LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-12-19 - 8:52 a.m.

about me and you


as if I don't have enough going on in my babbling files, I spent a night responding to comments (and leaving comments elsewhere) instead of writing an entry... so while this may be, to purists or anal retentives (who me?) cheating of sorts, I present this entry composed of comments I made either in response to your comments here or in response to words you wrote in your writing spaces on the web... these blurbs are edited to give you the essence of my thoughts as opposed to my personal communication with a specific writer... in some cases I expanded on my thoughts here you'll find the unabridged (or is that unexpurged - unexpurgated?) babble in comments to previous entries, mostly... this is yet another way of providing information about me, an experiment in guided babbling...

this entry will most likely be replaced quickly by the next entry because I am tired of being a couple of days behind and want to play in RealTime again (without the protection of being out of time, that is, vulnerable at the moment of upload and hoping for conversation and risking having to face the lonely moments of nobody being around at the RealTime moments I upload... makes sense to me, you?...

anyway, it's sure easier to upload and run off to something else than to upload and wait around for conversation and the former is the habit I've slide into in the past month plus... in this life (in black and white), the more out of synch with RealTime I get, the less social I am offline because I am living in the past and out of time... the entries are creative strolls through cyberspace or timeless ramblings about this or that, whatever comes to mind, or else they (the entries) are introspective retrospectives...

or like this one made up of my words in comments and responses to comments, ya see?... too long in this timelessness and I could lose touch with reality, I could forget how isolated I am becoming offline, I could get too comfortable in a literary monologue, a narcissist's dream... I want a balance... I want to share more... I want to make love in the moonlight... I want to go to lunch (thank you Pvt Benjamin)...

obviously my craving to share more in physical spaces is rising from the mostly dead place it usually occupies... this is to be expected most years if the annual cathartic month-long introspection and rejuvenation process works (and it is as close to working this year as it's been in more than a few years, I think... then again, when was it that I kick started life in the flesh last?... I believe it was December 13th 2003, or was it 2004?... I was reunning on the outdoor trail and getting to the gym and then the hurricanes...

wow, time flies when you're procrastinating and living out of time...

so anyway, if the above thoughts have not given any sort of clearer view or clue into my psyche, perhaps some of these excerps from comments below might... it is fun to imagine that some of you actually might be getting to know me (and want to)... extra special thank you few who inspired the comments below... I appreciate your interest and your caring and your sharing... more than I can express most of the time...

I'm in this life for the sharing and I definitely do not do as much of it as I'd like offline... this diary and all of my writings are how I cope with the longing to share... you keep the loneliness from bringing me down... and hopefully you enjoy getting to know me through my free-associative ramblings and interactive comments... yeah, I am hopeful... so for whatever they are worth outside of the conversations they came from, here are my thoughts about this and that and the other things...

about musical tastes

mine run the gamut to most extremes and mainstreams as well... the Beatles sounds changed music for me... not the only ones, but they had the biggest punch at one time... the list of CDs in this entry focuses on my soft lyrical ethereal (some might say sappy and I smile and agree) side...

about man-purses and carrying bags

I actually, don't like carrying anything around much, but I used to carry a variety of things into work... backpack, knapsack, shoulder bag, attache bag, even on about the size of manilla folders (because that's mostly what I was carrying)... nothing seems to fit, so I stopped... now I carry a cloth food back on the occasion I want to bring in lunch/dinner (which I should do more often because it would be good for my wallet and health)... I'm not sure what guys carry around in those little man-purses, seems nothing worthwhile will fit... unless it's extra cigarettes or drug paraphenalia, but then, since I quit before those man-bag things started being made...

about hair

in the last few years for the first time I've learned the art of gel (for work, I'm supposed to be a good role model for wayward teens, after all) and now can look very mafioso, especially when dressed in a suit... I've worn a suit twice in the last ten years, so the big bosses need not worry... and here's the true confession part of this comment (which is excessively long due to just waking up and not realizing I am awake, therefore having no inhibition about babbling on and on about whatever and anything), I have considered cutting the hair, even shaving the head in recent years... yes, CSN&Y, I promised myself this year and I feel like I owe it to someone, but that year was a long long time ago and I also enjoy change... I could get off on freaking out everybody I know by showing up without the hair... of course it would be years before it returned to it's unruly lower back length, but... lucky for my hair (and the hippiefreak in me), the procrastination is strong in this one, obiwan... and now that I've written a piece of entry here, I shall mosey on down to the next comment...

more about music

like in a music store (or anywhere) if a song comes on that has me bouncing around I should stop and think about how it feels inside to be bouncing around a music store (or anywhere)... well, that would depend on the song and usually the bouncing around excitement is reflective of the life around me as well as the song too... I used to, especially when I was 15, hear the lyrics of songs as if they were private messages just for me and I still can imagine the lyrics as personal, very personal... I think and feel and respond as if the song was a personal letter from a trusted friend, or as if the cosmos was sending me a message that only I could truly understand (and that is true, for only I can actually interpret anything into what it means specifically for me in my life)... I would like to find the time to do that with the song and CDs lists I've been compiling, like Smed is doing only even more personal (not so much a review), but time time time (it's telling us a story)...

about being nocturnal

I've been nocturnal as long as... always... most people give into cultural conformity for professional or social advantage (the night shift is murder on a social life)... sometimes I think I may be nocturnal simply because the daily lives of humans at this point in time is not something I want to be part of or even know about, but then I think my personal circadian rhythm goes deeper than simply an anti-social decision...

about my manic babbling

my activeness (besides being a part of my personality) is mostly due to my aloneness... I live in physical spaces and without physical intimacy there's not much reason to pause and reflect (although I've done much of that, in the mostly dead diary and journal, in funda, and in other places)... I feel the loneliness of this life when I stop in a moment to experience everything inside and there's only so many poor-me lonely boy songs I want to write... still, I appreciate your request and I shall ponder it...

about comments and your interest

I feel very happy that you are interested in my deeper thought process and emotions, goose bumps smile on my neck and my arms long for a hug that would show my appreciation for your interest and confirm your caring in the world offline where words are more than words... it's exciting and stimlulating in many ways, my heart beats faster, my skin tingles, and I wonder if I should feel turned on sensually (some of your words have inspired a horny hunger) or be more conservative and brotherly... specifically to music, when I song connects, every pore opens, ever cell in this body vibrates and I feel like I can fly, like I am connected with everything in the universe... and I must sing or I'll explode (so when I don't sing, I bounce around like a superball for a while and hope somebody else feels the energy and bounces along - or stops and looks me in the eye and starts to sing, then the stillness can wrap itself around me, the sound energy can enter every pore and be vocalized and every part of this body can vibrate to the music... without words I've been known to bounce around a dance floor, speed-stepping or moshing, but still hoping someone connects at the same energy level and love-making can start (ultimately sexual, but I will settle for dance-floor humping or slow dancing because, after all, dance , like everything shared in life, is a compromise and you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you do get what you need)... but here, online, in words, how do we actually dance?...

sheesh, I really should write an entry or two before coming to comments, huh?... but then, I am almost corresponding again, which I love (shhh, don't tell me I'm over it)...

about charity and gifts

those who see negativity in the word charity have false pride and hide insecurity... I love the gift you give, thank you... the best gifts can not be purchased by any means, the best gifts are free and the fact that they are given freely, without obligation, increases their value... I feel your words, I accept your gift, and it is what I make of it, the good feeling I let it inspire in me, my belief that you are positive and generous and stimulating, that is what I do... you might find something good in my teling you that... we use each other to create good feelings within ourselves... freely... nothing hard about that (all double entendre's aside)...

about me

a not fragile incorrigible child, that's me... I'm unbreakable and every time I've been broken I prove it cuz I just walk on through the wind and rain all broken with odd parts sticking out at odd angles and I get used to it and don't even know I'm broken cuz I'm doing what I want to do and having fun in the moment...then, every once in a while, usually more often than lately and probably best at least once a month, if just for house cleaning purposes, I sit and ponder my navel giving myself close inspection under the brightest possible spotlights and I notice the breaks and parts sticking out at odd angles and I paint a target around where I am as if it's where I meant to be all along and I rejoice that I became myself once again...

about perfection

I think anyone is perfect if they are happy with who they are and what they've got... perfection is not being without flaw, it's enjoying and making the most of the moment as it is and learning more about enjoying it more every moment... realizing that feels fantastic to me, it is a rush of adrenaline from my head to my toes... that is where I live inside, how I feel most of the time...

about the real thing

the real thing is offline, out here, behind the door where behind the candoor is written, within the mind that chooses the words, behind the eyes that sees eyes looking back into them... you'll never know what is really real for sure until we share that eye-space, that full body sensory experience...

about the baby and the hero

and I can and have been the baby (always, because there never was the nurturing that babies crave above all else, so I still crave it) and I have been the hero (always, because I am the only one who's always been here to save myself and I've been in some painful and dealy situations that required some serious saving)...

about perception

I talk much more precisely than I write, actully, but I write freely, without conscious plan or direction, I write in the moment and respond to the thought that I read that becomes the thought in my head (and there's two thoughts that are not always the same or even close) and then I open my mind to infinite possibilities because I understand, that is, my perspective of everything is ruled by the uncertainty factor, the truth is there is no certain truth, there is only what we perceive as we perceive it in any moment (and each one perceives each moment individually, slightly {or massively} differently)...

about you and your words

I am always reaching... reaching for understanding, for sharing, for fun... I reach for your meaning in your words, something only you know for sure, and hope that in exploring possibilities I might find your meaning...

I know that I would like to see you in action, I mean to watch you think and write and communicate because your words have so much going on, so much energy and diversity, I think it would be fun to see that... do your eyes glaze over in a trance as your words flow or do they sparkle with clarity and awareness... does your mouth smile or frown or remain a straight line or flash between expressions... do your cheeks flush, do your nipples rise, does your body squirm and wiggle in your chair... how does the reading and the writing effect you physically...

about me and my words

me, I usually sit pretty still and forget the world is around me, though I surface often to notice the TV or the computer screen or people in the space or something else... usually, without a visual, I am not turned on sensually or bouncing around physically until I take a breath, a mental breath, which could be five minutes or an hour... but a visual changes everything and brings my body energy up to bouncing and sometimes turned-on sensually... my eyes are usually focused on the keyboard or on a point inside of my head, sometimes glazed over but usually bright and alert and craving more stimuli... my lips are usually motionless in an expressionless contentment except when I laugh... sometimes my butt goes numb before I realize how long I've been sitting and typing... my nipples and pores sometimes flood with blood and flush with energy, sometimes sexual, sometimes an even better rush of shared understanding that feels like caring, love, a meaningful connection...

about me and you

I crave sharing... you give me the opportunity to do what I want to do most, share myself and learn about someone else... I don't have to know who you are on some levels, where you live, what you do with your time, how you walk or talk or sleep or laugh or cry or masturbate, even... though I am curious and in time, I'd like to know all that and more about you... for now I enjoy the curiosity you share, the thoughts in your head, and the possibility that we are becoming friends...

getting to know you
   getting to know all about you...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

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.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

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.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




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