LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
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bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-09-22 - 9:44 p.m.

a long day's entry into the night


so in between leaving obscenely long notes for people, I took a night off from work... I actually slept during the night because I stayed awake the day before (that would be yesterday)... I did write an entry (which was uploaded later), but mostly I just copied library CDs and vegetated with mostly Sci-Fi TV... Amazing Stories, Sliders, Stargate:SG1, CSI with a brief nap somewhere in there before my roommies got home... and I wandered the web a bit more, though just a bit and along a relatively single path (as opposed to the multiple tracks my browser windows and mind usually takes)... and on the surface too, that is, I did not read more than a half dozen entries into any diary (usually I dive at least three or four times further in and often twice that before pausing to reflect on who might be creating the literary and visual environment)... so this may be the briefest would-be (if I had the time) browsing entry yet, but then again, if the same thing happens today as yesterday, well, then who knows how long it'll take this entry to be completed and for that matter, where it might wander off to... anyway, here goes...

I love it when two (or more) minds think alike and I suggest you visit and participate (or at least read)... of course you could also stop in and share your browsings with the world there and anywhere... don't hold back, tell us where you've been (or where we should go... now isn't that a tempting offer)...

along similar lines, bookblog is an exciting idea for me cuz I love to read, but I've got one concern and that is spoilers... the last thing I want is too much information about what is between the covers of a book (or TV show or movie or any product of creativity) and the few entries I read came dangerously close to providing more information than I want... and some crossed the line ruining the potential read for me... so here is some serious advice to bookbloggers: don't tell me the story, tell me why you enjoyed it (or did not enjoy it) and if you must tells some of the story, even briefly, then skip a few lines after writing, in bold capital letters, the word SPOILER...

also for book/reading lovers (and my best lovers have always been book readers, in case you wondered, but that's besides the point), 100 books seems like a fun way to announce to the world your love of reading (and maybe meet some other lovers (of books, I mean)... I wish I had time to read two books a week, but what with actually having to do some work at work and what with my addiction to writing and what with trying to fit life and working out and eating well and other people and other activities into the few hours this life affords between work and sleep, reading time is limited these days... all that would change if I won the lottery or some sugar-momma adopted me (please apply within), but until then I probably won't come near reading 100 books a year... unless we count the reference books I open regularly (but I don't read them cover to cover, so I don't count them)... anyway, love to read, love books, it's a good thing to do...

and I'd been to see the clarity of this amazing artist (actually, you get the bonus of two amazing artists when visiting) before, so it was easy to enjoy her latest entries... they are two more people the groupie in me quietly worships from afar as I wish I could be closer and know them as friends (ah, to find creativity closer to home, that would be better than a winning lottery ticket)...

and noticing the astute words on a bumper-sticker type box at the bottom of the previous diary, I clicked and decided that anyone who did this with stickers deserves a hug, so here's a hug... that reads more like it should have been a note, huh?...

anyway, by now you may know that there is a child inside of me (not that I am fragmented or anything, or have long winding conversations with myself in parentheses) and part of that child is always looking for a mother or some form of parental figure to look up to (kind of like that duck in that story, if you know what I mean)... anyway, more and more often when I read her I get this weird feeling (a light bulb going on in my head, yeah pun intended and all) like, "wow, she's so right" and "gee, that sounds like something I want to be, or should be"... and the child inside of me wonders if I should grow up, like somewhere inside of me is a grown-up type person who relates to what social consciousness and responsibility and maturity and stuff like that that is being said and done by people who appear to be much wiser than me... I wonder if I'll ever be that person again, or if I ever was... anyway, I can admire from afar (me too)...

suddenly bouncing from depths to laughter, I have one of these... well, almost... I drive a 2000 Cavalier and it has good tires, though not super big off-road tires... and it doesn't exactly have smockstacks, but a sunroof counts, right?... mine is red too...

whatcha expect, seriousness all through?... when I feel in touch with my inner child, silliness abounds... did I ever tell you how often I was mistaken for a pregnant woman on ICQ or in Yahoo (and other) chatrooms just cuz my name was childinside?...

anyway, you may have heard that I have fallen in love again and many of you pretty much know what I mean... well, she might not... and we wouldn't want too much confusion, at least not at first, right?... let's start with what I think about love...

I paused there, checking the page I was linking... it was ok, but the page it then lead to was quite old and lead to this:

wow... linking that last page got me to thinking about my personal website, most of which is long past an update, so I spent the last few hours watching Harry Potter again (it wasn't meant to have anything to do with anything, except maybe how easily distractions sit in front of me here in casa de candoor... just happened, s'all) and listening to precious tell me about her day while sort of updating the first few pages that flow in through the window of my web world (the window being metaphorical for where friends can climb in)... anyway, the wow is realizing how long it's been since I even looked at the old sites...

time time time, just not enough of it...

so where were we?... I almost took a nap earlier, but instead I ate two more bags of M&Ms (Precious's school candy will be the death of me, huh?) and some animal crackers and a sugary soft drink... wisdom eludes this body once again as I skipped the gym... but I did go twice this week so far, so that's better than last week... and we're still not back to where we left off, are we?...

ah, what I think about love (can I overdramatize with anticipation or what?... or is it merely avoidance?... secrets are no fun if they're all told at once, ya know?)... I love love... I love to love and be loved... I love to fall in love... and what I mean is not what most people might mean, for until eyes meet, hands touch, and much personal information (and perhaps some bodily fluids) are exchanged, falling in love does not happen in the sense of real world relationships or commitments... but I can fall in love in words, in spirit, in my imagination, at the drop of a hat (or other clothing, for that matter)... it may be a look, a few words, anything... impulsively, instantly, intensely... it is often, when reading, a feeling of understanding, of the possibility that I might be understood... similar expressions (there's a Melissa Etheridge song on my mind now), similar experiences, similar feelings...

over the course of writing diary entries (I've been at it for years here at DLand and longer on my own site), I've fallen in love with other writers many times... words I read inspire me to imagine how falling feels (I've been there, it's the best place in the world for me) and usually I'll fawn over my ideal of love in candora because that is where I give my heart a voice... sometimes, the words feel beautiful and are understood... sometimes I am perceived as some sort of threat or stalker or weirdo... well, let me reassure you that I am certainly a weirdo, but I am mean no harm and don't obsessed over anyone for long... I mean, get real... it's internet fantasy, after all... come and knock on my door and we'll sit and talk about something more...

I guess I mention this here as a kind of response to people who caution me about emotional entries... friends who remind me about how words can be misunderstood and just how easily misunderstandings can hurt... and some who even assume that they know exactly what i mean when i write the word love or the words falling in love and tell me I'm foolish or crazy or dangerous for feeling the way they assume I feel... so to those who are concerned and to those who wonder and worry, even a little, I say don't worry, life online in words is not confused with life offline in the flesh for me... when I fall in love with you (with words or images) online, it's impulsive and momentary and above all else, without any expectations or obligations... it is simply an expression of interest, inspiration, and sometimes adoration... you all deserve it, ah, if there was only time...

and here's a perfect example of why I love to fall in love (I mean, seriously and irreverently, connections happen for a reason and I appreciation the reasons large and small), because it leads me to remember important stuff... like reading cat just now reminded me that I have a Gmail account... candoor AT gmail (hint)... I forgot all about it (see, toldya I forget about web based emails... but I did promise myself (and Gmail) that I would do my best to remember, so I will write myself a note to open a browser window for gmail everytime I reboot the laptop and keep it open as long as possible... I'm going there now to see what's there now...

and it's ok, nobody to remind about my forgetfulness because nobody was there... I mean, no new messages... that's good, cuz it means no SPAM, no junk mail... that's the first time I had an email address for a whole month and did not receive any unsolicited mail... yay... I think... should I feel lonely?...

as I was saying... what was I saying, anyway?... the distraction of Precious cooking chicken (cooking is rare around here... and a little scary... the oven gets left on, thing burn, and messes are always left)... and then America's Sweethearts was put in the DVD player and the opening images of Catherine Zeta Jones, sheesh, she has a beautiful face... of course her personality in the film is the antithesis of what is attractive to me...

but if I turn the sound off...

oh stop... actually, it was just those first images... nobody looks good (at least not to me) when they are acting selfish and cruel... so maybe I should have uploaded this entry ages ago since it's turned into and all day thing and could have been a few different mediocre entries instead of one long mediocre entry... if I didn't have to go to work in a few minutes, I'd go get a second wind, browse through the diaries that are open on my desktop (that I've mentioned above)... ask pertinent thought-provoking questions (and just where is Nowheresville, anyway?) and ramble on for another entry, but alas, time runs out... not very seductive, huh?... but work calls so instead, well, whatever it takes to make a diary compelling for you to return to to read again, just pretend I just did that and come back soon, ok?...

thanks...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


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the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

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