LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-03-20 - 9:19 a.m.

return of the blogmadding babbler


as a previous entry let you know, I've been spending my net time browsing sites through blogMad! (and loving every minute of it, Jerry) and yesterday actually started chatting in the shout box on their site (something I've not done in years)... as blogMad! synchronicity would have it, Smash showed up during my first day back into the world of online real-time chat, which helped loosen up my rusty chat fingers...

so if you've missed me (and thank you for that), you just might find me chatting there again (and in their IRC window we could have a more private chat if you'd like so you could ask me all the questions you really want to know and get real-time answers... imagine, we might even engage in conversation... I've got chills just thinking about it)...

today at 7pm EST, the blogMad! site goes into public Beta, the doors open and everyone is welcome (though it would be kind of you to let me refer you so I can give you some free credits to start you off)...

you use the site as much or as little as you like... you get from it what you put into it... if you sign up and want no more to do with the site, do nothing and you'll have no more to do with it...

I signed up for many of these visitor-increasing sites and haven't heard from any of them because I did not seek any further attention or service... I mention this for those of you who are concerned about your privacy and, as I am, remain somewhat of a recluse online... signing up does nothing to change that (but it does allow you to explore the features and services for yourself - and it helps me if you use me as a referral... and you want to help me, right?)...

if you do want more visitors to your diary or journal or blog or other personal site, then blogMad! is the best way I've found... for every site you visit through the blogMad! site, another new visitor is introduced to your site and, in fact, you'll likely get a better than 1:1 ratio if you interact more on the site...

I've had more than 2000 visitors that came through blogMad!... the more I browse their sites, the more visitors come here... and best of all, for me, is that I am finding fascinating and inspiring new sites and learning a lot which is giving me much pleasure and ideas for entries and fun, it's much fun...

if you want to chat with others like you who share themselves and/or their creativity in words or images on the web, if you want to find new friends and learn great stuff you can use to enhance your own site, than the blogMad! community has just what you need...

as a bonus (and the creators of the site are amazingly supportive, almost always around to answer questions or chat, and generous people) there is a double credit day to celebrate the public opening... that means that for ever site you browse, you get two credits... you can do all sorts of fun stuff with your credits, but mostly your credits are how you get new visitors to your site... one credit is deducted from your account each time another visitor is directed to your site...

so I will be browsing there most of tonight (starting Monday evening, 7pm EST) and tomorrow because it's more fun than ever to get two for one while having fun exploring new sites and meeting new people...

if you are one of the folk who prefer brief entries that stay on a specific topic, then this is your stop... I probably already exceeded your reading quota... the rest of you, well, here comes whatever we might find as I pour words out of my mind...

hmmm, a build up like that deserves something special and there's so much bubbling over in my head that nothing's particularly special in any coherent form... as with any personal diary (journal or blog)

meanwhile, aside from the major change in my writing time (I've written less in the past week than I have in at least eight months), life hasn't changed much behind the candoor... I'm still passing by the gym, though the improved diet that re-started last week is continuing... I am still working nights and sleeping days (though getting less sleep what with my recent blogMad! explorations)... I'm still lonely for romance and intimacy and there's no change in my monotonous offline social life... the babbling words in my head are bumping into each other a lot and they'll be exploding out any day now (this is a start, I suppose) to further enhance the impression that I am quite without all my marbles at times...

as for the others behind the candoor, Precious starts back at school today after three weeks (at least) of being home sick with strep and mono and hopefully she'll not have any relapses... Rasputin is still working way too many hours between sleeping and farting... Berry is nearing the end of her pregnancy and has been put on bed rest by her doctor because her blood pressure has gone up too often, so she's ok for now and might be having the baby in her eighth month (which starts in a week or so)... baby shower and other plans are postponed now... Bert is doing ok for a stressed out daddy-to-be, all in all, and we're all hoping for no more complications...

so at work, with Berry on bed rest, I expect the paperwork to become a mess in a week or two and I will hopefully take a few days off to keep from taking it too seriously and stressing out over it (if I am wise, that will be what I do)... naturally some probably expect me to do everything, but that's just not happening... so Elpien, who's still the same, will have to step up and be a supervisor when and if the mess becomes too noticeable to ignore...

and so here we are

I write as I have since I could first hold a crayon, primarily for myself to express and release what I think and feel... to get a better sense of myself and everything by seeing the words and read them from a different perspective... to record this life I loosely call mine...

I write online still primarily for myself, though almost equally in the hope that someone will read the words and find me and relate to me and like me... I've experienced very social periods in this life and in recent years, experienced very solitary times... I have room in my life for friends, for an intimate friend, for a lover, for a partner in life...
all sharing, including putting these words online, opens the door to more people and better chances of finding people who relate to me well enough to fill those empty rooms... you must enjoy ghosts as much as I do, however, as most of those rooms are quite haunted and I would not have it any other way...

I joined the blogMad! community to further expand the possibilities of finding those few people in this world who might share similar enough qualities (and flaws) and who can truly relate to me enough to fill those rooms...

as I have said, I live to share caring because that feels best and I choose to feel the best I can feel... I had a lot once in terms of friends, family, and material... a very full, rewarding, beautiful life... I lost everything in the nineties and I have been on and off in rebuilding a full life and quite lazy about it in recent months (and in some ways for specific reasons, ambivalent for a decade)...

participating in blogMad! may be a concrete step back from the land of the mostly dead where I sleepwrite heart dreams, dance in a lovewarp, try to remember fundamental aspects of the self I used to know as me (and others), and listen to the deafening silence (and this just about scratches the surface)...

maybe...

the fact is if you were to click on every link and read all that can be found and then explore the rest of my written gardens on the web, you'd still be at only the deepest aspect of the first layer of sharing and realness in the real world...

words reach through your eyes and into your mind where you control everything... what you make of these words is not me, but it is your vision of me... to know me, you must know much more than the image your mind paints... other senses must become involved... others ways of connecting... and ultimately, the second layer of sharing and realness in the real world begins with eye contact...

there are so many more layers, deeper layers, more meaningful layers...

as you skim the surface today, you may not even reach this paragraph... you may click away on your surfing for credits expedition before you read half of this entry... and if you've come this far, you still might not be here for the same reason I am here... the rooms of your life may already be quite full and if that is the case, yay for you and thanks for reading this far down the line...

it is my hope that the sincerity with which I seek friends might impress upon you that I am worth knowing and worth passing along to others who might have the similar perspectives, temperaments, interests, and room in their lives for me that I have for them...

life, the universe, and everything is mostly fun for me, almost always... loneliness inspires me to continue searching and the hunger to share sometimes aches, but even that does not diminish the fun I experience in being me and loving the moments of this life...

read this if you want to know more...

I don't want anything you don't want to give
I don't want to be your reason to live
that is something I want in shared time and space
but make yourself comfortable in this place

these words are a window reflecting within
the meaning you find is just where you begin
if you venture further you may understand
I live in a world neither private nor planned

so I treasure my secrets, few as they may be
and I worship my friendships more than fantasy
yet I live in my mind waiting for honesty
and when love conquers fear that is when you'll find me

I am a dreamer a poet a sage
living each day like the turn of a page
wishing on stars for a dream to come true
knowing what matters most is what we do
maybe this makes sense to you

I don't want anything you don't want to share
I don't want to be the reason you care
that is something you only find inside
so be who you are even if you must hide

these words are a doorway into my psyche
it would be sweet if you started to like me
and if you reach for more you may understand
I'm looking for someone who will hold my hand

so I pleasure myself, while I am alone
and dream of a time I am not on my own
still I live in my mind waiting for honesty
and when love conquers fear that is when you'll find me

I am a dreamer a poet a sage
living each day like the turn of a page
wishing on stars for a dream to come true
knowing what matters most is what we do
maybe this makes sense to you







. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there