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PO BOX 780398
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send me some music
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let your message come through
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-10-10 - 10:10 p.m.

night and day


well ok then (where did that originate?... a cartoon?... a TV show?... someone I knew?... me?... I believe I've heard it somewhere... before Bruce Almighty did well alrighty then... somewhere in my memory, personal and perhaps communal or both, that phrase has stuck... fascinating, isn't it?)...

another night at the workplace, the funny farm, the loony bin, the left cheek of buttville... and this being a night where the girls gather to gossip and talk trash and whatever else they like to do... like so many workplaces where people sit around and have little to do most of the time, this one is a mostly boring soap opera formed out of the overdramatics of a select few and the love of gossip among most everybody else... I'm not into talking negative about people or making fun of the kids so I stay out of it... at first I used to get an attitude from some of them as if I was being negative and anti-social or even judgmental, but they were projecting (hey, it's a psych hospital. they oughta know) and eventually they had to accept my silence as just my way of minding my own business and being professional about respecting privacy and caring and some of them had to deal with their conscience over what they said in their drama without the tacit approval they'd have had if I participated (and without using me as a punching bag, if you know what I mean)...

me, I'd rather write love songs aye?...

I know it's been done by writer's much more talented than I may ever be, but whether they are silly love songs or serious love songs or somewhere in between, I could easily spend several hours a day conjuring up some way, hopefully somewhat new and unique, to say I love you in a song.... thank you Sir Silly-Love-Song Paul and Jim Til-Eternity-Ends Croche (and so many others) for the lyrical references...

and as Harry said, I dream a bass will join me and fill the bottom in... there is often music in my mind along with the rhyming words, but I seldom reach for a method of recording the music any more (my keyboards have long been in storage with all the other music and books and stuff) in any form, not even to hum... but still, sometimes late at night, every now and then... I dream my dream of finding a partner who gives to music what I give to words and together we'll write the kind of songs the angels must have heard... like Harry also said... Harry wouldn't mind...

the trouble with writing a lullaby-like rhyme is it so easily lulls me into sleep, especially when I'm approaching a twenty four hour without sleep period and I'm stuck here at work with nothing to do and no inspiration to create something to do because my multi-track mind chooses to sing in multi-track harmony the lullaby from Mary Poppins...

so perhaps this is to be finished tomorrow night...

. o O ( the passage of time ) O o .

prophetic as ever, it is now tomorrow night...

after actually getting some sleep today (Monday is crash day, after all), pretty close to a full eight hour block, in fact, I woke bouncy and ready for anything, but being that I was a few hours away from having to be at work I chose not to go out (cuz then I wouldn't want to go to work) and instead I sat down to the computer... and then my roommates came home and somehow three hours went by and it was time for work...

I spent the time listening to their exciting lives... no, I am not being facetious (maybe a little jealous, but not facetious)... first Precious started telling me about her day and new boyfriend and Rasputin came in to find out what he's missed and then he took her to a band concert (her boyfriend plays trumpet in the school band... we've already used up all the lip jokes) and I thought I was going to get some awake babbling time in but when he got back there was a more serious discussion about his relationships... he's sort of juggling three, though not in the usual player sense...

he's only with one, actually... #1 is on again off again, very emotionally distant, guarded, and disappears for extended periods because she's apparently afraid of getting serious and likes her solitude... she runs from any thought of serious relationship talk and they are currently in a hiatus caused by her changing her number (due to a change of jobs) and not giving it to him... he's used to these distances and accepts her as she is, the fuck-buddy...

#2 is a long distance romance... he's met her once when he vacationed in the Ukraine for two weeks and they exchange emails every other day or so... actually, I believe they met through a service connecting American men with foreign women and the vacation was expressly to meet her... she speaks little English and Rasputin, despite his diary-name, speaks no Ukrainian or Russian or even French, which I believe she speaks... all of their communication is through an interpreter service that he pays for... he just sent tuition money for more English classes for her... he asked me to read her latest email and the discussion is serious, like asking what he expects in from a marriage and all the philosophical questions about relationships and what they mean to him... she reads as a very secure and balanced person and I like her, though I've never met her... we shall call her the potential Ukrainian mail-order bride...

#3 is the new girl at work... he's known her about a week... he says she's really cute and reminds her of #1, which is good as he's really attracted to #1 in many ways, but much more social (which is the missing ingredient from #1 that irks him most)... if #2 was not about ten thousand miles away, Raspy probably wouldn't have said yes to #3, but being that he was asked, they're going out Friday night...

so he needed to talk... he says that if he had the funds, he'd visit #2 again and quite possibly pop the question...he asked me what I thought of doing it via a translator over the phone... I told him that if he was really serious and had no other way of getting closer at the moment, then he should go for it... but then you, dear readers, know I am a follow your heart kind of guy...

ironically, he mentioned that Seattle had a very large Ukrainian community... and Portland... and I've pondered traveling through the northwest passage many times in my wandering jew life of seeking the ideal place in this world for me to live... so far I've lived (or at least visited for long enough to get a taste of how I feel about living in the place) in NYC (all of the boroughs, Long Island, and much of New Jersey), Toronto, Orlando (and surrounding small towns), San Francisco, LA, Monterey, San Antonio, Buffalo, Niagara Falls, Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Denver, Milwaukee, Detroit, Madison, Boston, Cape Cod, (and many New England towns), Hopewell (VA), Virginia Beach... memory starts fading when I try to make lists)... I've driven the cost roads from Maine to Florida many times and familiar with most of the eastern US and the southwest, but the northwest remains a mystery as I've not stopped long enough in any place in my travels to really get a feel for what living there would be like for me...

my primary decision to choose Orlando for an extended stay was the climate (some like it hot and I'm one of those some... I gave Tucson, Phoenix, San Diego, and Hawaii serious consideration as well) and the party atmosphere I loved as a tourist when visiting the place (which ultimately, along with the low cost of living at the time, gave Orlando the node... the cost of living has since gone through the roof, literally)... I've since discovered that the party is pretty plastic and limited to the tourist zones with the rest of the area being typical laid back Florida (which is lind of back-woods Southern Cali, in that makes any sense to you) and I live so far from the tourist zone that I'm going nuts from boredom and loneliness in the burbs... still the climate overrules all that I miss about NYC and Toronto, my two favorite places... and San Francisco would rank up there too if it was not so expensive to live there...

anyway, half the evening was discussing Rasputin's relationship possibilities and decisions...

obviously he's been pondering this for a while... and obviously the possibility of a new person entering the picture in #3 is bringing the thoughts to some sort of head in his head... hopefully whatever decision he makes will be good for him and Precious (and me too, since I may be hunting for a new roommate come the turn of the year and that's a crap shoot that can be exciting and fun and very rewarding or a total nightmare)...

then, just as Rasputin retired for the evening and I sat down at the computer to get some awake writing time in, Precious came home from the band concert... she obviously had to talk, based on her bouncing over to where I was sitting and bubbled over with energy while staring at me with a big grin on her face until I looked up at her...
we talked about baseball...

that is, we talked about the metaphors between running the bases and the various levels of making out... she asked if I heard the horn honk... apparently the front of a pick up trick got a bit cramped and his elbow, well, we laughed... she sounded and looked very comfortable and thrilled about the newly formed relationship (it's only about a month old... apparently they made a spectacle of themselves in the center pack on the dance floor at homecoming and the home school is teasing them about being a couple, but this was the first time they were alone together since they decided they were going out)... they sounds like he's giving just the right amount of respect so far, so we don't have to shoot him...

we also talked about the phone bill...

one of the questions Rasputin asked was about international calls (he only has a work phone... the house phone and mine and Precious's phones are under my name and it's one of those he'd use to call the Ukraine should he decide to call)... so I looked it up online, but before I checked out the calling plans I checked the latest bill and found it was $40 more than it's supposed to be... the details told me that Precious had 469 text messages in and out during that billing cycle... the plan allows 100 and charges 10 cents for each additional text message... she knows this... she's only gone over once before in the past year... my wallet was not pleased... so I had to get serious and try to impress on her that money doesn't grow on trees and she must be more responsible and the phone could be turned off and I sounded way too parental for a few minutes there...

I even pulled out the hurting such irresponsible spending can do to her hopes for an Ipod or equivalent pocket-sized music player for her birthday in December... that got her attention (since she's been oogling the 20GB Dell MP3 player for a few months now and the page just happens to be up on her computer whenever Raspy or I are in her room)... she's cute, she knows it, and she knows how to get what she wants, which makes this whole discipline thing parents are supposed to do a bit of a challenge for us... heck, I'm the one they usually have to tell to settle down when we go out places...

so the lecture went sort of like this... I told her to turn her phone off... she looked curious, but only a little concerned as she did... after asking her about text messaging and identifying how she went so far over the limit (she didn't realize that AOL Instant Messenger was somehow increasing her text messages drastically), I told her to turn it on again and pointed out that it was almost as easy to discontinue the service as it is to turn it off...

simple but effective, I hope...

then I told her that she has a new limit of 1000 text messages and if she goes over that she can hand me the phone... I sense some of you are looking at me kinda funny... yes, I upgraded for ten bucks a month to a thousand text messages on her line... she also agreed to do more cleaning around the place, which would be nice if it happens ("it better", we agreed, as the grin returned to her face)... yeah, that's me, stone cold discplinarian...

uh-huh, I also found out that there's a calling plan feature that costs $4 a month that will allow Rasputin to call the Ukraine at 26 cents a minute, so I added that feature to the line that Precious uses because he can more easily use her phone than mine and we don't need international calling plans on both lines... so tonight my monthly cost of living rose $14 plus taxes and whatever other secret fees the phone company sneaks on the bill for the two new features...

I remember when a phone cost $14 a month with everything...

yeah, I'm old... but just when did it become imperative to spend more than $100 a month on a phone and more than $50 a month on internet access?... don't even mention cable... and we don't even have a third of the bells and whistles available on the modern world communication packages... meanwhile, I've got to find more money for brakes, tires, and EMT school this week... shhhh, I'll just close my eyes and hope my checks don't bounce... that voice in my head that says that's what money is for, to buy fun remains the driver of my silly financial bus and hopefully that'll never change... but I do want to try to instill a bit more responsibility in those I influence than I actually have for myself cuz, well, that's a good thing, right?...

and suddenly it was time to get dressed and head out for work...

so this is the entry you get instead of the entry you might have gotten had I actually gotten to write whatever might have been on my mind as this entry started continuing from where it left off last night...

ever the romantic, huh?






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