LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

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ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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HELP THE RED CROSS
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NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
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HELP AND BE HELPED
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THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
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(202) 456-1111

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(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
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INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-02-16 - 1:05 p.m.

wouldn't it be nice


inside my head there is a brain that does not seem to ever stop (though thankfully I can consciously disconnect from it when I sleep so I can get some rest... I consider this the blessing that keeps me balanced enough to stay free to function in this insane world without losing touch with the other side of the wall... or yourself... but all the words may be moot, for no one can give you understanding that you do not give yourself)...

do you come here to pass time, out of boredom?... if so, I hope your find some entertainment, or at least distraction... I am not a cynical jokester or clever quipper or wise wit, I am just a babbler wandering wherever my mind might wander without wondering why or whatever... sometimes it means something, sometimes, who knows... deeper within, if you care enough to give the time, you might find something worthwhile...

do you come here out of loneliness?... if so, I hope you find the dreams the heart holds dear, the dream of being your friend, of knowing you, of actually sharing enough to trust and care about each other believing we know who we are, believing we understand... to care, to be a friend, that is the end of loneliness... and what I want most in this life...

do you come here out of concern for me?... maybe you think you know me well enough to have reason for concern or maybe you are wanting to care so much that you care even without truly knowing me... you are a treasure and I wish we could share more time in space to get to know and care more...

and I love the way you tell me that you care about who I am and when you reach out to show me that you want to know me it's a restoration of my hope that there is still more beauty and wonder ahead in this life... at times my doubts rise to suggest that life has passed me by, that I am over the hill (which hill, what hill, the last hill?) and might as well give up on the best of my dreams for myself and this life... age has nothing to do with it, I've felt this way before I could even begin to explain it... in between the wonders and excitements of life...

we're all manic depressive, didn't you know?...

ah, but I only partially jest and hopefully, by now, you know that... life is a roller coaster, that roller coaster being our own emotions... if we dare to feel them as much as we can (and not become a repressed and subdued zombie living in denial just to fit in and not rock the boat and feel the illusion of belonging), the extremes of highs and lows can be as exhilerating or exhausting as any physical ride you can imagine... your heart can run a marathon without every leaving the room...

and when the emotions come again and again in floods that grab your breath and pump your heart to the point where your mind floats away at such rapid thought patterns that you fear losing control, that is the moment you must decide who you are, whether you are the master of your fate or a victim of someone else's whim, and above all else, you must decide how much you trust yourself... if you trust yourself to find yourself and make the best of everything, you can survive anything and therein can enjoy any ride your mind can create emotionally (which is what happens when your mind gets physical with your body)... and if you let fear get the best of you and replace self-trust with self-doubt, you might give up your self and seek solance (or control) in others or something else or a pill...

I've explored all sorts of chemical additives and seriously looked into may philosophical, psychological, and spiritual explanations and supports and crutches, but only out of curiosity... there's never been a serious enough doubt in my head (or anywhere else in me) for me to let fear get the best of me for any period long enough to actually give up on myself or to feel I could not handle anything... I've made plenty of mistakes in fear and doubt and ignorance and stupidity, but there's always been a secure faith in myself deep inside that leads me back to my smile no matter what life experience (or my head) does to my body...

it is a lonely life, being this way... it is not the norm to not need an external reassurance, a system of beliefs that creates a bond and some sense of trust between strangers, a philosophy that gives some measure of understanding, a psychological explanation that provides some common language for experiences and feelings and therein some common ground for building trust... or just a party where everybody passes around latest drug, or an old familiar one...

but from the beginning and through all the explorations of others ways, I've wandered alone needing none of it and wanting, most of all, someone to share the journey of wandering through it all and needing none of it...

sometimes I wonder if anybody truly (by emprical experience) understands... of course no one can know everything you've been through that makes you you, for only you have walked through every moment of your life... and same for me, it is an improbably hope to want to be completely understood...

it would be nice to share a walk with someone who comes close...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
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random chance

who me?

leave a note?
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tell others
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the searchers

favorites

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HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

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