LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
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o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-04-21 - 9:16 p.m.

on becoming more real with me


this part of the entry is missing, it will appear soon (hopefully tomorrow)... until then, please go here...

.

erp... so ok, what did I do with this part of this entry... was it about the internet fantasies that could be? (trust?... lust?.. dust to dust?)... was it about forgetting the seriousness of life and wandering through your websites, losing myself in your lives (so I do not have to face the emptiness of mine?... too dramatic?)... was it about the mice?...

you must remember this...

but I forget what that is... yes, yes, the fundamental things apply, but mostly I've been sleep-walking in the rain (when I should be walking on sunshine, yeah yeah) without the one I love... I keep busy, but seem to be in emotional limbo (a hopelessly hopeful romantic without a relationship for too long is either depressed or crazy... sometimes I feel like I'm both, but the kid in me (the toon in me) still lives in the moment and enjoys the experience of living way more than I should if I want to be either... maybe I'm alone because I need so little, but I want so much...

it seems I lost this part of this entry somewhere along the way...

meanwhile, in real time, the candor.8m.com and candoor.net domain email addresses are under SPAM attack again, so my attempts to sign up at new sites to meet new people are thwarted... but that is what those addresses are for, after all, to absorb all the SPAM so that my other addresses are free to receive mail... use any DLand address or, if you've emailed me and know more personal addresses, use them... or use Gmail, since that hasn't been hit by SPAM yet (that's candoor at Gmail dot com... and then I just have to start actually checking it more than once a month, huh?)...

or call 407-325-1482...

see, if you call, we can make sure I set up an email filter that will put any mail from the address you use into a priority folder that will almost never bounce or get lost in the mess of SPAM I receive every day... and if you call, you become more real (even if, you never call again), if you really want to be real with me... you could just text and remind me to check Gmail...

and if you do not receive a response within a week, it's likely the overwhelming wave of SPAM has me giving up on sorting through mail (temporarily), so please try again... let's make sure your email address is in my filter that puts mail into a primary folder... usually the DLand and Gmail addresses get through...

perhaps there's a sudden flurry of activity among SPAMmers... perhaps signing up on a few new public sites is why... I've noticed it increasing this week and it's exploding this weekend... I received 2000 mails at the domain address today before the 10mb cap was hit... I'll have to contact my server again since the last time the techie said my forwarding address was set as I wanted it to be set, but the mail is still coming through the address I do not want it to come through... ah, maybe it is time to explore another server...

and maybe they are all the same...

anyway, I want more realness (which may be why I am not nurturing the fantasies as much lately, but no fear, the latest spark continues to call out to me to read everything I can find from day one... and a few others remain in my mind, if only there was time)...

I want to trust someone again... I mean intimate trust that reaches into depending on the person to be there at a moment's notice to listen, to care, to offer a hug or whatever they can offer... I am repeatedly told, by people who know me in physical life, that I unconditionally love and even unconditionally trust way too easily... I ask them if they think I should change... they usually fall silent...

sometimes I think that nobody wants to touch my innocence...

here's a depressing grumble... after 1900 emails were downloaded, the server disconnected and so, start over and re-download all that mail and the new stuff is still bouncing... SPAM kills communication, no doubt about it...

I think the worst thing about the whole internet is that the very services that deliver the mail are the worst SPAMmers...

this message will have to continue tomorrow

for time has run out tonight...

and back again and back to the point... on becoming more real with me should start with me... I tell you I want more intimacy, more real contact offline, more personal one on one contact, and then I forget to check emails and leave emails unanswered and what the fuck...

yeah, I hand myself the BS and then hide in my babbling... it is easy to disregard internet communications because of my past history and the distance... we each have our own lives and while the few minutes (or hours) we spend online is sweet sometimes, rewarding sometimes, wonderful sometimes, it's still distant and not tangible in the physical lives we live... for those of us who still sit alone, the empty seat next to us on the couch is much more real than the distant well wishes... the loneliness... but that's not the point (I'll lament another time)...

on the other hand, I eagerly answer the phone...

the point is... somewhere... just a minute... it was here a minute ago... Rasputin was talking and Star Trek DS9 is distracting and... probably part of the point...

it could very well be that I am avoiding sharing one on one... it could very well be that I am avoiding, maybe even afraid of intimacy... depending on someone... trusting someone... but the real test would be if someone actually came around in the physical world offering and asking for trust, intimacy, and a healthy dose of co-dependance (yes, I believe that is possible... it is a precarious balance, but possible)... and with no one offering or asking, there's no way I can actually say I am avoiding or not ready or ready willing and able... alone, there is no way to know...

this is making sense to me... et tu?






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
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A Diaryland Survey
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small world
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(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
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gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

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(for a while, now on page 3 5)




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CONTINUE...
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