LIFE

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( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

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CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
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last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
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movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
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global news matrix
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reason
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nobody here




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odd todd
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the superficial
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church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
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fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
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ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
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real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
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(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
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let your message come through
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-02-25 - 3:59 p.m.

my day so far


as if the universe responds to me personally, it sent me this arrived in my web wanderings... more to learn...

perhaps my penchance for melodrama has influences my entries of late?... sometimes self-assessment is a ridiculous waste of time... I hope this entry is not just a series of semi-rhetorical questions or statements...

a few minutes before my work shift typically ends, the phone rings... and rings again... and again... my cell phone... it's Precious... she overslept again... even though Raspy's work schedule changed, I still seem to get home before him most days (unless I stay late)... so once again I detour after getting home...

but that's not enough distraction from the full immersion in creative passion on my day off... on my way out of work, in the parking lot, while on the phone with Precious, the acting DON (that's Director of Nursing) stops me to let me know they are still screwing up my evaluation and it still, on paper, suggests I did something wrong...

the place has a policy wherein each employee must have 40 hours of training each year... I showed up at every training they provided and showed up at some trainings twice, basically because they do not provide 40 hours of training a year... that is the point, they do not provide 40 hours of training a year... yet on the evaluation, they seek to infer that I somehow need a plan of correction so that I do not fall short of my madatory 40 hours of training next year... they withhold the annual pay raise as well...

we'll note here that because they do not provide the mandatory 40 hours of training, they count all staff meetings as training... you sign in on a sign in sheet to prove you attended and the manager or person providing the training gives the sign in sheet to the director of human resources who keeps a running tally of hours of training for each staff... this is the same director who somehow could not process an address change for a year and a half, preventing me from having a health insurance card for that year and a half...

I rejected the evaluation the first time they handed it to me because it was incorrect (I did not miss any trainings, it claimed I did but could not list any trainings that I missed) so they reviewed and revised and discovered that the former manager (who was let go last month) only handed in three sign-in sheets for the whole year for what are supposed to be monthly training meetings... "and how is that something that should reflect negatively on my evaluation?" I inquired... "it shouldn't," they responded... I was advised to speak with the Director of Human Resources (already did that after the first review of my evaluation last week... the address change person... she is, at best, incompetent)... before I call corporate headquarters and file a grievance, I will give her one more chance to find a way to resolve the managerial errors that left me without documentation for the meetings I attended...

but that was not enough (meanwhile we are still in the parking lot, I am half on the phone with Precious who is late for school, and of course I am already clocked out, so on my time)... the DON then advised me that they may have an emergency on Sunday and I may be needed to come in for a double shift... my expression must have gotten even more incredulous, for the DON looked more flustered... I asked, "you are predicting an emergency that will require me to be mandated to come in on my day off two days in advance?"... she responded, "well, we may not be able to find anyone to cover the shift.... and again I wasked how that becomes my responsibility and again I was advised to speak to another director...

I looked at the phone and explained to the DON that I am on the phone and was rushing home to get a kid to school before she is too late and I have a life outside of work that management needs to respect if they wish to keep employees from leaving in droves (the turnover rate is over 60% within the first year and within the last six months, a dozen senior people left or were dismissed, including the previous DON)... I doubt they care, which is the promary problem they have in running a health care organization...

so I get home, take Precious to school, get home again, and in walks Rasputin... he's got the washing machine to deal with and his car situation to deal with and has to get Precious to a court to get her a passport for her summer trip to Europe (they wanted a copy of the passport weeks ago) and I start nodding off in the big green chair... after some cereal... and as I slipping into a comfortable sleep, the phone rings... I let voice mail pick it up, but the ringing and Rasputin watching TV woke me so I checked the message...

it was the Director of the hospital who also carries the title Vice President of Psychiatric Division for the parent corporation that has dozens of hospitals all over the country (though most in the southeast)... his message was apologetic and concilatory, sort of... the gist was that they are desperate and really need help and his personal request is that I come in four hours early on Sunday evening... I will give him a very hard time about it next time I see him and I will let him know that when I am off duty, my phone will be off so if they want to change my schedule they need to get their act together and give reasonable notice and notify me while they are paying me the bargain rate they get me for...

I could deny receiving the message and blow him off, after all, cell phones are notorious (at least mine is, without exaggeration) for dropping calls and losing or delaying messages... the incompetence and unprofessionalism of the management slipped under my skin enough to still be occupying my mind eight hours after I got off work, therein absorbing my day off... and since half of my next day off is being given back due to their scheduled emergency, I will probably take a day or two off next week and for just the second time in four years, not provide coverage, but just call in and let management do their jobs (they will probably do nothing and just leave the place short staffed)...

I ordered a pizza...

have I become that predictable?... maybe, but all the best of intentions mean nothing if every day there is another excuse used to not do what I intend to do... obviously I have allowed this pattern to go on for a while and a review of the week provides the details to answer the questions I need answered... how did I get into this rut... why am I still in this rut... and ultimately, what must be done to get out of this rut...

the rut being an unhealthy lifestyle that is constantly reinforced by frustrating influences and interference from the people (work and home) I've integrated into my current life...

it's all bullshit...

my choice is to roll with the flow, to point at the influences and interference and challenges... my choice could be to go my own way and not let the incompetence and disorganization and unhealthy ways around me influence my choices... my choice could be to stand alone and let others go their own way... and for a long time, that was me and life as I knew it... loneliness convinced me to compromise and integrate others into my life... weakness of will allowed me to forget I still have a choice... truth is I can go my way without insulting or offending or putting off anyone else... maybe (that is maybe to the latter, not maybe to the fact that I can still go my own way)...

and maybe I'm heading back in that direction...

I will try to remember that when I am not focused on the silly frustrations and distractions and other people's messes, the universe sends me interesting messages and valuable information... I will try to remember where I end and where others begin and what I can change and what I can not change and where the peace is found in that knowledge...

so this way my day so far... hopefully yours was more productive, less challenging, and much more personally reqarding... hopefully you shared some time with intimate friends who care about you and who help you tolerate the world that basically just wants to use you for whatever you've got... hopefully you've shared some time with people you trust deeply, if not unconditionally, and found comfort and love in their eyes... hopefully you are inspired to do what is best for you and for those you love... and hopefully we share a smile...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


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