LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-10-01 - 3:52 a.m.

and so it goes (again)


as long as money remains your first goal
or even stays a deal breaker for you
you'll never find the love you really want in your heart
so fool yourself is the best you can do

I will tell you the truth
until you run away
you don't have to believe
or like a word I say
you can protect your children
and they will buy your lies
but abuse wills out in the end
and that's why you close your eyes

as long as fear guides you through time and space
you will not understand your passion's plea
and love will remain a fantasy that you hide away
appearances are all you dare to see
and you'll wonder why you never get to me
and you'll wonder why you never seem to get me


we return to the land of nod wide awake and dreaming of sleeping in the arms of the one who believes there is no better place to be... and when you find such a place you flinch, as Alanis Morissette said, at her name... or his name, as the case may be... and I wonder if those I felt so deeply with and those who felt so deeply for me flinch at the sound of my name as I do at the thought of theirs... I wonder if they seek out my name when they browse the web as I seek out theirs... I wonder if, when meeting someone new who happens to share my name, they want to like them as I want to like someone I meet who happens to share their name...

or perhaps I hang on to the most precious feelings a bit more than they or anyone does... and if I am the only one, so be it, because it feels so much better to feel and remember my love than it does to grow careless with my love and forget...

maybe I should be afraid that I believe I understand many of the experiences the medical field call and label as mental illnesses because I experience them actively and voluntarily and even more, firmly believe I have almost complete control over my journeys through them (or is it just a series of delusions and flashbacks from all the drugs I did in the sixties?... or was that the seventies?... seems like only yesterday that all my troubles seemed to far away, actually... but I don't go running for the shelter of a mother's little helper anymore... not even in the perverted sense, if you follow my judge naked under his robe line of MP insinuation)...

and when does he jest and when is he serious...

shhh, that would be telling


there are people in this world who knew me almost as well as I know myself, but only one or two who were trusted with every secret I knew, trusted with the key to every door and the most complete map I could draw... there is no one in my life who shares that level of intimacy and trust today... no one that interested... no one that sensitive... no one that compatible... no one that intense or irreverent... no one who cares quite the way I do... no one with the energy to maintain as I do... no one with the will (or stubbornness) or critical eye or attention to detail or conscious awareness or enlightenment or ability to experience the senses as I do...

no one who can reach me wherever I go... no one who wants to even try...

I miss the songs I used to sing almost daily... I miss the time to focus on honing the best parts of myself... I miss the people who knew me at my best... I miss someone who believes in that best not through blind face, but through experiencing me there... I miss being me, sharing me, her and me...

do you know her?... she's a little girl... so soft and innocent... with teeth that shine like pearls... though small in stature, she's got the biggest heart... and in her mind infinity and magic starts... a gentle touch, still firm and strong... and not afraid to sing her song... above all else, she means no harm... and unafraid of false alarms... or sharing all of her sensual charms...

she doesn't buy into the social graces and cultural taboos are other people's fears... she doesn't fit in normal places and she sees rainbows through her tears... her laughter ranges from giggles to guffaws... her zest for life makes other people come to pause... her charisma attracts every eye every where she goes... and she shares my truth and secrets from my head down to my toes and more, she shares the me that only she knows...

nothing can hide from the child with honest eyes
hated by those with something to hide
loved by those who have not yet died
and those who believe in love can conquer fear
the child with honest eyes is everywhere
even as you see her disappear


and I feel an even deeper longing rising back out of the depths of my deepest being, a longing to connect, to share, to be comfortable with someone as only the truest friends can be... more comfortable even that lovers, for the most passionate lovers don't always make the most comfortable friends, but the most comfortable friends can be the most passionate lovers or not, because the comfort is there first...

ever the romantic, and I love it so, even when the longing becomes an aching and the aching becomes an agony... it is the most precious pain, as Melissa Etheridge once said, and for me, it proves I am still not only alive, but worth living and loving and ready...

and that makes so much sense to me....

in fact, to lighten and expand on the mood, it proves I am ready, willing, and able (maybe a bit light on the willing part, but then, maybe just as extremely picky as I've always been so it appears as though I am light on the willing part cuz there's not doubt about it that all of my parts are willing and eager to {pick your metaphor} stand up and be counted, jump right in, or enter a new relationship... several times a day or night, even... in fact, to be blunt {literally and metaphorically and figuratively too}, it can be downright {or upright, to be more precise} awkward to fall asleep in the living room in my boxers sometimes)...

probably a lot more information than you needed, but sheesh, where else am I going to be able to express the unique frustration of still having a teenage libido and hormonal surge when I am supposed to (by all societal and cultural standards and norms) be losing interest and even looking for a way out of daily (more, please) coitus?... but not just slam bam thank you ma'am, please, for that would never be enough (ah, never enough, as Patti Smyth says... or don't you need, as Melissa Etheridge says, like the way I do)...

and we have yet to begin...

for me, every moment of sharing with a lover is foreplay... any wonder why I fit in and party with people a whole lot younger now?... and you thought it was merely my child-like innocence and youthful energy and cartoon-like personality, huh?... well, there's a fourth factor that plays into social compatibility just as much as those other three, but I'm not supposed to mention it or talk about it (and woah to even think about actually acting on it ya know...

my current alone state making any more sense to you now?...

not that I expect much of an answer, no less discussion of this most crucially dissatisfying daily life dilemma I face all the time every single day and night because, after all, we are a culture afraid of sex and so repressed that the most natural human reactions to stimulus it often, if not usually, considered perversion or even illegal in most circumstances... and that doesn't even factor in the single most profoundly pervasive prejudice of all that even those who agree it is foolish buy into completely, namely ageism...

I've considered castration, but then, why should I cut my nose off to spite my face, so to speak, just because society would be more comfortable if I did?... what I have done is learned how to live and act and react like a eunuch in public (I'd have said priest or parent, but then, the incidence of sexual reaction and abuse is much higher in priests and parents than it is in eunuchs, and unfortunately, that's no joke) and simply love myself when I get home...

and sexuality is just the surface of sensuality and so rarely does anyone truly reach past the surface without acting as if there's no

so as I've said often (and now maybe it makes even more sense than it has before), the odds of my finding a socially acceptable unilaterally compatible and mutually satisfying mate grows slimmer and slimmer with each passing year...

all the while nature hustling me in the opposite direction...

and there's the rub that makes finding the rub more and more challenging (or at least the surface rub, part of the equation... not wanting to separate the physical from the emotional aspects of sensual sharing is a deeper reason, but it's more fun to play with words on the surface sometimes... flip it, flip it good, ya know?)...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




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.

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.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
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