yes, that happens now and then, I think...

look, you just read all of the entries here and the hundreds there and then start on the rest of the entries elsewhere and you decide which you like best, mean the most, are most wasted space, and all the other diary awards you can think of and then you tell two friends and they'll tell two friends and we'll get a groundswell of public opinion and then we'll know what everybody thinks...

but it would mean a whole lot more to me to know precisely what you think without giving you the precise self-assessment (which is relatively worthless in many ways) to influence your assessment on your own...

someday, someone will (and blow me away)...

ideally, all the reading can be done while on an Eliptic LifeCycle thing at a gym so you're most optimally fit and therein have your faculties sharpened to crystal clarity when you place your heart in my hands as I am doing for you right now...

just give me a few months to catch up...

not too much to ask for true love, but if you would rather not fall and wish to be a true friend, that would be almost ideal and most appreciated (for a true friend would eventually help me find true love, as I would for you too)...

did you ever see a movie that just melted you into a puddle of emotional mush made of one part tears and one part goo and one part sunshine and one part the most vulnerable stuff possible in the universe?...

did you ever meet someone who did that to you?...

I did...

Three Doors Down play The Real Life in my ears at the moment... Rasputin flips through channels and pauses briefly at Serendipity, Sleepless In Seattle, Jerry McGuire, The Bachelor and a few others and I wonder where the real life has gone... it was here once, the sharing with the person who brought out the best in me, a better part of me than I could ever be all by myself...

as I write this I am sleepless in Orlando... and one reason the entries fell behind again this week was the extra time I spent at work, but the primary reason was loneliness and the rising hunger to share the meaningful depths and love more intimately in this life... now it's been a few days since I've slept and I stay awake hoping for some sign of life, some ray of hope, some spark of inspiration that will return the magic to this life, the magic of being in love...

do I sit here by myself?...

I know you're out there somewhere...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)