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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-02-24 - 9:02 p.m.

hmmmm, did I order up some more frustration?


well, as if I needed more proof that external forces were working against what is best for me, this morning Rasputin decides it's a good time for a wash... the washing machine is three feet from my bedroom wall and my mistake was still being awake when he walked in... his hours have changed, so he walks in ealier and occasionally before I do... if I want to, though, I can fall asleep with a sledgehammer banging on my walls, but have I been doing what is best for me in recent days?...

John Belushi: "noooooooooooo"...

so I have some cereal and ice cream for breakfast, since I am out of soy or rice milk and have gotten out of the habit of cow milk and refuse to use their milk (since it usually sits in the fridge until spoiled, badly)... but I am getting ahead of myself... it wasn't as simple as this... see, it was as if life knew I was not supposed to sleep again or at all in the morning when maintenance comes banging on our door... loudly... no stirring from Raspy's room (where he was probably nodding off in his chair at his computer)... the apartment downstairs is flooded... the washing machine appears to be the culprit...

as I write what I am about to write in this entry I find myself laughing and asking myself, "does this really happen to people?"...

and there I was, almost nodding off in the big green chair, which would have been a great thing since that meant I would not eat, but rather head to bed when I woke (or just spend the day sleeping in the chair) and therein take a step toward healthier sleeping patterns and eating habits... but Raspy did not come out to answer the door...

I told the maintenance guy to wait a moment while I knocked on Raspy's door, since it's not my washing machine and it's not my wash in it, but he just talked a lot and Raspy didn't come out of his room... I knocked a couple of more times, but the maintenance guy left before he could talk to Raspy, so I told Raspy that our instructions are: do not use it any more until a repair-person checks it out...

Raspy was not happy... he blamed the maintenance guy, or the movers, or the office people, and definitely did not like the instructions... I emphasized that they could charge us for damage if we do not do something, like maybe throw towels on the floor behind the washer to dry up the puddle... my towels were available, so they were used... we shall see what Raspy does about it... this morning, he moved the washer into the hall (blocking entry and exit to the apartment) and went to sleep...

now wouldn't you know that I put off doing laundry the last two weeks... should I mention that I have not done laundry since moving in here... that would be a month... and a week... draw your own conclusions...

I tend to procrastinate when I am not living an organized life... but it did not help that every time I thought about doing laundry, my roommies seemed to have something in the washer or dryer, which offered the perfect excuse to put it off another day... yes, I do have a lot of clothes...

so maybe the movers bent a hose and put a hole in it... maybe it was not connected properly... maybe they cracked something inside... in any case, we have no washing machine for the moment (and the moment is when I happen to have a whole lot of dirty laundry)... excuse me whilst I whine... I want my stuff from storage... I want my house... I want my life back... I want my mommy...

ok, whining over spilled milk will not fix anything (especially since I never actually had a mommy or anyone to fix things for me)... there is an expensive laundry room next to the office and gym at these apartments (of course the forced move put us farther away from it, so walking over is not a convenient option and I'll have to deal with the office people, people I have been avoiding since the moving fiasco, but that's just more stuff to deal with)...

so I'll spend more money and be inconvenienced and have clean clothes if I want to spend my weekend at their laundry room... what plans?... maybe I can squeeze in some of the things I planned to do... or just forget about trying to remember what a life was like... the laundry room is not 24 hours, so I'll have to wake during the day to use it... but there is the solution... lots of extra work, time consuming, inconvenience, and yet another fatigue-inducing frustration keeping me from refocusing on healthier sleep patterns and habits, but it's doable...

maybe I'll meet the soulmate of my dreams while sorting socks... do I sort socks?... sometimes... I have to be in a sock sorting sort of mood... same for folding underwear, since you obviously want more details (what, you didn't ask?... well then, you don't have to be the soulmate of my dreams who wants to know everything, do you... don't worry, we do not have to get into stains... at least not in public)...

meanwhile, remembering the frustrations I am grumbling about tonight, I do not want to get more deeply involved in taking care of things that other people should take care of (or spending more money on my roommates... not because I don't love them, but mostly because if I integrate my life too much with theirs and they become too dependent on me, I will not be free to start a new life with that soulmate who is helping fold my socks... but I am serious), so I am going to do my best to leave the washing machine alone and focus on returning to healthy sleep patterns and eating habits and so on... maybe this weekend...

maybe I'll slip into the gym while the clothes are spinning round in the expensive semi-public machines and therein dump some of the frustration where it belongs... outside of the body... we shall see... meanwhile, tonight is work, one more night for the week... of course calling in sounds like a great idea, but it won't happen... I don't leave them hanging unless I am dying...

of course I feel bloated... that's what a breakfast of cereal and ice cream and chocolate fudge topping and candy bars (oh, did I mention a few Big Kats in my stupidity for this morning?... big Kit Kat bars are my current favorite... there was a sale, 29 cent each, at the supermarket that I drove Raspy to the other morning after driving him to pick up his rental car... patterns... it's a wonder I am not seven gazillion pounds instead of just being between twenty and thirty pounds over what the books would call ideal... my doc tells me I'm broad shouldered and should go with the high end of the book body weight... it's all numbers to me, I go by how I feel... I feel bloated... I don't like feeling bloated... maybe this most recent challenge will push me back to the gym, since the grumbling is deeper than usual...

you may not hear it... this surface whining is my irreverent way of documenting the events that are obstacles to the path I know I should be on... mostly I laugh at my entries when I sound pathetic... I can be serious though... way too serious for human consumption, so I keep it to myself... the grumbling that really matters does not come out into words (well, maybe very rarely) because it does not waste the energy...

profound...

we shall see in the next few days if my tolerance levels for rolling with the flow have finally reach a point where something different might happen... or maybe it'll just the proximity of being next to the gym... or maybe I'll just buy another package of underwear and socks and a few more things to wear for the week... I've got a lot of clothes (since I work nights and wear sweats to work most of the time)... yes, the possibilities are endless...

so what else is new?...

tonight I watch the final segment of The 4400 which is typically disappointing so far as it reinforces the stupid human stereotypes that seem so acceptible no matter how stupid they obviously are... or how often they are repeated... the rule seems simple... fear, and therein hate what is different and attempt to control or destroy it... human logic... if I am an alien, I am happy I have little or no conscious knowledge of it... living with humans would be even more challenging than it already is...

Raspy is about to climb over the washing machine and head out to work... he said something about needing to sleep and the office not answering their phone... what the office is going to do about his washing machine, I don't know, but he seems intent on them having some responsibility for the situation... it was their moving company, so maybe he's looking to file a claim for damage to his washer... I wonder if that can be done more than thirty days after the move... maybe something will be done tomorrow...

Precious just came out to get my phone charger (she lost hers somewhere, so uses mine, very inconvenience since she needs it quite often, but we manage)... she is talking to her new computer at the moment, probably instant messaging...

and I shall shower and maybe write a bit more while watching the end of The 4400 and then head out to work... one of those powers would be handy right about now... actually, lots of them... so my agenda for tonight is lose myself in a sci-fi story and then lose myself in the weekly behavioral data summaries and other work I create for myself to keep myself awake all night... and in the morning, who knows...

you, dear readers, should be more amused than even I, for this bad situation comedy I loosely call life in black and white is not happening to you... may you be relaxing and enjoying your evening after a productive and fulfilling day and have no problems with major appliances...

my alarm clock just went off...






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