ok, here we are again another day after the fact, or is it two by now... yes, there are two entries on hold in the back of my brain (with a few words scribbled somewhere) and I look at the date and find it is another day... they just keep coming, ready or not, huh?...

so what's new?...

feel free to jump in with your news here...

...

well, since this diary is only as interactive as the delay of notes and emails and such go, I'll continue now because it I do not write this entry and upload it you'll never read the query and my curiosity and concern for you will not likely be satisfied... unless you suprise me with an impromptu message or mail or call and then we'll get to know each other better and find out all sorts of things like what sort of cheese goes with the bread in our minds... or something like that...

I did not eat today... yesterday I ate five clementine oranges... you must know what clementine oranges are, for if you don't you are missing one of natures most amazing tastes... especially if you have a sweet tooth and the fruit is fresh... and even though the taste takes me back to the heart of my loves and losses in Toronto (sigh and all), it's still as new and wonderful to my taste buds as anything delicious and besides, for memories to be bittersweet and last forever, there has to be a lot of sweet in them too... don't give up your sweets, or all you'llhave left are your bitters...

anyway, I have this doctor's appointment on Friday, if you recall... and I promised the doc that I'd drop some weight before showing up this time, as I've mentioned... and I did not take the weight loss idea seriously these past weeks since making that promise to the doc and I keep my promises, so I am losing weight as we speak (or as you read and I type) the Ghandi way... I do this now and then and feel amazed by the cleansing feeling that a fast can bring (once it passes that first day gonna starve right now fear and the hunger pangs)... I am not sure if I ate the day before yesterday, and being that there was no actual entry for that day yet, I don't have anything to look back on to check... but I feel good...

I will probably be quite tired at work tonight since I don't go to work for another six hours and I've been awake a couple of hours already and I work at least nine hours, likely ten, and I might yet get to the gym today... I usually take a break from the gym or serious working out during these fasts, but I am thinking about getting to the gym and then eating some protein so the muscles don't get digested by the body as the brain screams cuz it's being forced to change it's dietary thinking (weight set points and metabolism and all that technical stuff)...

just gotta keep as close a watch on the kidneys as I can...

meanwhile the usual distractions surround me in the space as Raspy is in less agony since he got to his doc and was given some serious medications (he still hasn't been to work this week, which for him means he was dying, since he usually works at least six 12 hour days a week and rarely takes any time off)... being near death, he has sought attention more than usual, which I suppose is to be expected... his mom, who apparently ran away from home for good reasons, is relaxing in Precious's room mostly... and like mom like son I suppose, a whole shelf of the fridge is now occupied by soft drink since they don't particularly store food in the house since they don't cook much, which is good since they don't clean much... all in all, it balances out in my favor since I am fasting...

one of these days I will live with someone who shares more of my interests and there'll be more sharing of cooking and space-fun and music and words and bodies and creativity and even cleaning up behind ourselves, but until then I'm thankful to have an old friend to kick around cuz it's much more fun that a strange with different and semi-incompatible habits, if you know what I mean... and if my giggles are not showing through my tone in these words, well, then, blame it on the fasting-fatigue cuz I cleaned the kitchen good last night and it's still clean and I'm not nearly as alone as I feel sometimes and much closer to my core, I'm feeling pretty darn wonderful at the moment (the brain produces some amazing chemicals when fasting)...

I have had Toronto on my mind more this week than in other recent weeks or months... the Clementines were certainly one sense-memory reason, but they were preceded by some rather dedicated inquiries from a friend who does a really great imitation of a devil, I mean devil's advocate... it was not nearly as painful as it use to be to try to explain how biology has, at least in my case, nothing to do with the emotional bonds in my heart (since I've got no biological connections to refer to when considering relationships and what they mean and how they feel) and besides, as much as I rationalize and intellectualize in my endless ramblings, I am most truly a creature of feelings and follow my heart (ok, sometimes it appear blindly, but my eyes are always open and I always see a whole lot more than I might want to cuz nothing is ever perfect and the fairy-tale child still dreams of perfection when nobody is around to poke holes in such bubbles, ya know)...

there are people in this world who will always have a home in my heart and that's just the way I am and the way it is and most of all, the way I like it... and as Lily Tomlin's little girl would say with a raspberry, that's the truth...

and there is always room for one more

(actually a lot more than one, but one is the deepest desire and where I will allow need to grow)...

(and we can debate desire vs. need another time, since I am in too good a mood right now to pause anywhere for long)...

if you haven't already noticed, that is, you'll find some of my online skimming here and more here and here and if you leave, please take care, hope you make a lot of nice friends out there... and there's still something brewing over there, but it is not quite soup yet cuz I didn't have the time to let her and others wrap themselves around me and squeeze out the rest of the inspirations that were inspired last weekend, so stay tuned...

meanwhile, on a completely unrelated subject, I got two wrong, which really surprised me since I guess on at least five of them... maybe it's the fasting... how about you?... yes I know, it is made by Microsuffer, but it's still brain food... I expected this to be more racey, but then I've been known to be perverse... hope it doesn't bug you too much...

all in all, I still don't feel like I've thanked you enough... or properly, even...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)