just so you know, this is today, in case you are here right not today when the date is all in synch... the two previous entries (which would be the two after today) are the day before and the day before that, though not in that order... that is, the last three entries are today, yesterday, and the day before yesterday in reverse order... just cuz that's the way they were written... it's not that I am trying to confuse you or anything...

I have often wished, to be totally serious for a moment (yes really), that there was a way for use to all be in a room where we could meet and greet and share our interests... if I ever win the lottery or get rich some other way again, I think I'd travel around and rent a hall and cater a party in cities all around the world and you are all invited... of course I could be sitting there in a big room all by myself because nobody would take such a thing seriously or nobody would want to come out from behind the screens and really meet each other, but I'd enjoy the travelling anyway and give the food (of course it would be a catered party) to homeless shelters... still, I can dream that maybe a few of you (or many a lot more) would show up and we'd enrich each others lives in the offline world just as much, if not more than we do in words here in cyberspace...

anyway, I came back tonight to bring us back to real-time and to say thank you to all the wonderful people leaving notes lately...

and for the concern about my fasting and eating habits (in notes and in other ways, more than a few of you care so very well), I hope to reassure you that I am ok and not heading for an eating disorder (heck, I'd make a joke about already having one, but this is a serious thanks so skip the fact that I love food and the process of tasting, chewing, swallowing, and eating in general and heaven, for me, would have to include free all-you-can-eat buffets with everything imaginable served, always fresh and hot when it's supposed to be hot, even though body weight remains perfectly whatever perfectly might be)... I am probably not going to fast more than a couple of days (today being the second) and I did eat some delicious Clementine oranges when I felt the need for a sugar boost and I feel a little tired but overall great... the liver did it's thing (release glycogen, even if I spelled it wrong) after the workout at the gym and is resting comfortably now...

in fact, while writing this I decided to eat three slices of fat-free turkey (haven't found salt-free, alas) to inject some protein into my digestive tract since my muscles were talking to me after the gym workout... and I took extra vitamins today and am drinking more water than usual and I usually drink more than a gallon a day... I just want this body to know it's loved and I've been neglecting it for a while and the last six months of working out is a good step in the right direction, but I remember this body being in much better overall physical condition than it is today and this week I decided the laziness will back off some more and I will aim for 180 for a target without setting any particular time frame other than trying not to rise above 190 again... being about 70 inches tall and rather wide at the shoulders, I carry an extra twenty or even thirty pounds without a belly and many people suggest I am fine even at 200, but this country is conditioned to accept an extra 20 or thirty pounds as ok if it doesn't show and visual reactions is not the point for me... it's how I feel and I feel best down under 180 so it's time to get back there again...

I don't think about weight or appearance much... I used to think about health and used to stay more in touch with the way this body feels more than I do... it may be finally time to return to remembering having abdominal muscles and remembering posture and how it effects awareness and presence and interactions and life in general... maybe the period of mourning and deadness is finally coming to a close (can I expect a note from Toronto now to try to keep me hanging on?... ah, it's good to have some serious irreverence back) and a new life to begin... like maybe even take planet candora seriously as a real life, not just a fantasy... and maybe get to feeling thinking again...

that would be sweet...

so I head to my notes page right now if you have the time or whenever you have time and find angels that deserve more thanks than my simply telling you to go visit them... and to sorta quote an old Melanie song that sums up my feelings for the moment, and so tell them you love them, so they don't feel alone...

and those of you who have not left notes recently, please know I love you too and treasure the caring you share, any way you share it... so have a really great night and day and remember to love yourself until we can get together and share some good times...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)