LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-07-05 - 1:27 p.m.

time passes in silence (a bit of the real)


time passes in silence
and I miss you
even if I never told you
this is true
even if you never told me
I feel you
but it is good to hear it
to see it. to know
I miss you
and in my way
I am with you

for more than a year I felt what might have been a compulsion to fill in each date with an entry even if I was not uploading an entry every day... because I was writing every day... because I wanted you to find an entry for each day... because I told myself it mattered... as if this obscure bit of cyber bytes are vital to the continued development and evolution of the human race... but we all know that my egocentric delusions of grandeur can be overfed sometimes...

maybe that's why I took a break (or was I just trying to see who cared?)...

and yet, for a few of you, I do matter and that sometimes amazes me when I come down off my self-made pedestal and feel the smallness of this one brief human life I attempt to live (kind of like George in Dead Like Me, though I imagine, instead of a toilet seat, it'll simply be a lump of waste from a plane's toilet that did not defrost on the way down)... and maybe the pendulum swings to excessive modesty sometimes... maybe it's some deep core scars or just the acceptance of my experience in this life from birth... maybe it is just a perspective that balances on clarity... but I am truly humbled when I believe I matter to anyone in this world...

seriously...

in daily life, I can accept that, at least for the moment, I matter to Precious and Rasputin... I can see and feel that she looks to me for support, guidance, advice, money, and extra parenting that she sometimes longs for and sometimes just wants to rebel against... I can feel that he trusts and depends on me to look out for her as he's gone a lot because he works a lot because she, like most spoiled teenage girls, is expensive... but my experience with family has shown me that even blood bonds are a transient thing (though I am told by some that family is forever and I'd dearly love to believe it, I have only proof to the contrary in this life)... so I can believe that I matter for the moment and then, who knows...

I wonder how many humans have had as alien and separate an experience in this life as I've had... and I wonder how much of my detached experience was my choice and how much was the circumstances beyond my control... and I wonder why... what can I give to you or anyone from my experience that might be of some value... and if it matters...

and I know I can bond and form an attachment profound and strong enough so that keeping it can be worth more to me than my life... so I doubt it was any sort of failure to bond deprivation as an infant, but then, psychobabble can make anything sound reasonable... and yet...

I think a singular difference I experience is the feeling, the energy, the sharing I know when I write in my way, I am with you... my experience, unique or not, offers little to no differentiation between my bonds with others... this is sad, in a way, as I can detach from those closest to me in the physical world and from this life itself to the point of feeling an objectivity that one might feel when observing another species or even when reading a fictional account of events and history... it is knowing that this life is temporary, that at any moment I or any one of us could be gone and as far as we know right now, gone forever, that allows me to remove the drama and seriousness from any experience... and I mean any experience, from the death of a parent or child to war atrocities to an attempt at genocide...

simply, it is a matter of being aware of and experiencing the bigger picture, the relative infinity and eternity of the universe(s)...

in the same vein then, I can feel so much more in the immediate moment and beyond, from the experience of the smallest change in energy flow an insect sharing the air in the room with me, a leaf breathing - to the changes in ecosystems over eons... I feel the energy, the oneness of everything, around me and within me and I can choose to translate it into personal emotion or choose to intellectualize it as pure information... not to suggest that I have anywhere near perfect, or even good control over myself and my senses all the time, but I do have the awareness and knowledge that I can choose anytime...

if this makes any sense to you and you can accept, if not understand or experience this life as I do, then you know I am always with you... and to feel the connection more personally all we have to do is want to... acknowledging it helps a lot, so here I am doing that, acknowledging you... and I encourage you to acknowledge those who matter to you, for it feels good to know...

thank you for being here with me...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there