LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-08-07 - 4:00 a.m.

I'm not heavy, I'm your brother


ah, 4AM... the lonely hour... according the The Carpenters and who am I to argue with one of my top ten all-time favorite songs?...

I'm wide awake at 4AM without a soul in sight
hanging on a hope that I'm alright

yeah baby (must mock the loneliness to keep it tame, must laugh for laughter feeds hope... it's chemical, actually, in the brain and all)...

I regress... I do not mean I digress... I am feeling more and more like I belong in kindergarten right about now... of course a rather strange kindergarten where all the other kindergarteners have knowledge and experience far beyond their years...

ah, there's one I left out of catz-eyes's contest... Tell us a True Story of the most outrageous, risqu and/or daring place that youve ever made out in.

the library corner...

that's when and where I had my first sexual encounter... we were both four and we liked to get naked and roll around on top of each other and kiss and lick and play with each others body parts... it started during nap time when we'd curl up next to each other while everyone was sleeping... we eventually would take our naps closer and closer to the library corner... we stopped sleeping during nap time and quietly played with each other... schoolyard activities followed nap time and they sometimes left the kids who were still sleeping (or appeared to be still sleeping) inside while the awake kids when outside... then we'd carefully slip behind the library shelves when everyone else went outside and slip out of our clothes and play and explore...

I just love the irony that I would remember this during the lonely hour... it's one of the warmest most precious memories I have (and one of the oldest)...

I filtered out the not fun stuff over the years... the getting caught part... the reprimands, accusations, rulebooks, judgments, and doctors with their mind games and tests... it was quite traumatic, dealing with adult fears and prejudices and repressions and having no adult have any inkling of just how stupid and weak they appeared to us little kids... they could offer not one good reason for why they came down on us like a ton or bricks, like we were diseased, yet we were supposed to accept their abusive judgment that we were horribly wrong just because they said so... I never saw her again, but she marked my libido well for almost every libido fantasy has a strong vision of her in them...

eventually, when they couldn't legally or ethically put any other label on me, they called me deviant genius and told my caretakers to keep a close eye on me...

I lusted from a far for many years after that...

might even still have some psychic scars, though I don't feel any inhibition sexually in conversation or action... ultimately, tying it in with the start of this entry and realizing why the thought came to mind, that was the start of my deepest loneliness... everyone treated me like I was an alien mostly because I did not buy into the commonly accepted fears, so I have come to feel very alien amongst most humans because my four year old logic still finds no need or sense in most human fears and I find no flaw in that four year old's logic...

so even in a crowd, I can feel very much alone, for I look for eye contact, for openness, for vulnerability... and I offer the same... and my open and vulnerable presence seems to keep people away as if the one with the least fear is the one to be most feared...

and there's yet another late night insight into the psyche of the writer sitting behind the candoor...

aye?






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there