diaryland statistics tell me that only 15 people (or at least 15 unique hosts) visited me yesterday to read the weeklong buildup of plaque and irreverence that comes from living in this world without writing much for a whole week... the method to my madness, that is, the way to survive being quite loopy between the ears due to excessive cranial content or crossed circuits or at least massive power surges is to open the flood gates regularly, daily even, and let whatever might be brewing, stewing, or misconstruing up there pour out wherever and however it can...

and the brain chips fall where they may...

anyway, hopefully the fifteen people who visited me are not determined now to never darken my door again because they've been completely offended by something they ate, or something I wrote, or something in the air tonight (thank you Phil Collins)... I so very much appreciate the one of you who actually responded notably (and accepting, no less, my flabber is gasted, my smile has left my face and is dancing around the room, happiness pours out of my pores, did I say thank you?) and the couple of you who playfully chastized me privately... that leaves twelve of you who might be indifferent or laughing (or shaking your head with pity) silently or perhaps loading up your shotgun and planning a bit of a road trip to correct my attitude... please bring lubrication...

life in black and white, huh?...

I just deleted a half a gig of mail without looking at it... that is what came in this week and went directly to my junk mail folders... talk about obscenity and offending offenders... that did not include the 88 tagboard notifications I received telling me there are 88 SPAM tags over at candora's tagboard... so it is looking like the tagboard method of communication will go the way of the comments (which were discontinued this year due to excessive junk advertisings for porn, sex porn, child porn, animal porn, alien porn, and porn porn, not to mention gambling, hair growth, mortgage bargains, and of course, penis and breast enlargements)... and now, in the past two days, my guestbook is receiving SPAM as well... swingers want me... how sweet...

of course I am a bit ambivalent about blocking swingers, since I've run online email groups for sexually active seekers (I probably should see what is going on these days in those groups I used to moderate, to be fair and polite, after all)... many groups that started back in the 90s when I was an undercover internet starlet are still open and some are still active, a few actually being moderated as well as I am able, and most are not for adults only, but I just don't have time to play in email groups these days)...

who remembers BBS?...

anyway, if anyone in Orlando is interested in living with one of these guys, then you can find his ad in the roommate group... or just ask and I'll give you the details... after all is said and done, I've got much more fun to have with myself than I have time to do, but it's the sharing I want to do most and that takes two and there are not enough people bouncing off walls like I do around me these days... and most locals don't even read me, so what's their excuse, aye?...

I need a vacation...

I was thinking about that a bit earlier when I decided it was time to actually write an email or two... I'll cheat now and include what I wrote about it... I haven't actually gone anywhere in a few years... I don't think I've taken a full week off since February 2001... I suppose I am balancing the books, since I took most of the decade of the nineties off for fun and frolic and the occasional crash and burn...

so what's new?... I am back to my relatively boring and uneventful life of working extra shifts at the hospital, using my emotional energy in professional capacities cuz life outside of work and offline remains lonely, and rambling on in my web worlds because the brain requires relatively constant stimulation and release...

I went to see War of the Worlds last weekend because Natasha and her friends needed a ride and I was invited to tag along... I can take happy solace (I won't mention here that the typo turned the previous word very close to a certain laxative) that I'm cool enough to be invited to tag along with a group of 15-16 year old girls, aye?...

decent movie for it's genre, but more special effects than story... I saw something else the week before, but it slips my mind just now... couldn't have been too great... Precious is out at a meet-n-greet for Josh Groban fans at a local Chinese buffet... I almost went along, but decided to catch up on reading and writing instead (it is seldom quiet around this place, so I am relishing the peace)...

I still need a vacation...

that is the part of being poor that sucks... on the other hand, having had a lot, I do not even a little bit miss the fake people who always came around only because I had a lot and would share easily and who really could care less about me... I suppose that bad taste is why I'd rather not have a lot, at least not while I am alone...

and diving deeper into me, cuz I am so sure you want to know all the gory details, even if there are none, I'm more bummed out than I want to be cuz life is rather devoid of true caring offline friends these days (thank goodness for people needing me around the house and on the job)... deep down, I remain stagnant in a lazy semi-self-pathetic malaise when I am not working or caring for my roommies... I suppose that few see that malaise, since I am genuinely happy to give and share and help and do not empower my inner loneliness (or longing for someone besides me to believe in me as much as I do, or fear that maybe nobody ever will) dominate my affect or thoughts...

I wrote some stuff I like and put some of it out on the web on my various websites and got some wonderful feedback that has me bouncing around excited inside... saved by the music once again... and I'm still looking forward to finding local friends (what can I say, I am addicted to optimism)... I got a bunch of CDs (and other stuff) in the mail from far away net-friends (did I adore you yet today?) and someone I sent a dollar to a while back actually sent me two dollars back, which are definitely great sign that there are truly sincerely caring people out there in the world no matter what the news says about what humanity does in it's daily deeds of destruction (I do not like the news)...

speaking of the news (Rasputin just had to turn it on), I see there's a hurricane rounding Florida again (already) and hope we don't have another season of major damage, though I still get excited about storms and love experiencing them... like roller coasters, I hope the car doesn't leave it's tracks, but love the feeling that it's about to and just might...

I'm listening to Marianne Faithful's Greatest Hits at the moment... I haven't heard this music in decades... I found the CD at the library and it's stirring up some wonderful memories... I think, all in all, I am drawn to soft folk a lot... and gentler songs that express sweet sentiment and profound emotion may be my favorite genre after all... I think the words must be clear and easily understood or the song should be an instrumental... though Harry Chapin shows me that any genre, any story put to music, attracts me... story songs, that's my favorite genre, and musically the sound should match the story...

of course primal screaming has it's place too (but why bother with words then)...

well, this entry started this morning when I woke up and then I wandered over to email and forgot about it and then it continued after I woke from a nap and then paused again as Rasputin got home and I set fantasy baseball teams and then I nodded off again and came back and here we are... talk about a lazy day (and loving every minute of it Jerry)...

there's still a week's worth of entries floating around somewhere and they'll find their way out to you eventually, proving once again that time is relative (and relatively meaningless) here in this web world... I hope you are enjoying yourself, wherever you are and if you're ever in Orlando, say hi...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)