LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
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NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
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THE FAILURE


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(202) 456-1111

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(202) 224-3121

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USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
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INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-05-19 - 9:38 a.m.

heart


so much, so many, so few, so little time to do it all and yet I can't forget the rhythm and the rhyme of some other person time when love was all I lived for and sharing it was real, so much, so many, so few left who will feel, so much so many, so what's the big deal...

I know a lot of you come by here via blogmad and that's great... I won't know you're there if you don't say hello so if you want a visit from me, say hello (and if you don't know about it, just ask or click the link and join up and I'll send you some extra credits)... and I have fun visiting and chatting on the site because I love to write and talk to people...

but...

I still must remind myself to write for myself and not give up on life offline just cuz I've been so dang good at hermatizing my social life in recent years (with a little help from my friends)...

and yeah, I know I may be biting the hands that feed me comments and all, but I don't understand why people want visitors to their site when they are not updating their site... I suppose we all want attention for one reason or another and maybe the numbers that the hit counters can somehow be translated into attention, but what sort of attention is it?...

I know I get some sort of thrill when I see a lot of comments and I used to think the stats number meant I was some vague sort of popular, but what is that sort of popularity, anyway?... and add to that the flood of visits recorded by people who are not actually here long enough to be considered visitors, no less the coveted reader, and what do the numbers really mean?...

we all have our values for numbers, for things, for words, for esthetics, for everything... I love eye candy, obviously I can ramble on in literary masturbation over a photograph or few... but I value content so much more... and even with eye candy, libido only lasts so long before the real value I see in a photo that turns me on is the person I imagine behind the eyes, the words I imagine coming out of the mouth after the blissful kisses, the beauty in the heart and passion for creativity in the mind... the love, in a word, pure and simple, the love...

which is why the-moo is so repeatedly attractive to me... I feel the love in her words, see it in her eyes, along with the playfulness, the desire to enjoy life and people and everything as much as possible... and while some may say it is all my imagination, I read words she wrote that corroborate what I believe is in her so I believe in her expressed intent... she gets all of my benefit of doubt when I am not sure what she means... and I open my heart and mind to enjoy what she shares...

and knowing she (and a few others like her who give me a similar inspiration) is in this world brings hope and faith in the human heart back to a happier more secure place in me (especially when I am partnerless and therefore without tangible hugs and touch-me evidence in my physical world) and that hope and faith leads me back to my own personal euphoria (call nirvana, peace, joy, bliss, whatever or whomever you age or choose to be - call it god with a capital G if that pleases you, just don't assume I believe exactly everything you believe and accept my path toward enlightenment and freedom and purity and love as cool and you'll get there too, ok?) and everything is beautiful in it's own way and all is right in me and my world once again...

I am reborn each time I open my eyes...

and that reminds me, I just put out another personal... I must have typed out hundreds over the years and some (that I remember) can be found through my more personal pages (and if I ever fix the window, more through there, though you may have to climb a tree to get in that way), I mean, if you are curious... if you are interested (as opposed to curious), just ask what you want to know and explain your interest (why, in what exactly, etc) and we can start communicating...

anyway, I clicked on an article in The Onion and noticed a cute face with the words "brutally honest, I can handle anything" under them and clicked on them and realized it was a personal, but I had to register to see it so I registered and in the two boxes that asked me to describe myself and describe who I am looking for, respectively, I wrote:

my mind thinks like a 4 year old, my heart feels like I am 17, my soul is as ageless as time itself, my spirit is reborn each time I open my eyes, and this body does it's best to keep up with me (you'd have to too)... I love and trust unconditionally, share everything, can laugh, cry, explode with energy or meditate in stillness... my work is serious, intense, and emotionally draining for most, yet I still have much more inside than anyone I've found so far and hope to find someone who can keep up... I am always smiling inside, much more than I smile outside... I still believe in romantic dreams of sharing everything... and for now, Ill conclude with confirmation of the obvious - I write a lot...

and

honesty, innocence, curiosity, serious irreverence, intensity, security, and an infinite sense of humor... life is fun and usually more fun when shared with a partner and friends, so I hope to find someone or some people who can relate to me... the farther you can open your mind (and heart), the more infinite your imagination, the more in touch you are with your inner child, the more freely you release her, and the more you love yourself, the better chance we have of getting along... love music, words, life, and yourself, and me completely openly and honestly... this is just the first breath...

respectively... generally I have no respect for personals because rarely do I sense honesty and the superficial is most dominant in the information sought and requested... a/s/l, the bane of internet chat... the hypocrisy of human nature irks me and it is seldom as prevalent (and in your face) as it is in personals... we pretend we are all about goodness and pure thought and god-fearing and all that, but the very most vital information we want from each other is banal - age, sex, location... like are you my age, the opposite sex, and near enough to fuck or at least flirt with...

great way to start a meaningful relationship...

but then, it is just an obvious example of how twisted the human psyche has become living in acceptable hypocrisy (forced hypocrisy, actually) for so many generations... as if we can only truly relate to or have some real connection worth perusing if we are the same age or close to it... for all the damage racism, sexism, classism, and other prejudices have done and still do, ageism is the worst prejudice of all because it is the most prevalent, most accepted, and most undermining of all... you (and all you have been, are, and can be) are written off before you can say hello if your age is not "right"...

and gender, sexism is just part of genderism... what is the difference if someone is male or female when chatting online?... the stereotypical assumptions of the gender experience?... there's a fine way to start, with such blatant prejudging of who you are talking to... we won't even get into the deadly homophobia underlying the questions about gender... or the fact that many, if not most people flat out lie about a/s/l online... in fact, younger people are encouraged to, for their own protection, of course...

so much is lost for our own protection...

ah, but here I am ranting again... thinking about personal ads does that to me... cuz it leads me to realize how superficial and full of hypocrisy most ads and the people placing them can be... and humans in general... snap judgments, instant labels, minds close like steel traps around an idea as if in one attribute or a few words you know all you need to know about someone to decide what your relationship with them should be for all eternity and in most cases, it's fuck off buddy (though aren't we ever so much more polite and ever so offended by such blatant honesty)...

and shall we not talk about double standards and say we did?...

so anyway, as much as I'd love to meet the partner of my dreams any which way I can and as much as I am so much the dreamer that I can put personals up wherever I am allowed (billboards, telephone poles, store windows, my T-Shirts) and as much as I am so hopelessly hopefully romantic that I can so strongly (unbelievably, many might say) believe in kismet, serendipity, love at first site (Hi Meg), and anything is possible, I am still enough of a realist so that even as I am making love to the love-at-first-site perfect soul mate partner of my dreams within six seconds of meeting and saying hello, believing and hoping that this is it forever and ever for better or worse for all time and beyond, I smile and enjoy the moment knowing that everything I know can be wrong...

and in walks Rasputin and on goes the TV and a re-run of M*A*S*H for the fiftieth time, at least... luckily it's a show that can withstand a few re-runs... or a few dozen... and then, the channel surfing starts... where are my headphones...

but is it all that different than the web site surfing I do?...

hmmmm... yes, it is... at least there is the hope that a real person created the website to share themselves, to forge a meaningful personal connection with me, to become a friend in the real world... show me a TV show or actor or writer of TV shows or producer or director or creator interested in chatting on the phone about the meaning of life and love and the pursuits of happiness and actually being there if we call each other and I'll consider looking into the similarities...

ooooo, aren't I judgmental today...

well anyway, you can find out lots more about my personal interests, preferences, and even my a/s/l by finding those personal pages... I'm either candor, candoor, or candora in most of my personals (cuz candor is my name and it's often already taken, so I modify it a bit)... if you're really interested, I'm out there... all over the place... naked as the day I was born, even...

but anyway, I think I was starting out in this entry to make another point... something about why I am here and what we do with out time online and are we really getting satisfaction, what we want, need, or came for by doing what we do... and I come for the love, in a word, pure and simple, the love... and the love is so much more than the numbers... the love is not the visits... the love is not the visitors... the love starts with the readers... and starts to become meaningful with the comments... and starts to become real with communication...

and that's why I am here, for the love, for the communication... I can look at a magazine cover and feel I truly believe I know what is behind the eyes of someone who clicks with my psyche - like those on Libbo's list... the top ten or so are not consistently top ten in my mind because they are eye candy, it is because they consistently get the same reaction from me through various exposures in various media... of course it is fantasy, but it is consistent and therefore more reliable (if not more real)...

and I can read words on a website and feel similar attraction, similar consistency of highs in my heart for the person writing... the turn on is not always sexual, but always meaningful, more meaningful, actually, as the libido can be stimulated so easily in the shallows of an instant with or without words... the turn on is love and my believing in the love shared because I sense enough consistency and vulnerability and uninhibited exposure of emotions and as little pretentiousness or fear of exposure as possible... it's a self-love I sense - not a perfection or an ideal, but an irrepressible excitement for life and unconditional joy in acceptance of self... and the unabashed expression of love...

I use the-moo as an example because I believe she can understand a lot of what I am trying to put into words... on a different level, because she is so happily partnered in life, she shares herself and her joy for life and love in a way that inspires me to cheer and jump for joy (and all those corny old clichs) and believe in love even as it's not exactly worked out for me personally so far in this life and I have way too much evidence that cynicism and walls of protection around the heart and self is the best way to go...

it isn't... I know it... and when I forget for a moment, when I feel down and trouble by the failures, I can find inspiration around me... in words, in eyes, in something shared by someone who believes in love as much as I do...

and that's what it is about, belief... faith... trust...

I choose to trust myself and my senses and my instincts and my imagination and I can look at a photo and read the words someone rights and believe... even if the person is a complete fake, my belief and the power of that belief in me, the inspiration produced, and the motivation and actions I take based on my faith, that is real and meaningful in my physical world...

so my amusements with fawning over Meg Ryan, for instance... my belief that we could understand each others heart is real to me, inspiring to me... not that fawning over her (or anyone) can replace the touch-me evidence, the physical hugs and comfort and trust between friends... and it surely is not a substitute for the physical intimacy sharing the pleasures of making love flesh to flesh, no matter how blissful the masturbatory fantasies might be...

ironically, and contrary to what might be considered the norm, the more intimate I feel emotionally for one of my illusions, fantasies, or as I'm calling them today, beliefs in someone else I barely or have not met, the less physically turned on I am by them... it can work quite the opposite in the physical reality if they have a physical attraction to me, but my respect for the belief, the faith, the trust in the connection of understanding of the love is too important to me to waste on the libido fantasies that any dozen unknown faces and bodies could inspire...

I am not sure what this entry tells you about me... maybe a lot more than you ever wanted to know... but I hope, for those of you who do care and want to know, that it gives deeper, broader, and better perspective to my flippant teasings, my irreverence lusts, my literary flirtations, and my passionate love songs (cuz I sure am gonna continue feeling and imagining and releasing my feelings in any way I feel them)...

I know that some of you who've inspired me to write words as if I've fallen madly in love with you have felt threatened and misunderstood where I was coming from... alas, I can not give you the peace and security you need to enjoy the love without suspicion or negative assumptions, but I hope you find it in yourself and can appreciate the positivity in life without looking for or creating negativity where there is none...

my hope remains the same as it ever was, that someday, we'll all understand...

love is ageless, genderless, and it's location is in the heart... feel it and you understand the passion for life that trusting yourself can create in you by letting go of age old fears and getting comfortable with your insecurities so you need no pretenses or facades and can simply be yourself, share yourself, love yourself and therein feel and share the love that is everywhere... ageless, genderless, and in every heart...

and all everything else aside, my heart is where the real begins...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
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stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
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202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
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A Diaryland Survey
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small world
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(search for you & find me)


tell others
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applause?
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get your own!

saturn rings and other places
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favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

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