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2004-01-17 - 7:45 p.m.

202 Things

after the last pathetic entry I decided I needed sleep... and more inspiration... so I went to sleep and after some sleep, I went hunting for inspiration... eventually, this journey (along with others) will be documented here, but for now I shall present the first results of my search for inspiration here, now... or at least soon... actually, I will be creating it after this paragraph concludes...

or this paragraph... I think another paragraph might be helpful as an explanatory note so you might understand what it is I am doing, or going to do, or attempting to do when I finally finish explaining what it is I will be doing or at least attempt to do when I finish this explanatory paragraph... errrr, ummmmm, yes, ok...

start again...

I have seen many ways of introduction online... in this reference, many is approximately a dozen or few... I have presented myself in introductions in words many times... in this reference, many would be some number with five or possibly six digits in it... yes, that many times... hundreds of them are online... dozens are linked in my diaries and journals... do the research as you wish...

yes, that as you wish was a film reference...

so does this entry looks like it might be closer to an introductory entry than any others?... give it time (it does appear that we will need a few additional explanatory paragraphs)... what I am slowly leading up to is 101 things... you've seen them, right?... if not, you've not been browsing very much or at least you've not been noticing the links on so many diary/journal/blog pages... look it up as you wish, but if you don't this entry might be even odder than it appears to be for you... but then, you may be used to that if you come here often... do you come here often?...

about 101 things... I don't have one... never did... I suppose I could format a lot of my entries (like this one) in the one line per thought 101 things format, but not right now... right now I'd like to hang on to the idea I came here to explore... if that's ok with you and the rest of the voices in my head...

I have decided to write my first 101 Things (this page, I suppose) as a response to someone else's 101 Things (that would be Tim's 101 Things, right?... are we confused yet?... give us time), however odd that might seem... it may be cheating... it may be confusing, as I am not Tim... heck, I don't even know Tim, yet... I might like to though... I only saw his 101 Things today (or would that be yesterday by now?) and it and he inspired me to respond with my own Things (below)... now is that confusing?... hope not...

it (this thing being created right here before your eyes, whatever it may be or become) may be a stroke of genius that starts a plethora of such 101 Things Responses on web pages everywhere listed right along with surveys, favorites, about me, friday fives, and all the other narcissistic stuff we just love to put in our diary/journal/blogs... face it, we are screaming for attention out here and the most aloof flippant sarcastic cynical "coolest" of us all is probably the one most in dire hunger for attention... or at least the most talented one of the most hungry... that would not be me, I do not have such lofty talent... I do have the hungers... yes, once again, click and explore as you wish...

so here we go... I might have to take this page down if Tim doesn't like me using his words here, but since he is the inspiration for an almost entirely new and almost interactive way of adding more self to the web, perhaps he will appreciate the glory he is about to receive... hopefully he has the sense of humor to laugh with me at my self-engradizement and lack of spelling abilities... time will tell, as he wishes...

hope you enjoy my feeble attempts at self-mockery...

but seriously...

Thank you Tim for the inspiration for my first 101 Things About Me, Mostly, Sorta... now, to further attempt to eliminate possible confusion, once the Things itself start (another paragraph or two, I promise), the words of Tim are in a different color and indented, my 101 Things About Me Responses are not indented and in the same white on black because, after all, this is life in black and white... now with a touch of color...


just one more thing though (isn't it always... but seriously, this is important too... right... really, stop laughing and pay attention)... I just decided to call this 202 Things (TA-DA!... as opposed to 101 Things... it makes sense, I think... you'll see if you read on where I decided that)... for further clarification (and definition, a-hem):
202 Things is when you respond to someone else's 101 Things, ok?)... try it... maybe it'll start a new trend...

so now, without further ado...

202 Things
(that's when you respond to someone else's 101 Things)

All about me <---(that color would be Tim)
this would be me, not all about me, just more about me... I think...
1. My name really is Tim.
my name is really ric... or Ric, if you prefer capital letters... I don't, but I don't judge you by your grammatical choices... and actually, my name is a lot longer than ric, but I don't think these 101 things are supposed to ramble on the way I usually do so I shall do my best to follow the format Tim sets for me... from now on... I think...
2. Timdangerous is my penname.
candoor is my pen name for this diary... I have others... many...
3. I chose it after reading a dime store detective novel when I was little in which the hero was named Mike Dangerous. I thought it was cool.
I chose it cuz candor was already taken at Dland and I already used candora and thought candoor fit better than candorb... when I learn enough about HTML and geeky stuff I will probably consider candork*, but candorc, candord, candore, candorf, candorg, candorh, candori, and candorj might come first... steal any of these ideas and I will haunt you and mock you mercilessly if you do nothing with them... you've been warned...

* obviously someone took this seriously as candork is already taken... yes, I checked... the crime is they are not using the name yet... not at all... see?... dastardly, isn't it?... or at least despicable... I will begin the haunting just as soon as the criminal dares use the name... until then, note the merciless mocking... and evil laugh... ha ha ha... be afraid, be very afraid...

** actually I hope they do something great with it, like mock me (which is precisely partly what I planned {shhhhh} on doing with it, along with talking about and trying out all the amazing techno-dorky things I want to learn), for then my ego might be placated and they might get some merci...

4. Some people see the irony in calling myself this.
5. I own a trucking company.
can I have a high-paying-do-nothing job in a relatively tropical climate?... can't hurt to ask... I am only partially joking...

I own this old laptop and a car and a few other things, very little else... I don't want much, but I love giving things to others...

I have been trucking, I can truck...
6. I have been married now for 19 years, to the same girl.
my envy feels good because it tells me I am still alive and still dreaming of romance and hoping it happens to me... I have been in serious relationships... I am alone at this writing...
7. I have two daughters, one is seven years old, and the other is six months old.
I have created no children that I know of... I have had a hand in helping some children go through major stages of development and one still calls me daddy today... I love that...

my roommate's fifteen year old daughter just moved in, does that count?...
8. I wanted girls. I did not want boys.
gender does not matter much to me... I love to nurture...
9. We were married 13 years before we had children.
I have never been legally married, though bonded well beyond the legal or emotional norms of our culture more than once...
10. I am dyslexic.
I love typos...
11. I was an abused child.
I was very neglected emotionally, but suffered little physical abuse as a dependent child... I was abused in too many ways as an adult (I am still uncertain I am one thought, an adult, that is)...
12. Ive had an open roux-N-y bypass.
I had to look this up... my roommate has a girlfriend who did it, but I've always had an internal trigger that seems to keep my cap weight at about 30 pounds over my optimal body weight (max may have been about 50 pounds over once)... in other words, when I reach that cap I usually decide to eat healthy and exercise more... body weight fluxuates a lot and I know that is not healthy, but I love food... all sorts of food, health and not... these days I could use a good influence, healthy eating and exercise partners...
13. I have lost over 300 pounds.
I lost about ten last week, gained back most this weekend... that's what happens in this body with my current eating habits... I started working out at the gym last month after laying off for a couple of years (except for occasional bursts of running) and maybe I'll stop my weekly binging on the fat-rich-sugary foods my taste buds love and find a more moderate path focusing on the veggies and supposedly healthier foods I also enjoy a lot...

this body is about 30 pounds over optimal body weight at this writing... this should change over the next few months...
14. I procrastinate. Badly.
I procrastinate quite well, actually... in fact, you could say I am a professional because I do get paid to do it... I can be motivated...
15. I have depression.
I know depression... I stay away from modern medical science as much as possible because I work in the field and do not trust most of the facts taught, the decisions and judgements made, and the supposed cures... I do not believe in most of the definitions modern psychology uses to categorize people for ease of economy and placate people with labels and easy answers... I function within relatively acceptable parameters in the professional world because I keep my mouth shut and work night shift... I don't do much in the social world because I don't have nearby friends who do much... but I'd like to...
16. I take medication for it, or I would sit in the dark and cry.
I avoid drugs these days (have almost a decade of history of experimenting with them)... I don't think I ever required them to be happy or survive, though I may be wrong... I do believe in chemical imbalances in the brain and am fascinated what goes on in the skull... I still consume caffeine and all the drugs in chocolate, probably more often than I should...
17. I have vivid nightmares every night.
I almost never remember dreams...
18. I quit smoking on New Years Eve, 2000.
I smoked for a few years on and off, especially when I drank alcohol... I stopped in the eighties... don't miss tobacco at all, in fact, am rather repulsed by it... occasionally have a sense memory of missing the effects of THC and other chemicals...
19. I collect bendable toys, like Gumby and Pokey.
I sometimes collected things in this life... I put lots of stuff into boxes in 1990 and put those boxes in storage in 1995 and haven't seen any of it since 1999 (most not since 1995, some not since 1990)... the storage facility is 50x20 feet and full to above ten feet... it is also about 1700 miles from where I live... someday i'd like to move the stuff closer and open all those boxes and see what I used to collect... I know the bulk of is is music, books, games, toys, and electronic stuff... and some clothes...

as a young child I collected baseball cards and comic books and scholastic book club books and coins and some other stuff, but many tens of thousands of those cards and books and coins were somehow lost when I went into the Army... I put the stuff in plastic bags with dry-rot protection in the bags and then sealed the bags and boxes as airtight as possible... the parents I had at the time said they did not remember me leaving any boxes in their basement... I learned to let go of stuff...

I call them the basement boxes... I would be very wealthy today if those basement boxes did not disappear... life goes on...
20. I am lazier than I want to be.
me too...
21. I can design my own web pages, but am so lazy I will use others designs, like this one.
I could learn how to design my own web pages, but am so lazy I do not make any effort to learn... I have minimal design skills...
22. I build computers for fun.
I can follow a schematic diagram, but am too lazy to get parts and play with the inside of a computer case... I push the button and demand that it works... when it doesn't work, it is broken...
23. I believe in Extra Terrestrial life, beyond that of ours.
I want to believe...
24. I run the SETI screensaver in hopes I will hear from outer space.
I might run that screensaver if I had a computer with more than 64MB RAM... I would love to be contacted...
25. I am an animal rights activist.
I applaud...
26. I was once arrested for throwing red paint on a lady coming out of a furriers store.
I don't see the point, but I think that all life deserves much much more respect, freedom, and caring than most humans give it...
27. I was nearly caught and arrested for a release attempt at a Proctor and Gamble research facility.
this might be something I would do...
28. I think that animals should have the same rights as people.
more, actually, because they abuse nature and life much less...
29. I think most animals are better than people.
I don't believe in value judgements, but I trust most animals more than most people... and I feel very sad about that...
30. I was a Marine.
I was a ParaMedic... EMT... Army... U.S....
31. I watch very little television.
I listen with half an ear and glance up now and then, but seldom sit and watch TV as a primary activity... I do enjoy movies, music, and learning shows... and clever cartoons like Animaniacs...
32. I wish I were a vegetarian, and am slowly becoming one, but I dont think I could be vegan.
I was a vegan with a capital V for a few years... a vegetarian for a bit longer... as a young child I had to force myself to learn to enjoy the taste or texture of meats (initially I'd puke) when I got hungry enough and I learned to enjoy some, but without lots of spices, sauces, frying or barbecuing I have little interest in any meats... though I learned to like the taste of some shellfish... my taste buds and ethics must have been tied together in my infantile brain... but I learned to separate them to survive...
33. I was a hacker a very long time ago. Before they were called crackers.
I would love to learn how, but too lazy...
34. I wear glasses, and am almost blind at night without them.
I have 20/20 eyesight in my left eye and 20/25 in my right...
35. I love plants, and I garden.
I love plants and I used to garden when I had a house...
36. I think Sandra Bullock is sexy as all get-out!
agreed... as well as others...
37. I am a gadget freak!
me too...
38. I own 9 working computers.
three... and have access to a fourth in this apartment and a few more at work... but I still don't have a real one (as in one with up to date capacity) so I don't have instant message capabilities or music and graphics fun and have major limitations in my exploration of programs and technologies, but it works to get my words out of my head and online... one of these days...
39. I live in a forest.
I love forests... I live next to a park that has a large creek, woods, and human amenities... but it's not enough nature to satisfy me...
40. Im six feet tall.
this body is 5'10" tall...
41. I have green eyes now, but they change colors.
the mirror shows me dark brown eyes...
42. I have dirty dishwater blonde hair, whatever that is, but its turning white.
and dark brown hair...
43. I love to drive. Anything.
44. I am an insomniac.
I can sleep anytime, anywhere... I usually sleep in the middle of the day as I work nights... some days I do not sleep, by choice...
45. I love most all types of music, but Im not too fond of rap.
I love all music, though profound emotional music and music that accompanies meaningful words attract me the most...
46. I was president of my graduating class in college.
I was part of a couple that came in second for class couple, kept statistics for the football team and helped out others (giving me access to a couple of office and hall/late passes and all sorts of fun power... and cheerleaders), hung out with the musicians and drama people most nights, organized parties, explored drugs, and probably did a lot more that I've forgotten... high school was one of the busiest and most fun times of this life so far...
47. I was in band in school. Im a drumhead.
I was handed a violin at four, an accordion at six, and picked up other instruments along the way... I haven't touched any musical instrument since 1995 and haven't played regularly since years before that... I feel very sad about this too...
48. I went through school on a partial scholarship, partial grant, and partially working my ass off.
I partied through six universities before, during, and after a giving a couple of years to the US Army before finally drifting off to wander wherever for a few years and then returned ten years after graduating from high school to get 154 credits and a degree in four years while working full time... then I chose professional opportunity over completing an advanced degree... I can still BS in psychology with the masters... I love learning, not schools...
49. Although I dont watch much TV other than news/weather, my favorite program is Cops.
I enjoy a lot of Sci-Fi and many kids shows and movies (in real time, Harry Potter is currently the background sounds and glances, until Robin Williams: Live On Broadway comes on... before that it was Ghost Ship and a George Carlin hour... I prefer the Potter stories and can listen/glance some things again and again... Fifth Element comes to mind) as well as some music and learning channels... I rarely watch news and do not enjoy typical reality shows and rarely enjoy the violent parts of anything, though some violent films are favorites...

I am pausing for Robin just now...
50. I understand the theory of relativity.
understanding is relative... perception is fun... personally, I think there's more to it than meets the eye... maybe Hawking will explain, but then, who will explain the explanation...
51. Sometimes I think Im on the verge of genius, but mostly I know Im just stupid.
anything is possible and I think they both come from the same place, infinite possibilities... every new idea is genius until it becomes common knowledge... but that could be stupid...
52. I think O.J. did it.
I think O.J. was a great football player... I don't know what he did or does with the rest of his life and I am not sure I want to...
53. My favorite colors are white, black and blue.
this page is dedicated to you...

my favorite color is rainbow, but I am kinda partial to primaries and once royal blue was a favorite, though it needed a touch of lightening to be perfect for my walls when I painted my room...
54. I am an avid amateur photographer.
I used to be, but have not had a camera since 1997... there might be a couple in storage... used to have dozens of lenses and accessories and knew my way around a dark room... I know there are thousands of photos in storage, hopefully not weather damaged... I love visual images (and that's not just Libbo)...
55. I love black and white photography.
me too... most of my darkroom experience (before computers) was in black and white, but I also love colors...
56. The British and Australian accents make me melt.
I find most accents fun to play with...
57. I tend to adopt whatever accent people have that I am talking to. It must be quite annoying.
I do this too, usually without thinking about it...
58. I think tomboys are far sexier than calendar models.
I agree...
59. I am a tree hugger.
me too...
60. I love Cheetos and Dr. Pepper.
me too (it must have been about here that I got the idea to do this... I think I'll call it 202 Things... but I digress)... I love many snacks and my favorite sugar drink is chocolate shakes and Mountain Dew Code Red (not necessarily in the same glass)...
61. I forced myself to drink diet soda.
I avoid Aspartame...
62. I love coffee.
when I the mood, with much sugar and flavored cream, iced...
63. The first think I notice about a girl is her eyes. True story.
definitely first eyes, then lips and the rest of her face...
64. I dont begrudge Bill Gates his millions, I think hes a geeky kid success story.
I agree... and I am so happy he doesn't make cars or guns or anything that needs to work right every time...
65. That said I wish the software I use would run on Linux, because I would use it.
I agree with this too...
66. I dont believe anything is truly free.
and again, agreement is reached in my brain...

hey, I've been doing this for hours and we're only two thirds done so I've got to stick a cork in the babbling when I can... no worries, the babbler will return... who knows, I might add to this at some later time... I wonder if I am reaching the DLand file size limit... ok, I will get back to the 202 Things thing now...
67. Alcohol makes me either dangerously depressed or very, very silly.
Alcohol relaxes me and then gives me a headache...
68. I think marijuana is no worse than alcohol.
I think it is better for the head, worse for the lungs, about the same for the liver and kidneys... if it was legal I might have some more... hmmmm, maybe I do make some value judgments...
69. I havent smoked marijuana or used drugs in over 25 years.
almost the same duration, though there was that party in 1991...
70. I stole a necklace when I was seven. My mother made me take it back. I have not stolen anything since.
I have shoplifted... can I console Winona Ryder now?...

I was caught once... I was about eleven and we (group of friends) were trying to increase our music collection... music came on vynil records back then and could slip into shopping bags... it was scary and I decided it was not as much fun as I thought...
71. I was once homeless and I know what food stamps are.
I was homeless at least twice, lived on the street in a couple of cities and also lived in my car in many places... I ate in soup kitchens and accepted gifts from strangers... once, while living in my car, someone snuck up and put a big bag of groceries on my car in the middle of the night... I wish I could have thanked that person more than with these words... once, I collected unemployment, but have not applied for welfare or food stamps...
72. I have one brother, and one sister.
I was adopted a couple of times by a few people, but lived life as an only child and always felt like an orphan...
73. I quit high school to enroll in college.
I quit going to class in high school at the start of junior year (hey, I was fifteen, bored with school, and girls were much more interesting), but already had almost enough credits to graduate and somehow passed enough to graduate with honors in science, math, and english... it was a delayed reaction to a pure asshole of a teacher in the ninth grade, but more was related to developing a busy social life... I think some teachers must have liked me...
74. I draw.
I scribble...
75. I write poetry and lyrics.
I do too... every day...
76. I play guitar, badly.
I used to play violin, accordion, keyboards... mostly for myself... I played with many other instruments in high school, but I wouldn't claim to have played any others... I miss music...
77. I broke my four lower vertebras in my back while in the Marines. I stayed in anyway and lied about it.
I broke bones in my hands a few times before I reached my teens, nothing since... I have passed three kidney stones, at least... oddly, they came ten years apart...
78. I have a tattoo.
I have no tattoo, however I have a subaceous cyst in the center of my forhead that people sometimes stare at and when asked, I tell them it is my third eye... sometimes I get believers and I explain that it's all that is left of the congential twin that did not develop in my mother's uterus and I rarely tell anyone, but the eye only opens during orgasm, so if they'd like to see...

sometimes people ask if I am Indian and what a clear dot means...
79. I am not pierced, but dont mind those that are.
I am not attracted to piercing, but I believe everyone is free to do what they want to do to their own bodies...
80. I cannot swim. I was thrown into the pool and knocked unconscious as a child. I have been paranoid about it ever since.
I love to swim... I love water...
81. I love the ocean.
me too... except for a couple of years in Toronto, I have never lived more than thirty minutes from an ocean... and for most of this life I lived within sensory contact and minutes from a beach...
82. I want to buy an old Greyhound bus and convert it into a motor home.
this sounds like an idea I can live with... in, even... I have thought of the traveling home/life for retirement... it appeals to me...
83. I spend way too much time surfing eBay.
I bid on something on eBay once... that was the only time I ever visited the site... I get regular SPAM from eBAY or others who say they are eBay... but all that said, the fact is that if I had spending money, I'd probably spend a lot there...
84. Until about two years ago my hair was long. Five years ago it was shoulder length. I was forced into cutting it.
my hair is currently down to my lower back, maybe longer... I could say it is getting in my way... I haven't given in an inch for a lot of years... I might cut it at anytime, however, if the right person wanted to share the makeover... it would be interesting to have short hair again... it's been a decade, at least...
85. I drive a four wheel drive lifted pick up truck with 33s on it. Its a ford.
I drive a car, Chevy Cavalier, 5-speed... it's a compromise and fun...
86. I love antiques.
I love history, but haven't been around many antiques...
87. I hate shaving.
I had a beard for a lot of years because I could not come up with a good enough reason to put a razor to my neck... then a just turned five year old pressed her face against mine and said ooh, rough and asked if I could smoothe it... that was a good enough reason... I bought a $150 electric razor... that's gone now and I actually use a razor almost every day... I hate it...
88. Long hair turns me on.
me too...
89. I know how to take a bubble bath with candles and enjoy it, and still am secure in my manhood.
me too... I also enjoy various scents...
90. I cant enjoy sex unless my partner is.
definitely... in fact, it takes a while for me to be ok with coming (or is that cuming) first... no matter how much coaxing, more of my pleasure comes from giving pleasure than from receiving it...
91. I design and build custom red wagons for fun.
I don't build much... I should though, because I feel there is something important in building something... one of these days...
92. I love fixing things.
I am usually too lazy to want to fix anything and given a choice, would rather pay someone to fix something than do it myself... but then, I am rarely satisfied with anything unless I do it myself, so I often end up re-fixing things for myself...
93. I am a tool freak. I must acquire all tools. Now.
I am not enamoured by tools much, but feel frustrated when I do not have the right tool for a job and do not like cheap tools, but I use them all the time because I am poor again...
94. I love writing letters.
yes... I love writing... in addition to daily writing I have always done for myself, I used to write at least a few letters a day, corresponding with hundreds of different people... I did that for many years until I put my stuff in storage and focused all of my attention of falling in love and raising a family... I fell off cloud 9, landed all by myself, and now write diaries and rhymes and don't correspond much... partly because I am not sure I trust myself not to make the same mistakes and partly because I do not have time and am selfish with my writing time...
95. I love getting letters.
I used to... sometimes I shudder when I get mail now though... I think I suffer from a strange sort of PTSD...
96. I still get all giddy when I get an email from a friend. It makes me happy.
me too... sometimes I think too much so...
97. I consider a good writing pen a gift from God.
I used to have all sorts of treasured writing pens... now I use a ten cent Bic medium when I write at work and all my other writing is done with a keyboard... it's better for my hand this way (I have permanent writer's callous and used to write until I cramped too much to hold the pen anymore) and I go through pens at work (by lending them or losing them or using them up) daily... but I remember all the years I wrote by hand and loved it...
98. I am a CNN and a TWC (weather channel) freak. Its almost always on, but with the sound off.
around here it is usually the sci-fi, a music, science, or a movie channel unless my roommate is choosing... the sound is usual on to keep my ears company, but I am seldom watching...
99. I detest the telephone, but my job requires me to carry one with me everywhere I go, 24/7.
I used to love the telephone... now it is even more part of that PTSD feeling than the written word sometimes... but I still sometimes love it...
100. Its okay with me that Ellen-DeGeneres is gay.
I love her and everybody has the right to choose their own way...
101. Secretly I want to be a comedian.
doesn't everybody?...
Okay, there you have it. 101 things about me.
and me too...
Gnight Diaryland!
I like this community type talking to an audience feeling...

was that an extra #?... ok, G'nite DLand...

(just let me know you were here)

see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me

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you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

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Can You Laugh At The Sky?
It's Been A While
Just a Moment (Proof of Mice)
A Moment of Forever
older still

random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
have time, love words?
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�
and then, (e)thereal
and now, briefly, in case it matters
and now, the dirt, drama, and details (babbling)

(Johari Style)

(but do me right)


(the dark side of candoor)

loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)

tell others
read others

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
where've ya been?
the searchers





( temporary attractions )


WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)


who links here
Globe of Blogs


(Blogroll RSS)

Blogroll Me!


fantasy sports?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays

talking dog


and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there