hey, what's with all this introspection?... isn't that what this is for?... yeah, it's that voice again... well, maybe not that voice, but one of those internal voices... maybe it's Stephen King (or the Crimson King, for all I know)... may it do ya...

anyway, I've come to an epiphony... wait, I mean an epiphany?... yes, but not the religion connotation... of course the irony of the phony could pass me by (though it was not even a real typo)... the crux of the realization is that I am still as obsessive as I ever was, which means I can still fall in love the way I used to (completely totally unconditionally... or foolishly, as many might suggest)... the intuition and inner sense of self tells me so, but to quell the doubting english muffins on my head, I use this logic... words are my current lover... writing daily is an obsession and has been such since my first memories of moving a crayon around on whatever surface was available... after chewing them became a bore, most likely... and the babbler in me is connected to that part of me compelled to share everything as much as possible (the essence of falling in love and seeking unconditional trust) and when I am alone, I must ramble on... I must have my fix of releasing words on to paper or a website or somewhere... it is the intimacy, the sharing, the mindless heart-following blind faith lust for life and love and the pursuits of peaceful shared understanding and passion and nurturing and the emotional roller coaster that is living an aware sensual sensitive life...

and you thought they were just diaries...

when I find a soulmate again, I will trade thise obsession for the physical sharing of life again... it has happened before... hopefully I will find another writer who will open up to the world as I do (for in the past I found incompatibility issues with people who wanted to keep things private and ultimately, they were hiding things from themselves and in turn from me and there went the trust when they would not own up to it)... until I find someone to share the obsession with sharing everything in the physical world, I shall continue to appear here to quell the hunger for and nurture the obsession with sharing...

yup. makes sense to us. (wow, the voices harmonized... must be a holiday... well, it is 04-05-06 in certain calendars, if that means anything... I don't think 04-04-04 meant much last month, but I kind of expected someone to throw a 404 virus at the world that would make every website come up to their 404 page... my imagination does tend to get evil sometimes, huh?... anyway, it's good to hear the voices agree for a change)...

if only I had the time...

so now that we've resolved the mid-life crisis, or whatever that was that vexed me these last few days (probably the lack of exercise fogging up my brain), back to the mundane details of life... yes, after taking the weekend off (in terms of working out), the gym still was shut down for repairs come Monday so I took another day off... but by Tuesday morning it was do or die so I did, out on the trail, and the runner awakens slowly... yesterday and today, with the gym still closed (I already vented about that in my workout log, coining a few new phrases that are bound to be underground cliches describing the current state of affairs in this US of A in some history book in some future society), so I have little more to vent, but where is the human heart these days, people?), I dragged myself back out to the trail and put one foot in front of another (and didn't fall down... great huh?)... today I recorded a time of 32:21.33 and decided that I've always been attracted to bodies with those measurements and that side note just had to be included somewhere so here it is)...

it is good to hear the party going on in my head again...

nothing much has changed in the living space, or in the life itself... but it is good to know I am ready to take a chance again and if I am truly awake and wise (and loving me), I will finally finish adding up and verifying the bills this weekend and check my account and see about getting a new CD burner, if not a new computer... for I must not let the slivers of music that have started creeping back into my life slip away...

did I mention that one of the things I love most about Stephen King is how he involves popular lyrics in his stories and one of the repeated lyrical influences in the last few hundred pages I've read is someone saved my life tonight... anmd there, sitting next to me straight from the local public library, is a wonderful treasure of a book that has many Bernie Taupin lyrics from the first ten years of his collaboration with Elton John... Bernie is one of my favorite lyricists... as is Tim Rice, to drop just two reasons I am drawn to Elton's songs... Harry Chapin sits at the top of my primary most holiest of holy lyricist totem pole... Jackson Browne is in there as well... and Billy Joel... and Melissa Etheridge... and many others, and a forest of totems fall in right behind that prime... Dr Seuss, of course, has a shrine...

am I starting to introspect again?...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)