LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-10-09 - 10:51 p.m.

thank you for more



"I've been places, places, traveled most parts of the world. Seen the great wonders of nature, of mankind that fill the eyes, shake the brain; troubled my body with heat and cold. I have felt shrunken beside great things, aroused to trembling, shivering, all my inner flesh and blood aroused by the need to recognize, to admit to some overwhelming force of being of which I am an infinitesimal atom, a nearly-nothing, spectral, that has not forgotten the birthing-cord, the mother-tie, the separation that never is complete, fully complete until we die.

For each of us there is a corner of earth, a refuge of green trees, a cover of clean snow, rocks firmly heaving above the sea, unreachable horizons, small cress-grown creeks, hard clayey fields, that we call "home."

An infant grasps the hand of the old man. The other grasps the earth and the waters under the earth. If true love exists this is a part of it."

Back Home by Frederic G. Cassidy, 1994

people tell me I have my own unique style, but when asked to elaborate, nothing happens... maybe I should stop responding to comments... when I respond, does it kind of mean the commenting is over, that anyone after my comment is late?... hope not cuz that's not how I see it... as my favorite cute thing says, I'm all about the conversation...

at least I once was...

one email told me I intimidate people with my exhuberance... I think to myself, "they're just words, how can words intimidate?"... maybe some people take words more seriously than I do (the wry sarcasm in that serious irreverence is probably missed by everyone who has not shared a bed with me in this life, and some of them too, but then, I have long accepted that most of what I write {and say} is floating {or sailing, or perhaps, occasionally, rocketing} out into the ether of the cosmos with no one on this particular blue-green planet noticing or getting even a fraction of the points)...

one emailer told me I was a cross between Stuart Smalley and Douglas Adams...

yes, I've been checking my email, randomly and haphazardly, since I can never tell just what is my email and what is meant for someone who actually wants to buy crap... and sadly, some of the email I'd really like to see, like email from you, dear readers, and strangers passing through who care to say something, disappears in the filters because of a word or two in the subject like "free" or "penis" or "implants" or "save"... there are at least a hundred words marked as delete-this-message words and sometimes a good email will be auto-deleted just cuz one of those words are in the subject (or body, even)...

sorry about that...

really, I hope you try again... or call me up and leave a scathing message about my neglecting to show you the respect of a response in a timely fashion... I love messages... and any sort of communication that is actually meant for me... even if I don't open my email program to check every day and sometimes, like recently, maybe once a week... I think it's been three weeks since I actually responded to email this time... that's mostly cuz I'm trying to copy the CDs that are costing me 20 cents per day each and I don't have money to burn (just a lot of CDs to burn), especially since my car needs tires and brakes and I just got through paying for insurance and storage and several other semi-annual big bills and there's EMT school and a promise is a promise and I am gonna help my dear friend even if it means eating Ramen for a month...

that wasn't meant as a prayer to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, by the way...

anyway, the computer can not do two things at once... so I am missing my browsing time cuz I am letting the CDs get copied and email comes third in computer tasks until I return all these CDs after I copy them all... I've been distracted by lounging around with my roommate watchiung various sports games today anyway...

but I did start reading them again...

one email responded to the previous entry cautioning me about sounding too pathetic and went as far as to tell me that I do not get as many comments as friends like hissy or gump or nicim (or the amazing jen or luva or the infamous 12beer crew, for that matter), because I expose too much emotion and vulnerability and simply get too heavy for people to know what to say...

but I ain't heavy, I'm your brother!...

meanwhile another email said I don't get much response to my entries because they are all over the place and there's no point because nobody can actually follow my ramblings... I guess most of you take that T-shirt I used to wear, "follow me if you want to get lost" seriously, huh?... alas, loneliness is no fun (and maybe that's the patheticness the other guy was talking about)...

there was even an email mentioning my irreverence as cause for the great wealth of silence in my comment system, imagine that, my irreverence leaving you with nothing to say?... I told that guy that he insults my dear readers by suggesting such a thing...

meanwhile, I am reminded again why I let comments lapse in previous years here at DLand... the conversations I see others have in their comments just do not happen in mind... for whatever reason, I don't attract enough happy commenters (or even SPAMers) to develop a commenting following... maybe I don't give enough time to any one thing (or person or place) and as one person once suggested back when I was anonanonanon in Yahoo chat room called TheAsylumTM that nobody will ever get close to me because of my apparent love and mastery of ADD (oddly phrased, but it was an odd person telling me this)...

actually, I don't know how I'd react (or how I'd feel) if I suddenly became one of the popular people out in cyberspace... I've always shunned popularity based on some sense of superficiality that comes with it and I have personal experience proof in how people treated me differently when I was wealthy and therefore more popular than now when I have little in the material world to share or give... on the other hand my ego has always craved being a superstar (though my ego is superficial and works against me as much as it might love me because it is all about me to the nth power)...

I am happiest when I have a balance of attention and privacy, of meaningful intimate sharing and social popularity... my happiest times in this life were when I was deeply in love with someone who was deeply in love with me and we were both deeply devoted to a group of people who were deeply devoted to us... maybe that's cuz I never had biological family or actually had close family or maybe I am just an extremely social person in spite of being highly dichotomous and eclectic in my preferences and interests and moods and way of being...

. . . . .

I wrote the above earlier before napping and before your comments on the previous entry... and though I chose to make this a lazy-bum weekend because I wanted to rest (not that I slept much, but I did nothing which is almost as good as sleep), I was feeling the loneliness take a bite out of the spirit and hope and good stuff... as much as I can play with my mind (and heart) in my imagination (like the previous entry of falling in love with another of the amazingly creative and fun people out here in cyberspace) and I genuinely enjoy the freedom and pleasure of being me, I get lonelier than I wish on my worst enemies sometimes...

it's been a long time since I've been in love outside of my head...

it's a life-sucking spiral that I tend to avoid most of the time (feeling lucky that I can), but the ache to be in love is never too far from the myriad of feelings that pass through me each day... and the older I get the more the child inside of me wonders if there's anyone who might truly understand me (and how can I fall in love with anyone who doesn't, really)... but then I find some silly funny person and fall in love with the idea of being in love (ya falla?) and wish upon a star and cuddle up with my dreams and there I am happy, even alone...

so I spent today watching sports on TV and talking with roommates and copying CDs and getting up very little... and writing yet another introspective entry that probably leaves little room for comment and I may wonder the same thing I wondered last night, where is everybody?... somewhere inside of me (the secure part) I know you're out there and you care... bless you for always being there (and around in real life too)... and yes Chris, the few loyal readers I know I have are worth so much more than any dozens of comments or flongs of fans... it is odd to reduce popularity into the numbers we call stats on the internet, but then, stats seem to be all most people want to know about people... alas, alack, and poo on superficiality...

and sippy, welcome to my odd little world on the net, daily life diary section... I hope I don't embarrass or offend you with my enthusiasm for your words and videos and ideas and adorableness, you're not the first, you won't be the last, but you are the one and only fantasy of the moment at the moment so I hope you don't mind if I lavish you with affection and passionate adoration... it's what I do to keep from getting old and stagnant and apathetic and cynical and complacent during this relationshipless time of life...

and that goes for all you other wonderful inspirations out there... the lottery dream (winning the lottery and sending all of you air fare and tickets to the Orlando, FL theme parks so we can have fun offline too) still inspires my smile, but until then I'll make love (or laughs) to you in words, innocently, of course...

I wish I had time to actually think about my writing, to plan posts and encourage my creativity to play out the fantasies in my head, but there's always something else to do (like I'm late for work again, surprise surprise)...

so I thank you for your comments (and for putting up with my begging for more) and I thank you for your inspirations (and accepting my strange way of showing my appreciation in the positive spirit I send it) and I thank you for coming back to read a little more of the madness that bounces around inside my head...

I feel your hugs, I hope you feel mine J

. . .






PS... people suck sometimes, especially boys who think with their penis or libido... if you care about me and people and fairness and truth, please go give her a hug...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




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.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

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.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
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~ BLOGLINKERS ~




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(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
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sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






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