I just heard John Mayer's Waiting on the World to Change for the first time and while I did not catch every word, I caught enough to call it a potential classic like Marvin Gaye's What's Going On, maybe... but then, did Dylan's Blowing in the Wind or Buffalo Springfield's For What It's Worth have any real lasting effect on the population?... it did on me, but then, Harry Chapin was my musical hero, so I left words in deep when I listen to music... how about you?...

and suddenly Amanda Williams' Children in the Garden comes to mind...

of course it could just be a mood... ever notice how something is profound or amazing when you are in one mood and how you can wonder just what you were thinking about when you declared something profound or amazing at some later time when you are in another mood?... or sometimes it's the person or people sharing the experience... like Harry said, it's funny how a city can put on a different face, when it holds someone you care for it becomes a different place...

meanwhile I sit here munching on a Ding Dong waiting for myself to pick myself up and take myself seriously again... wake up and put down the coffee... and the donut, step away from the donut sir... ah, self-mockery is the fool's delight (and I've been a seriously profound fool for a while now, aye?...

and there I was just last night (relatively speaking) feeling so good as the body was waking and muscles were tightening and moving to the music amidst a crowd of almost two thousand people and hunger for the snacks was a thing of the past (last night) and here I am just over twenty four hours later and the night shift habit of snacking and long work hours where I don't want to get sweaty take me back to the sedentary life...

and coffee... we are such a self-drugged species... but worse, so many hypocrites condemn kids experimenting with something like pot and feel so above people who take illegal drug, but it's perfectly acceptable (and even expected) that they down a six pack (or case) of beer each weekend (or more often, or harder alcohol) and smoke a pack or few a day and the 16 ounce shot of coffee is a physical demand before many can function through their day... it's just like some people consider beating children (or wives) the right thing to do and some thing it's not right to hit kids, some drugs are ok and right to take and some are not... if the people in power, the government and drug companies, were producing marijuana or hash cigarettes and cocaine soft drinks, it would be just fine to do those drugs too...

and I am worse when I give up my Vegan healthy ways because I know better and I know how good I feel when I live Vegan healthy ways (or at least less unhealthy ways) whereas most people don't even realize it is a possibility for them because they never tried...

and once again I wonder just how long I'll let this go on before I wake up and remember I can do as I wish and even though this hospital has no facilities for staff to work out or shower (it really is the most unhealthy hospital environment I've ever worked in on every level), I can figure out a way to work out for an hour or few every night right here on the job and I am a true moron for not taking advantage of that opportunity... and waiting for a partner is just a cheap excuse to avoid the laziness and wallowing that is truly behind the lethargy...

this is a very old song...

meanwhile, the brain craves intellectual and creative stimulation (even after all this time of vegetation)... sometimes I think it is simply a matter of upbringing or conditioning as spending all of my childhood years in the wilds of New York City and soaking in as much of the stimulation as I could come in contact with has simply spoiled me and anywhere else seems to have way too much down time and nobody who seems to understand that my manic mind is not a case of ADD (I can concentrate on minutia for days when I want to), but just operating at a neuron firing rate much more accelerated than the TV watching masses...

yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it...

stand up comics might understand what I mean as there are probably less than a thousand of them per million (or maybe per hundred million) people... and then there are the rest of the crazies who see the world and everything from a perspective that starts out several standard deviations from the norm... I am proud to be one and will happily accept being farther from the norm than anyone if nobody wants to be so labeled because it's more fun out here... lonely, yes, but it's an honest loneliness born of actually thinking and perceiving differently rather than a loneliness born of the insecurity and self-pity that comes from wanting to be unique but being afraid to be anything too different for fear of not fitting in, not belonging, not being accepted...

I've got the dichotomy going wherein I have no interest in simply belonging or being accepted when it might mean compromising who I am or what I believe in... I am wide open to learning and expanding my perspective, but am secure and satisfied with my ideals and beliefs and if that ostracizes me in some ways from the norms, oh well, that's not changing what I believe in or feel is right... so ultimately, if I never find another partner who shares similar enough perspectives, I'm perfectly happy with me alone...

but wanting to share a partnership (wanting to do that so much), life would be fuller if I could find a partner (cuz it would sure be nice to let someone else drive so I could relax completely and focus all of my energy on looking around at the world once in a while)... life, like driving in a car, is such a different experience from the passengers seat... some people spend a lifetime experiencing life from there and miss out on driving... I am just looking for a happy balance (cuz I love to drive {physically and metaphorically} and wouldn't want to give it up completely)...

so I sit here rambling on in my own fool's errand way of crying out (like Roy Orbison or Jay Black {from Jay and the Americans}, ya know?) for the one person (or a few) who truly understand that to really know where I am coming from you need to climb up on my back and walk around in my shoes for a while to experience life as I experience it and listen to all the nuances and voices in my head without prejudice or selfishness interfering... and who can do that?... who even wants to?... and would you want me riding around in your knapsack for a few weeks?...

perhaps you'd prefer me in your pocket?...

too close for some, perhaps, but all metaphoric closeness aside, I firmly believe the joined-at-the-hip bonding experience should be tried by anyone interested in taking a relationship seriously before any formal (or legal) bonding ceremony or promises are even considered... I think that would lower the ridiculously high divorce rate and lead to much healthier relationships, but I wonder sometimes if the family values people really want that (healthy, or even honest relationships)... or logic...

on a completely unrelated (if anything is actually completed unrelated to anything else) matter, I've succeeded in neglecting my fantasy sports leagues for another two weeks, at least, which means I actually looked in and set my teams once in the entire month of July and much like last year, I will probably look in and realize I could have done a lot better if I spent more time there, but I'll be satisfied winning a league or few... there is just not enough time to do a daily check and line-up setting as there are things to do higher on my list of priorities that don't get enough time...

I'll be fine as soon as we figure out how to slow the planet down to a 42-hour rotation...

and now we come to the close of this entry... there is a bit more time left here at work, but unfortunately, the last hour here at work is busy with unnecessary noise as our excellent cleaner arrives and seems to not notice the quiet sleeping environment we are trying to maintain as she hustles through her cleaning (often complaining about how nobody picks up after themselves, which is true, but then, it doesn't help the kids sleep to hear it and we're supposed to be here primarily for the kids schedules, not for our own... and it doesn't matter how many times it's said, when the person in charge is by far the loudest of all, the daily reminders just don't break the habit of talking loud for a group of loud talkers...

so whether you are waiting for Godot or not waiting for anything, dance as if no one is watching (unless you enjoy an audience) and make the most of your time... and if you know someone who seems something like the person you are reading (crazy, but harmless), please make some introductions (my number and address are on this page)...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)