the z0tl watch continues daily as I strive to believe that the countdown is really for the second coming, that is, the film version of HGttG (which would be The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy because, in my innocence or naivity or hopelessly hopeful romanticism, I want to believe that if I believe something enough it might actually come true (perhaps through some psychic physics that is beyond our current knowledge base or understanding of how we and things work) as if I could possibly effect the affect of a relative stranger I want to call friend some thousands of miles away... it's all very scientific, really... but even the mice might have some trouble explaining it if they cared to...

this would have been Saturday's entry if I was on time, but as you may have noticed I am running a few days behind this week... no time for writing for me, so (need I expound?)...

ok, so where else have I been?... well (why do I feel like I've posted this already?... if I have, feel free to let me know), online... I found my way back to an apartment review site (now you know where I live... call before coming over so we can make sure there's nothing dangerous out there) where I found somebody named datadave sort of responded to my 02/09/2005 post about our experiences here at this apartment indirectly in a separate post (that allowed him to give the place a good rating and disparaged my post without actually addressing my words... sounds like sales tactics to me, but maybe that's a paranoid thought, aye?)... so I responded directly to him and then posted an update to that site (actually, I had to repost that update because the site deleted it due to a technicality... apparently, though the site states it posts "Apartment reviews by real people", they do not want anyone to be too real... signing my name and phone number for anyone who wanted to verify the veracity of my experience was against their rules... I am curious to see how many anonymous rebuttals there will be... and I wonder why any honest tenant would go to the site to write their honest experience and instead, try to discredit or rebuff another tenant who had a different experience that they have no knowledge about... sounds kinda fishy, aye?)...

and how many phone calls...

I found thin walls talk while there at the apartment site and decided to post a z-man (note the desperate attempt to be cool or down with it or something like that while somewhere inside, frantically brainstorming the precise words or actions that might make a difference enough to inspire life for another day), I am currently petitioning the universe for more time to proceed along my favorite path, which is the explore fantasy muses of the moment (without any perverse or carnal emotional creativity, at least not yet... and those of you who know me know I don't go there without a very specific invite because I am not here to offend those who would be offended by those sort of physical fantasies and ultimately, truth is that in my mind I love the innocent fall fantasies even more than any others for the mind is the most sensual of all, so yes, to return to the point, I am looking for time to fall in love more, again)...

it's building, you know... the excitement, I mean...

and in keeping with my attempt to be cool, I shall just casually mention that I like (note, like is the cool way of saying really really excited about, but shhhhh) the potential of this, especially since she already has me telling secrets and lo and behold, I may have found where I lost my mind... but it's just a conversation and as yet, hardly even that, so let's not all get our panties in a frazzle and stock up on rice or some such symbolic fertile harvest ritual...

and then I wonder...

does anyone else laugh at me as much as I do?

and then I wonder...

will all my silliness be as funny when I am old?

and then I wonder (cuz wonders almost always come in threes, dontcha know)...

are we lost in some parentheses?

aherm, as in the throat clearing let's be serious or that will be quite enough of that family of aherms, not to be confused with the Ni ofthe Knights who say Ni, if you follow the drift...

maybe it was all the church I did this week... it's a powerful drug, you know... church, I mean... I know people who snort it all the time... all that good cheer (and wondering if it's real)... the first one was wide open (I mean, they were showing Dogma, after all... believe what you will, just respect each other and do no harm... and then, last night, the pressure to conform... all those people believing one way and only one way is the only right way and everybody else can go to hell... or be pitied... dopiates for the masses...

yes, so a few work friends and I went to another church to see an original you-solve-it type mystery play on Friday complete with home-made (or church-made, to be more precise)dinner... it was interesting, but typically full of subtle and heavy handed prosthestizing and preaching...

we sat at community tables and go figure, the girl sitting next to me was talkative and curious and after talking about where we work for a minute, she asked about suicide... specifically, she asked what to tell someone who wants to kill themselves...

as if I have any answers...

I ran down the list of textbook stuff and of course emphasized encouraging the person to talk and seek some professional help and all that, but in the end I come back to the only thing that makes sense to me, from the good book... just tell us you love us, so we don't feel alone...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)