LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-12-20 - 6:35 p.m. or 10:35 p.m

me and my comments, strolling down through cyberspace...


yes, that title is the song you think it is... and if you don't know the song or the melody, go expand your musical knowledge back to the whole past century and mammy, start with Al Jolson...

there is more to this entry and hopefully it will be uploaded in the morning...

hey, so much for the intention to replace the previous entry with another one quickly... I fell asleep and so the previous entry had most of a day all to itself, good thing too, since some of you guys had time to comment on it - thanks oodles...

actually, thanks much more than oodles, but there's no worrds that adequately express my appreciation, so I settled on oodles cuz it's a fun word and seems like a like and since it is not numerical persay, it's potentially infinite so that's the meaning I'm intending... but thanks infinitely doesn't sound as fun, ya know?...

so anyway, once again, I share my responses to comments below, but first I expound here in the brief time I have left before work (I might did add to this in the morning as I don't have time for much now, but if I take it to work I should have more time for babbling on and on in between actual work)... I'm not sure if doing this (bringing my responses to comments into entries) will encourage more comments or discourage more comments, as shy commenters (which may be the majority) might hold back fearing what I might say in response in my diary like this and I wouldn't want that... I love comments, dear commenters and potential commenters, I'll be good (cheshire grin)...

on the other hand, I want to share and so I take this opportunity (and the inspiration that your comments provide) to further tell you about myself (ad infinitum, huh?) in the hopes that we can feel closer (at least in words) and maybe some friends will be found even closer than words and life changing connections might come of all this...

and we'll live happily ever after...

still hoping I'm not the only dreamer, ya know?...



ah, if you do not hear my laughter, you do not understand the words or me... and that, those few words tucked in amidst all the others, may be the most revealing sentence about my writings and personality that have ever been written... or one of them... almost as profound as...

"if you do not understand my silence
you will not understand my words"


see what magical mysteries can come of what otherwise might seem like another cheating entry of words written elsewhere?... how better can this decision to share and make more of comments be justified and validated and embraced and rejoiced and yay for you and yay for me and we'll have fun fun fun even without a T-Bird...

I forgot who wrote the the silence one, but the laughter line just popped out and makes as much sense, maybe more, than the silence... the silence quote has always been one of my favorites... and it makes so much sense to me, I wouldn't even try to explain it...

anyway, I was getting to comments and my responses, which have turned into mini chap books at times... that, my volumous verbage, should be accepted as praise for it is your comment that inspires me to think and ramble on (not as the Allman Brothers meant it, mind you, or Clapton or Led Zep {who probably deserve top billing for that phrase anyway}, either)... I am a rambling man, but much moreso in a literary sense than a hit the road jack sense in recent years... heck, I'm almost stable...

I think I'll share my responses to comments now...

so smash and I have been discussing hair and you can find the discussion in comments for the last entry (I think it'll be the last entry)... this is what I said (and I decided to include my comments here not just cuz I spent the evening commenting in between life stuff offline, but cuz I think you'll {all of you, dear readers} might get more of a sense of who lives behind the candoor from my responses to comments... makes sense to me, feel free to comment about it)...

so about hair...

I think I'd like to throw some color changes on my head before I cut it (flaming red tips, perhaps?)... I want to play with it... I may be in the wrong town to find playmates for such games though... the hair thoughts are indicative of growing desires for a change in this life on most every level... from alone to not alone, from single to not single, from bloated, tired, and old to working out and fit and charged-up, from sleepwriting to aware-awake-active, from couch potato to party-animal, and more (though not necessarily as extreme as I once might do, for that would not be a change, if that makes sense)... ir would also be fun, I think, to let someone play with my hair (as in change it)... much like Tiggers I guess, candoors just wanna have fun...


yeah, the Tigger thought came up in retrospect...

and then dandy gave me food for thought about this whole communicative interactive writing that commenting and responding to comments can become and I said:

yes, I've done that (responded to people in an entry) somewhere along the way in most of my online writing places... I've also considered creating a diary community (since none of the existing ones will have me, hearing a Groucho Marx quote in my head at the moment and laughing), but I don't think I'd have the time to commit to maintaining it, maybe... at first I felt the 're-work my own comments' idea was too egocentric, but then, I figured how could I get 'too' egocentric when this diary is about as egocentric as I get... all those second thoughts seem to lead to rules of some sort, so I decided to toss them out and write on instinct as I usually do... and I'm so happy that is appreciated cuz I'm tired of living in my own comfy vacuum)...


come to think of it, a fair portion of my babbling is inspired by stuff I read elsewhere and I usually link the source... but that is not actually communication, I suppose, as often the person linked doesn't even know they were linked or the inspiration for a few words here or even for one of my long and winding missives... but it's still a great thought... I wonder how many ways it's been done before...

and then pfirsich (Pf) did what few do as well as she can, peel away more layers and inspire me to probe deeper behind the candoor for more clarity (which reminds me, clarity is supposed to be leaving us (the online world) in a few weeks and I must {and you must} go check her out and wish her well before she goes offline because she's absolutely one of the best people I've ever read and shall be missed enourmously by me and many others) about who I am and what I want and good stuff like that (at least I hope it's good stuff... it's good for me)...

Pf's questions are in italics... and I said:

to your question: What is your special interest in general?... words, I love to write... music, I love to sing, listen, live, dance, run, move, share, love, laugh, cry, feel, write and be inspired by music... helping others, I love to see someone smile because they know I just cared about them... falling in love, I love to fall in love, to be in love, to share a partnered-life... chocolate, eating and foods, sensual experiences, learning, games, I've got an activity page somewhere... here and then there's a wants list... both are years old, both are still accurate, mostly)...

so many other things are part of this life that I would not want to be without, but this is definitely an entry in progress cuz I could spend an hour thinking and writing about this when I'm in the mood...

next question: To the world as well?... I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony... but I don't want to buy the world a Coke, actually, I'd like to help people get past their fears, open their hearts and minds, and realize that they and everyone would be much happier if we just shared more and were honest with ourselves and each other... I'm a dreamer who lives the dream in every day ways... what I do is I hold out my hand to people who are afraid, who've been hurt, neglected, abused, raped, beaten, abandoned, and stripped of any self-respect, esteem, and real sense of power that they might have developed along the way...

next: Arent you a sexual person?... yes... real world physical touching sex, but I'm not interested in literary or cyber sex much... I am right-brain sexual much more than left, visual images and physical touches are sexual, literature and language are fun, but less physically stimulating for me... though a lover's voice can be a beautiful exception to these general attributes describing who I am... I am very selective and very visceral, sexually...

as for my writing, I have learned to write in broad strokes as if to the universe mostly because individualized correspondence has lied to me enough times for me to not trust it... one on one, I am in the habit of waiting for eye contact and physical presence before empowering trust in the real daily life world... for me, mutually exclusive or monogamous relationships, making someone the whole world, happens in the physical spaces, not online (not even with visual images) or in snail mail letters or even on the phone...



interjection (daily life steps in... yes, even in comments)


Rasputin got home and started telling me about a work issue that followed him home and is going to keep him working via phone a while longer... one of his trucks (he's general manager for a seafood distributer) somehow forgot one thousand pounds of fish and boxes of fish are sitting on the loading dock... the shipping manager didn't want the driver to turn around because it would mean him staying late... but the fish needed to be picked up, so Raspy had to give the shipping mgr a choice, send the drive back or go pick it up himself... the driver was turned around (he was less than a half hour from the pick up location even after a fifteen minute discussion)... shipping manager grumbled but was told to talk to his drivers who should not be pulling away from a loading dock without checking the load and manifest, and dock while he's at it... and next time hopefully they can solve their little screw up on their own...

anyway, Raspy came home somewhere between the first and second questions (above) around two hours ago... so this writing paused and spurted out intermittently for the past two hours... I fed my face with some of Precious's leftovers (since she is now up north until the 30th) and then the TV went on and stopped at City of Angels which is obviously demanding my attention because I love the concept and the dialogue and the girl, so I am inserting this interjection to explain why it took so long to upload this entry and why I might seem a bit distracted from now on...

so anyway, now back to responding to comments, specifically, continuing my Pf inspired response about sharing more, I think, and I thought my thoughts about sharing more than words would be helpful to anyone who wants to begin understanding me (so thanks again, Pf)...

I respond to your words 'forced to take you fully'... I am not into forcing anyone to do anything... take, as in sexually, or as in 'in every way including sexually' (which is fully to me), well, fully is offline, in the flesh, eye to eye, hand to hand, body to body... the mutual attraction must continue there, in the flesh... that is where the visceral real world begins... that is where I live... to get me truly, fully, that is where it starts...


and then, itineration brought me back to thinking about hair again... hair, hair, long beautiful hair (ok, I won't sing the song this time)... so I wrote:

yes, the physical change goes with the inner changes (for me the inner changes always preceeded the outer change in appearance, but I'm considering reversing the process... though I'm not considering it enough to do it, since I've been considering it for a few years... one thing I am waiting for is someone to come along and want to play with my hair with me... to play with it before it's cut...

and then, the deeper reason is that I am not a surface person... I don't believe a quick appearance change will have much effect on my insides, so I've been waiting for the inner me to actually make a change (like get back to the gym daily and drop the excess weight and feel my energy again, for one thing)... I kind of made a sort of pact with myself (not exactly a promise, so I can change it) that I would not cut my hair until I returned to being me in the physical world, in this body... what that means, being me, is raising this body's energy level to a point where it (this body) is in tune (vibrating?) with my mind (ethereal me) or at least much much closer than it is now... it's all very ethereal (or spiritual) and not easy to put into words, but it makes sense to me and anyone who's been there (on the same mind-body energy wavelength)... so anyway, I still want to play with my hair with someone else... how's your new hair experience going?...


I've been trying to remember the last time my hair did not at least touch my shoulders... the seventies for a few years (the army kind of insisted on it)... I trimmed it a bit in the late eighties for corporate America, but it still hung past my shoulders, it was just shagged (eeek, I know) in the front... so it would be freaky to do something with the mop... I am pretty sure that I will play with it before taking a hacksaw to it...

and then I pondered whether responses to comments make for a fair and decent entry and as you see, I decided to do it, but not before pondering in the comments themselves:

note to self: again, I find myself spending my night responding to comments and have run out of time for an entry... so do I make an entry of this so others can read it too or do I keep these comment thoughts in the comments for those who have the time to care enough to actually come and read comments (or respond, even)?... I wonder what you think about that, dear commenters... and I wonder if I'll get an answer here or in an entry... and I wonder how much it matters... and I wonder where everybody else is right now...

very likely, more will be added in the morning... I'm off to work now, hope you have a wonderful night, wherever you are J


PS... more was added in the morning, love your day! J






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there