LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
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o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-09-21 - 10:06 a.m.

tune in, turn on, and fit in...


a mind that never turns off could be a scary experience from the inside (and often either not taken too seriously or taken too seriously on the outside, but that's the secondary story beyond the thought coming to my mind at the moment)... I know, cuz I've always had one...

I didn't mind at first, being a little kid who didn't know better and didn't like sleep much anyway... I'd stay awake most of the night writing (once I learned to write) and then, when I got my own TV in my room, I'd watch late night movies while writing... I also loved pitch dark steamy hot showers doe hours (well, it seemed like hours, but my concern for water usage usually kept it much shorter than that)... but I was innocent, or ignorant of the power of unhappiness, ignorant of the void I could create within myself, and had no idea that people actually believed they had little or no control over their emotions... for me, regardless of the events I experienced (and I knew much trauma and loss), being happy was as simple as wanting to be happy... I never knew it was not my choice (so it was my choice)...

I was about seventeen when I first learned that powerlessness and helplessness is possible as I forgot that it was my choice (and that was my choice too, foolish as that may sound)... I gave my self to someone else... alas, I fell in love with a human and therefore wanted to be like her and when she sold the widely accepted belief that we are powerless over our emotions I bought, anything to please her... it never did make sense to me, but I did everything I could (and I mean everything) to shut down my awareness and turn off my mind (so I could forget the truth as I knew it... the things we do for love)...

but that wasn't love, that was hunger for someone else, that was ego and lust and passion for winning and thirst for power and most every externally generated motivation there might be... for no matter how good it seems to feel, no matter what happens or what anyone tells me, I know that I can not love another unless I love yourself...

and I can only love another as much as I love myself...

but at the time I wanted external reassurance, all for that precious attention from one other... that falling in love feeling that comes from giving unconditional trust to another person... the excitement that comes from letting someone else take the wheel...

that is when the child in me learned to forget that it is the internal motivations that matter most and therein, I lost me to wander aimlessly through timeless days and endless nights (and every escape I could find or afford)... I did my best to tune out, to turn my mind off, to fit in and find someone who would share the fall, the leap, the unconditional... I became detached from the core, from the essence, from the anima, from the source... except sometimes when I least expect it when I am sleepwriting (one way I keep from losing my mind, which never turns off)...

much happened along the way as I touched down and took off again from the me I know as me... these days I orbit myself, occasionally passing through my center but most often resting on laurels and exploring (escaping into?) creativity and sitting here watching the wheels go round and round... I don't always love to watch them roll...

I know a peaceful connection with my truth, however, that was missing from the wasted wandering years... I think if you can learn to love and trust yourself unconditionally (or actually, if you can remember the unconditional love and trust you were born with), then all is well inside no matter what storms swirl around (inside or outside)...

sounds good, dudnit?

I can be flippant with myself because it is my truth and certainty breeds confidence and confidence brings the ability to laugh at myself and my foolishness... I know what I believe and have unwavering faith in the truth I can feel as I have actualized it in this physical space we call human life on Earth... I sense it reaches beyond all we know and experience... I hope you find yours too...

and in the end, there is no fitting in anywhere if one is not true to self...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

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.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


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