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MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


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CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
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ABOUT ZOOPLA

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FAT MAN WALKING
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FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-12-16 - 4:33 a.m.

merry happy and always


and we come to another December 16th... never mind that this is being uploaded a few days later, it's December 16th in this entry and don't forget it cuz the whole point of this entry is to explore and explain just why December 16th is such a special day in this life as I've known it... so this is dedicated to the one and only December 16th...

ok, and the one I love (thank you Shirelles)...

for most of this lifetime this date has been dear to me, revered, in fact, for it is the birthdate of the first (and still deepest) cut into my heart... the singularity of most profound desire for another human being blended with the most unconsciously uninhibited passion inspired by another human being and ultimately, the most life changing moment I've known in this life... powerful mojo can be conjured up on this date, even moreso (as if that wasn't enough) because it is the culmination of a month of profound memories and inspirations...

for anyone interested (and you know how much I appreciate you), this is how my personal end of fall holiday season unfolds as I experienced (and experience) it and roll on into the traditional winter stolsice (hey, it's not as if I am not part of the world, I simply experience it through my own senses and live life in my own body...

doesn't everybody? J


November 15th... the twin birth dates of two of the closest people I've known in this life that shared my first coupling, my first full year in a romantic relationship with someone, and my first true brotherly love relationship...

November 21st... the birth date third member of the triangle that taught me that romantic relationships are not meant to be triangular (unless they form that way openly and not blindly or in any sort of hiding or denial)... loving her lead to one of the most profound learning experiences and life changing experiences of this lifetime...

November 22nd... anyone alive when Kennedy was shot understands...

November 23rd - November 29th... the building wave of approaching confrontation with truths about myself and life and love and loss...

November 30th - December 1st... the day the the dream died...

December 1st... this is my New Years Day on my personal calendar... I celebrate in any number of ways most years, though there are times when the celebration does not in any visible way leave my head or body as it started out, a long time ago, as a wake...

December 2nd - December 6th... a week of numb death and memorials, burying and searching for treasures, burning and reqriting maps, and experiencing the ultimate loss of innocence and accepting, mostly, that life will never be the fairy tale - and that nothing will ever or the same... and celebrating the realization and awareness ands growth and learning that comes from everything...

December 7th... this date in more common history expresses betrayal and ignorance and coverup and arrogance in the tales of Pearl Harbor, but for me this is Harry Chapin's birth date, a reason to return from the mostly introspective and meditative prior week in order to celebrate the life and work of the single most influential person in this lifetime for me...

December 8th... shots rang out at 11:22pm just outside the Dakota residence in New York City and a legend, a poet, a prophet, a passion for life, a force for peace, a musician, a writer, a singer, a husband, a father, a beautiful man died...

the roller coaster of this period becomes evident and an ultimate sigh (becoming more ultimate every year) of acceptance reveals a choice for life... a choice to live...

December 9th - December 15th... a week of numb questioning, frustrating acceptances, burdgeoning excitement that maybe, just maybe, I have proven to myself that I can survive any loss, any trauma, any madness... there is always hope...

and December 16th... the birth date of the person who inspired the singularity of most profound desire for another human being blended with the most unconsciously uninhibited passion inspired by another human being and ultimately, the most life changing moment I've known in this life...

so on this day I release the final sigh, take the deepest breath, and celebrate the culmination of another year of life... I rejoice in the fact that I survived another year of introspective catharsis, of inspecting my scars, cleaning my wounds, doing all sorts of general housekeeping in my psyche (and life, when I am wise), and once again being as ready as I can be to move on with my life, to live in the moment, and to share every experience as much and as well as I can... it's a good day...

the beginning, the end, the eternity) J...

so what can I say this year... perhaps I allowed the cold-flu bug to move in unconsciously because I was distracted, or because I want to punish myself for losing the most important things in this life, or for not doing more to help and share what I believe in, or perhaps just to force myself to rest and dig deeper for more undertanding and actualization of myself (that last reason would be a good thing, no doubt)...

but who notices and what does it matter?...

it matters to me...

ok, beyond the egocentric satisfaction of being able to survive anything and feeling good about myself and renewing the hope that dreams can come true and they can happen to me if I stay young at heart, what other good can it do to re-experience this cathartic month long period of celebration and mourning (heavy on the celebrations, but still risking the depressive traps of diving headlong into the deepest darkest depths of pain and loss and loneliness and aching unfulfilled longings in this life... what makes the roller coaster exciting is not how high you go, but how fast and furiously you come down)...

but I only come down so I can go up again...

now many of you in the western world might consider this time of year a special time of year for many, or at least a few, other reasons and I do feel you on that because the cultural holidays in December are so profoundly visible and widespread... it's during this same month-long period I hold holy in my heart that the world gets collectively more excited and somewhat more friendly (except in the shopping zones) and as usual this year is no exception, it is beginning to like a lot like Xmas every where I go... and in some communities it's beginning to look more like Chanukah, or even Kwanzaa (though Kwanzaa lights are a much more recent cultural phenomenon and not nearly as widespread as the Christain and Jewish lighting ceremonies) which only goes to emphasize the cultural relevence, at least visually, of this season...

and then there's the traditional New Years celebrations

I personally love the colorful displays and when authentic, good cheer that lots of people share at this time of year... I love the music and the parties and the heightened energy generally found during this season... I don't overlook, however, the holiday depression that lays at the feet of the season much like presents lay at the bottom of trees or bushes in many homes... or the loneliness that is exascerbated by the visible increase in sharing in public and private gatherings... as I generally see the bigger picture and try to color it in, I accept that most everything in life has a natural duality, a double-edge, and I embrace the full spectrum of emotions inspired by (celebrated and ignored) around the December holidays...

but most of all I live my own life... I think with my own head and feel with my own heart and I experience whatever spiritual essence my energy might present to me... my personal celebrations are first and foremost based on tangible physical experiences I've known and shared in this lifetime... myths and legends and communal traditions that have not personally touched this body in this life experience are appreciated for what they are, other people's presentations of their celebrations...

if you can grasp (not necessarily accept or share or agree with, but just get my drift and begin to understand) this sense of perspective, this awareness of physical reality, then you might see a bit more clearly just why and how I am alone so much in this world... it is a choice to experience life as I experience it, without the fantasies or pretenses of the collective consciousness, no matter how ingrained in so many brains it may be...

for me, this time of year, holds many memories
not because I read them somewhere
not because I am told to care

for me, this time of year, is not for fantasies
though I love much of what I hear
I have much more in me to share

I love other people's stories
about this time of year
especially the cartoons
and feelings of good cheer

I love the celebrations
the opening of hearts
and hopefully you'll understand
we each play our parts

for me, this time of year, is also about love
and an ethereal spirit
I don't know if you hear it

for me, this time of year, is not found high above
it is here in present tenses
based on my experiences

and what I know is personal
about this time of year
there's a colorful background
that I'm not always near

I love the celebrations
the touch of the divine
and hopefully you'll understand
yours are not always mine

for me, this time of year, is personal
a time for meditation
reflection, masturbation

for me, this time of year, is memorial
for all my time on Earth
it is a personal rebirth

and I share my private world
with anyone who truly cares
but until the seventeeth
I am selfish with my shares

and then I am released
from my promises and mind
I hope to remember
how to love
how to laugh
how to be kind

I reach for more like never before
all fears and doubts are left behind
it's my way
it's my life
it's my mind

and so come my December
and I hope to remember
how to love
how to laugh
and how
to be kind

it may seem egocentric to some, maybe even arrogant to others, but it is the secret to my blissful happiness and depth of understanding and clarity of awareness and passion for living that makes me who I am in this life (well, one of the secrets... there's also the First of May, after all)... and I love who I am, heck, sometimes even like me...

whatever my way and I seem to you, I hope you find your way to your bliss and comfort and peace and love, fully actualized and somehow renewed every now and then, for that, to me, is what life is about...

we each embark on a personal and private journey experienced as no one else can experience it, through our own senses, from the first moments we open our minds and explore our perceptions and conscious awareness (hopefully most everyone does that)... this is what makes each one of us who we are, individual people on an individual journey through the universe...

as much as we try to make it a collective experience, we enter this world and leave this world within our own heads, experiencing our own private perspective and consciousness... if we are lucky and gifted with an opennes of mind, we might experience a deeper sharing, a stronger bonding of ethereal energies (emotions, karmas, spirits, whatever we might call them) and give the illusion of shared journeys much more power and intensity and realness... I hope for more of such sharings in this lifetime for it may be that is the purpose of our being here and even if it is not, it sure is fun...

maybe the most roller coastery fun I've ever known...

it never ends, the learning and growing and potential for sharing and feeling... the threads of the energy that we call our lives can intertwine and once they do, there are permanent bonds whether we wish to nurture or even acknowledge them or not...

so to each one of you and especially to every one who's ever brushed against or blended with my personal energies, I wish you all the wonder of your own personal revelations, all the joy of your own personal actualizations of your love and your dreams, and all the peace of embracing the passion and promise that is you...

most of all, I wish you all the love you you've ever hoped for, all the energy you can share and become...

merry happy, and always...

ric






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




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the moment

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
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