I do not have time and am way too sleepy to do this week justice, but I did upload eight (this being the eighth) partial entries today and this is the conclusion or at least the last one for today... each of the seven entries prior to this one are incomplete (hence the partial affectation, or whatever it is), so if you read them, please read them again later this week (might take until next weekend to actually finish them, but maybe sooner)... hopeful that you will, I'll nudge that feeling of wasting time back into the darkness where it watches with wide wondering eyes... and if you don't read the previous entries, well, then, maybe I was right in the wrong place... or something...

around here there's pizza on the table again... and as always, many sugar drinks everywhere... it is not wise for one with over-eating tendencies and serious oral addictions to live with a fat person who has no will power and lives in denial of their unhealthy habits and addictions...

yeah, though I walk through the valley of the pizza, soda, and candy bars, I shall fear no evil for will power is mine for the having and if I only empower it well, surely wisdom will follow me the rest of my days...

Heidi, our refreshingly healthy guest from Germany, must weight about six ounces... ok, I exaggerate, she's probably ninety pounds... maybe... I am not lusting, even though she's physically a libido fantasy, cuz she's a minor in my care and I know how to be good... and I don't mean that kind of good, though I wouldn't mind being good there either... my point was, before libido so rudely interrupted, that she's a wonderful influence... she's a vegetarian (dairy only) and last night I kinda lead a parade through the food store until Rasputin's wallet cried uncle and about a hundred dollars later we have fruits and nuts and yogurt and other healthier foods in the house...

life is so full of frustrations and blessings...

when we went to dinner last night... Raspy and Precious ordered the same thing they always order... I ordered a make-your-own pasta dinner without any meat (not even shrimp, which is my most frequent addition)... it felt good to choose to experience the vegeratian in me again... you may recall I was a Vegan for a few years... that was easy cuz I was living with a Vegan who was passionate about it (and me, for a while)... yes, I am a chameleon, perhaps even amorphous...

I love life, from the decadence to the pristine, the healthy and the nearly suicidal, the aesthetic and extravagant, sparse and ornate (though too much ornate is definitely not my cup of tea)... I used to love dressing up, still enjoy costumes and play acting and role playing, but relax most in as near to nudity as is comfortable for the environment and those around me... I love the explosion of sensory experiences (and can depend too much on foods for pleasure when I am alone too long) as much as I love the inner peace I find in sensory deprevation... I love the passion in everything, from one extreme to the other...

do you know the passion of silence, of stillness, of listening to the stars?

I mean the stars out there in space beyond the atmosphere of this planet, not the movies and TV and recording stars, in case you were wondering... but I do love listening to and watching the arts and crafts of audio visual stars too... and coming full circle to be part of the show, this is life as I know it, as I want to live and share it...

and when I meet someone who reaches me, who inspires me, who wakes me up inside and reminds me... I find words coming to mind that express the person I know myself to be (a person I almost forget sometimes when i am alone too long)...

I want to learn the language of your heart and speak the words that open it's core. I want to hear the silence of your soul and give it all the space and time it needs. I want to feel your breath and inhale your exhale. I want to stroke your skin until your senses are overwhelmed and you scream with ecstasy. I want to taste every inch of your body and massage your most sensitive places with my lips and tongue. I want to enter you as you wish and move with you stroke for stroke until our muscles are numb and sensuality peaks. I want to love you back into infancy, to pleasure your body until you curl up and suck on your own lips and slip into unconscious bliss.

and I want to comfort you internally with just as much passion even if we choose not to feel the biochemical inspiration to want to share bodies... it is rare for me to want to enter another body, whether due to self-preservation or some form of personal prejudice or simply the inate instincts and biochemical connections beyond our knowledge and control, so rarely do I meet an individual in the flesh who inspires me to fall in love in every way...

but in my imagination, ah, I am so easy...

to be continued...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)