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2005-10-21 - 1:43 p.m. 200 Things with Luva you know this is not done, these things never are... yes, italic emphasize and all... must be my mood today... be careful, or an exclamation point might be sneaking up behind us... in any case, for now, this is yet another of those horribly accepted and universally hated LISTS!... for shame, italic SHOUTING and an exclamation mark... well, at least we were warned... not that we had any time to prepare or anything... but the rules of ethical grammatical fanfare have been followed and that is what matters in cases like this... the list below is like the previous 202 Things, that is, I read someone else's 101 (or thereabouts) Things and respond in my own irreverent, but sincere, and most definitely narcissistic (hey, this diary is all about me, after all) way... the lucky victim, ummm, valued contributor this time is the dear, sweet, wonderful luvabeans (self confessed meme-whore)... I will most likely ramble on a bit more in this introductory note when I have a little more time later, but I didn';t want the whole day to go by without uploading this (since it's been waiting in my entry cue for a few days as it is) cuz I have more entries in the cue and, oh, I'll explain more later... for now, enjoy a few hours (or however long) of front row center with: 1. I�m the same height as my mom and my sister, but I seem a lot taller. I have no known biological family, but I am the same height as some people, taller than short people, and shorter than tall people... I don't quite know how I seem, height-wise, but I probably seem quite abnormal in many ways to most people... 2. I have really tiny ears. They didn�t drain properly when I was little, and I had frequent ear infections. I think my ears are about average size... I have tinnitus, probably due to sitting too close to loud speakers too often over the years at concerts and in clubs... inside my head, it's kind of like I never left that Yes concert sometimes (or is that a flashback), but mostly it's like the old movies and TV shows portray high pitched radio waves from space... so the background for the soundtrack of my life is Sci-Fi movie music... eeee... 3. As such, my hearing is not my pet sense. I still love music so I treasure what is left of my ear drums and those hair like things (cilia) that are supposed to vibrate at sound waves and translate the vibrations into auditory sounds in my brain... I know there are supposed rememdies out there, but I've not explored any yet... I kinda like my soundtrack... 4. My pet peeve, however, is open-mouthed chewing. It makes me implode. If you�re ever eating with me, and my head starts to twitch towards my right shoulder and I am rendered mute save for some guttural �ew, ew� noises, it�s because you�re chewing with your mouth open. Please stop. I like you, but I can�t take that sound. I just closed my mouth... I'm eating oatmeal and it was way too hot and was sucking in air to cool it when I read this particular #4 thing... it was a sucking sound, not a chewing sound, but still, I respect... and I don't usually chew with my mouth open... I think... 5. Mannequins wig me out. Mannequins... wig... lol... 6. I love the smell of lilacs. It seems almost unreal to me that it exists. my olfactory sense is my least educated of all my senses... my nose is downright ignorant, though very sensitive... it knows what it likes and can be too sensitive (my early awarness of germs came about because I smelled my own body changing smells all the time and other people too {being that I was around grown-up's butt-level height at the time} and inquiring minds wanted to know), but can identify relatively few scents other than food scents... 7. My favorite flower is the calla lily. I am relatively ignorant about the names of flowers too... I love flowers and gardens and gardened myself a lot when I had a house, but I'd just point at the picture of flowers at the seed and bulb store when I bought them... 8. I have the same birthday as Charles Manson. Shout-out to my Scorpio brother in maximum security! Woot! Anyone born on April 6th has the same birthday as me, though a lot people had it before me... some are even still alive... and other stuff must have happened on that day too, but I'm just not sure what... 9. I can wiggle my eyebrows independently of one another. To raise them at the same time, I have to concentrate on synchronizing them. I think I can do that too... I don't think about it much... I used to imitate Groucho Marx a lot and I also did facial exercises as a younger child and teen cuz I was going to be an actor (one of my childhood dreams) and knew I had to have very dextrose facial muscles... 10. I have an awful memory for factual details. is that a fact?... I have a good memory, it got me all through school with good grades without doing any homework... I can also BS well as I wrote many papers on subjects without doing research and the professors praised the results of the research that I didn't do... I'm pretty sure they thought I actually did the research, though a few might have known better and might have just given me a good grade for being such a good BSer... it was all about memory... ands BS... 11. I�m really good at remembering faces of even the briefest of acquaintances. Like that of the girl who sells hats at NOrdstroms who I saw on the subway recently, or the guy I saw walking his dog outside of the grocery store, who I again saw at a bar. I am much better at remembering faces than names, though I used to be much better at remember both before I went senile (well, it feels that way sometimes)... I usually have to ask someone's name a few times before it registers... I think it's mostly because I don't pay attention lately (last few years) cuz I'm wrapped up in my own little mental cocoon... 12. The first concert I attended was �Sha Na Na.� The first concert I attended was the Beach Boys... I think... it might have been Jay & the Americans... or The Four Seasons... I almost made it to Woodstock, but I couldn't get anyone to drive me... the last concert I attended was a festival lot of local and unknown artists on multiple stages at the the Assranch, a big piece of property owned by the other author of the LaLa letters that darkened this diary back in June... 13. If I were a �Friend,� I�d be Phoebe. I don't think I know the Friends friends well enough to know which I'd be... I could be any of them on any given day... maybe Monika a bit more, but then, a little of all and none of them really... I don't think I'd want to be any of them, unless, of course, I could also have their income... 14. If I were a �Golden Girl,� I�d be Rose. I know I don't know the Golden Girls well enough to choose... 15. If I were a Muppet, I�d probably be a weird Prairie Dawn/Janis hybrid. �Welcome, oh, welcome to our little play. Fer sure.� I might be the Cookie Monster... or Kermit... but there's probably a Muppet more like me and I don't know it... 16. I frequently experience d�j� vu. not so frequently for me, but profound when it comes... 17. I have a cat named Ziggy. He�s a drag queen. He�s staring at me right now. I had a dog named Happy, so named for her personality and smile... she was an attention whore when she got to know and trust someone, but very aloof until then... she reminds me of Toronto, and they put her to sleep there while I was banned from Canada, so memories of her are bittersweet... but the sweet, oh, so sweet... 18. I have ridiculously strong fingernails. mine have weakened over the years, but they used to be tools... 19. I�m rather ridiculously strong, myself. Elephant-style. Ganesha-style. I used to be a lot stronger than I am now... now I am not strong... I may be strong again someday... if I want to be... I'm rather ambivalent about it at the moment... that's probably another reason I am alone at the moment... 20. I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. Oh, no, wait � that was Humpty. I � um � once dressed up like a fairy and rolled on ecstasy with two of my best friends, and we cuddled for the next two days. (Shoot. I might be combining two separate experiences. And why, oh why, would anyone care about either of them? Oh, bah.) Sex and Drugs and Rock n Roll... you already know about my ears and the music... as for drugs, name it and I've tried it in my teens and early twenties... I've been clean and sober for a long time... maybe too long... as for sex, I've almost forgotten what it's like... sad, huh?... I do have a rather sordid history of masturbating in public though... I've never been caught, at least not by anyone who let me know they noticed... it started back in grade school... 21. Almost every time I go to a library or book store, I have to take a massive dump within 10 minutes of my arrival. wow, that is an interesting phenomenon... reading material as a laxative... or perhaps it's the thought of all the fiber in the pulp... you don't eat the paper, do you?... wait a minute, this is not supposed to be about you, this is supposed to be my using your 101 things to guide and inspire another 101 things about me... mutual narcissism at it's best, no less... 22. My first onstage role was as an orphan boy in �Oliver.� I had huge, satellite-dish, pouffy 80s bangs bursting out of my hat. It was very masculine. my first stage role was Perchik in Fiddler on the Roof because, the director at the camp said, I looked like a revolutionary... imagine, typcasting a kid like that... I never told him what a good judge of character he was... 23. I likes me some whiskey. bitter is my least favorite taste, always has been, so I never learned to actually enjoy the taste of alcohol except in sweet drinks... that did not keep me from marinating my liver for a few years though... 24. I can�t lie to save my life. When I was in fifth grade, my best friend concocted this horrible rumor about �Heather,� a really annoying girl in my class. Heather happened to ask me about it casually, and I broke down crying. I got so upset that Heather freaked out and ended up apologizing to me. great technique... I can lie way too well, but I dispise myself when I even consider it unless it is an ethical dilemma that that leaves me with a headache and then I just say nothing and let ignorance be the guide... I avoid situations like that and will not interact twice (or interact as little as possible) with someone who helps me into such a situation... honesty and integrity are more important than pleasing anyone... 25. That said, I don�t lie. I may lie to myself sometimes, but then, I wouldn't know... I do not knowingly lie... 26. However, I�m capable of pulling off a good poker face. me too... 27. I love those Haribo black and red raspberry candies. Yummy filling-loosening goodness. I much prefer melt-in-my-mouth candies over stick-to-the-tooth candies... maybe that's one reason I have had so few cavities... sure isn't cuz I don't have a sweet tooth though... 28. When I�m feeling stressed or out of place, I have dreams about my hair. I once dreamt that Ricky Martin gave me a really awful haircut, but I didn�t say anything because (a) I didn�t want to hurt his feelings, and (b) Ricky fucking Martin was cutting my hair. I was a little speechless. I will give my hair for sex with the right person... I think that thought came to mind because I've had my hair played with a lot in this life and see any hair play as an intimate and sensual experience... and with very thick wavy hair down to my lower back, I figure cutting it would be a fine expression of my love for someone... romantic too, if we leave out the cheap sex idea... 29. I prefer skirts to pants. I might to, if I tried wearing skirts... I like being naked and skirts are more naked than pants... as for looking-at, it depends on the person... and the legs... and the butt... and it can be said that I prefer skirts to pants if we use them as symbols for gender, but then, that's probably a different subject... 30. I often go commando. I�m going commando right now! KAPOW! I rarely go commando these days simply because I don't like doing laundry and don't have lots of pants, but I have lots of underwear... there was a time though, for many years, when I did not own underwear... and I didn't wear any either... 31. I frequently experience d�j� vu. I am experiencing it right now... 32. I really hate not having anything to do on a Friday night. somewhere along the way the nights of the week lost their distinction... probably because for most of this life I worked shift jobs in hospitals and days off were not always set... also because when I retired for a while I went out to clubs and every night of the week and the only different was that some nights the places were more crowded than others... 33. I have a new DVD player, and I can�t get the fucking thing to work. Otherwise, I�d be cozily watching a movie with Ziggy. You all have my mad lack of DVD-playa-connecting skillz for this inane list. I thank your mad lack of DVD-playa-connecting skils for this list... we just figured out how to copy DVDs with my roommate's computer (and the help of a couple of programs donated by someone at work) so much excitement fills casa de candoor... I listed the library DVDs we've got out at the moment in a previous entry... 34. I�m a Masshole. a new word... since I don't know what it means, I don't know if I am one... if it means does something inappropriate at mass?... or maybe it has something to do with the state of Massachussets?... large buttocks area?... maybe I should stop guessing... 35. I have a very big laugh. I have never measured mine... I love to laugh though, the song (name the film?) and the activity... 36. to 38 B, thanks. Not so big that bralessness is uncomfortable, but big enough that bralessness would be noticed. that's the size of underwear I buy now... middle age spread?... actually, I don't like to feel hugged toightly by clothing... give me air, lots of air... and space (the final frontier?)... as for bra-people (females), my preference is a handful... libido loves them small... especially when braless... of course you needed to know that... 37. Outside of the U.S., I�ve traveled to Canada, Mexico, England, Spain, Italy, Switzerland, Austria, Germany, Hungary, Slovakia, and Belgium. Canada (lived there for a couple of years) and Mexico (just visited briefly for the local greenery)... 38. I�ve been living in Chicago since 2002. It's such a great city. time to update this thing, luva... as for me, Orlando since 2000... it's been better... 39. I miss driving. so do I... what with gas prices now, I don't nearly drive as much as I used to... ten miles a day on most days... 40. I�ve been told by people who know me well, that I seem like �the kind of person who would elope.� I take it as a compliment, but find it funny since � I'm just that impulsive too... but knowing that I am, I learned very careful about getting involved and commitment... maybe too careful... 41. I�m almost perpetually single. never thought I'd be alone this far down the line... wondering what's been on my mind... was I worrying that it's wasted time... maybe too careful... 42. I used to know all 7 million verses of �America the Beautiful,� �This Land Is Your Land,� and �God Bless America.� I'd need the sheet music to two, but I used to know This Land is Your Land very well... I love folk music, but then, there's very little music I don't love... I used to know all of american Pie and Alice's Restaurant and every Harry Chapin, Beatles, and Moody Blues song and most of dozens of other bands/artists... I miss singing a lot... 43. See, in high school, I was in this cheesy traveling musical theatre troupe, and we used to perform 3-hour-long patriotic revues at my town common on Independence Day sounds like fun... I was home wherever I was (still am), but never actually belonged anywhere for more than a temporary run... 44. (I loved it.) I long for belonging sometimes... I loved high school... 45. I will always, always be able to name � nay, SING all 50 United States in alphabetical order. wow, geography of the US for $1000, Alex... 46. But I�d be hard pressed to label them all on a map. oh, never mind the Jeopardy question then... 47. I�m a huge klutz, and frequently break stuff. Accidentally, of course I seldom break anything... I'm usually rather well coordinate... graceful, even... it's a habit, I think, that started when I became conscious of this body (at about three years old) and how it moved and I realized I was the one moving it... now, like driving, it's second nature and takes little or no conscious thought... 48. I frequently experience d�j� vu. it's been going around a lot lately... 49. I have parents who are still married. They�re awesome. I missed out on the whole family experience in this life... adoption, divorce, disfunction, that's my experience of family relations... I may have overcompensated by becoming a hopelessly hopeful romantic who seeks the impossible dreams of sharing everything, every sort of relationship, with someone... 50. I have an older sister who�s a lawyer. She�s awesome. I once had three older (by 8, 15, and 20+ years respectively) step-brothers... one was an environmental guy, biochemical engineer who did Berkeley in the sixties... he started his own business creating one of the first commercial HTML programs... I think he's retired in Halifax now... another was a NYC high school teacher who did magic to keep the class awake and interested... he loved fishing... I think he's retired on a lake in Maine now... the third was a social worker... he bought a brownstone in Soho, NYC real cheap a while back... I never lived with them as they were older and gone when I was adopted into their family... they took me to baseball games occasionally... and a Broadway show... 51. I�m the family weirdo. I�m awesome. I would be, if I had any around... I'm awesome though, all by myself... 52. I�ve had a long-standing crush on Jesus, and I hooked up with James Dean. I'm a rebel with long hair... I used to have a beard... I used to ride a motorcycle... I don't wear leather though... 53. See, I played Mary Magdalene in a high school production of �Jesus Christ, Superstar,� and was just gaga over my leading man. (What a sweetie.) I played Jesus in my own production of JC Superstar... and I put on a one-man-show of the entire production on the beach near Carmel, CA for anyone who cared to watch... I did The Wizard of Oz there too... 54. Also, I attended a party where one of the guests was named James Dean. No shit. We made out. I've tried his sausage... oh wait, that was Jimmy... 55. Take #53 and #54, and you�ve got a shiny new #52! See? I love numbers... 56. I hardly think my mathematical alchemy should count as #55. Nor should this count as #56. such integrity... I like that, even as I laugh... 55. I think the only thing more depressing than not having anything to do on a Friday night is watching infomercials on a Friday night. Oh, and all those starving babies the world over. And the AIDS epidemic. I guess maybe those things are more depressing than spending my Friday night watching 60-minute ads for miraculous non-stick omelet pans. My best friend in the first half of high school wore #55 on the football team... he was the center... he went on the play for SUNY, Albany... they never won a national title, but he had much fun... the weight of the world is heavy... and humanity is very very depressing... I wish I was an alien... or in love... an alien in love would be fine... and a cheese omelete... 56. I�ve been told I look like Janis Joplin, Renee Zellweger, and Lilli Taylor, and that I remind people of Debra Jo Rupp (the mom from �That 70s Show�). None of those people are remotely similar. I am a black hole of celebrity resemblance! my most deepest girlfriend ever looked a lot like Mila Kunis... we were madly in love and lust for almost a year... she was voted cutest girl in our high school... it ended badly because her best friend wanted me too and I didn't know how to say no at the time and Mila was all for it cuz she wanted to share with her best friend... did I mention I loved high school?... though it was also the most traumatic experience to lose her... and I was voted half of the class couple the year before with somebody else... I've been told I look like Robert Downey Jr, Richard Gere, Al Pachino, Jesus, and some wrestler named Eddie, among others... 57. I�m starting to feel like my life is not complete without a miraculous non-stick omelet pan. cheese please, several varieties... 58. I really wish I could get my DVD player to work so I could stop watching infomercials. but what about our omelet?... 59. I�m not very wild, but I�m really open-minded. I agree... that is, I like this description and it fits me too, so I'll use it... not to cheat on this number, but because it is accurate and concise like these things all should be... not like the rambling free-association babbling I'm doing... 60. I�m an actress. I am an actor... I've not been paid for it, but all my life is a stage and I am a player... not the sex-machine kind, or the pimp kind, but the actor kind... though I might not always have the discipline to not ad-lib... 61. I once had a drawing hanging in the Wang Center in Boston. It was one of my least-favorite pieces of art I ever created. I once hung around the old Cow palace in San Francisco... I called the piece Loitering... I stood under a No Loitering sign... it was not a big hit... in fact, nobody noticed... 62. I despise hot weather. I love, thrive on heat... tropical heat... I could use a break from the humidity though... as for the cold, it's a fun place to visit but I would not want to live there anymore... 63. I love the autumn. I love the seasons, but still prefer the tropics... 64. I love the smell of seasons changing. and the sights and colors and sounds and different activities too... I do miss the seasons changing, but not enough to live in the cold... 65. I love my friends. if I believed in guilt, I would now feel guilty for not including this on my recently completed first-ever attempt at 101 things... but I love my friends don't believe in guilt, so it's all good... and 66. I should be more involved with my family. I have a dream... 67. I�m not naturally a phone-person, but I�ve learned to deal with that since moving away from my family, and since my friends have become more far-flung the world over. I spent 32 hours on the phone once... it was an international call... four figure bill... and worth every penny... I used to love the phone... we had a falling out though, the phone and I, and now I am rather unkind to it... it wasn't even it's fault, really, but I associate it with profound pain, betrayal, and horrible cruelty... so it's not exactly my favorite houshold item... 68. I dearly, dearly want to see a Tom Waits show. I have some Tom Waits on CD... I may have seen a show with him on the bill a while back, but I may not have been conscious all the way through... 69. I can�t sew. I�ve tried. To much of it depends on the ability to cut/attach things in straight lines. I used to sew, by hand and with a sewing machine, but it's not a favorite activity and most people probably could do a better job... 70. I appear hopelessly disorganized, but I get stuff done. my organization is stealth, so most people do not see it unless I want them to (like when I have to share a load at work)... 71. I think I�d make a fantastic mom, but I guess that�s not something one can know. I think I'd make a fantastic mom too... come to think of it, I think I'd make a great woman, but then, you're right... 72. I�m not an insomniac, but I go through periods of sleep-strike, wherein sleep is absolutely repugnant to me. ditto... though I can enjoy sleep, fall in love with it, even, but most of the time I think there'll be time enough to sleep after I die... 73. I�ve had a few stigmata-related dreams. I don't even have a stigmatism... 74. I know it�s not hip, but I really like people. I�d probably like you, too. I used to love people, everyone... I've become rather jaded and untrusting due to profound betrayals and a few cruel people, but I still wish to love people, everyone... don't know if that wish will come true again though... 75. I recently discovered that I HATE Dashboard Confessional. I realize this might make me a few enemies in this crowd, but so be it. Goddamn screechy nothing music. I still love most music and like almost all... 76. I was once told that if I were a dog, I�d be an English sheepdog. I had longer hair then. Yeah. same here... I had bangs then... I still have the longer hair though... 77. I�m a makeshift puppeteer. (Everybody should be.) yodelei-ee yodelei-ee yodelei-ee-o (now there's a puppet reference that might blow past many)... I agree... 78. My favorite book is �A Little Princess.� I�ve read it more times than I know. added to my list to read... 79. I have a full-length, pimp-ugly, purple snakeskin coat. You know it�s a ghettofabulous occasion when I break out that motherfucker. I used to have fun clothes, lots of them... many yards of wardrobe hanging in my closets... most of the most fun stuff was stolen along the way and I've not replaced anything... I'm not sure what's left in storage, but it's old... 80. I love wandering. I name all of my fantasy sports teams Wanderers as a tribute to my love of wandering... 81. I love biking. I loved the bike trips I'd go on as a teenager... they were organized by AYH (American Youth Hostels) and a group of eight to twelve of us would ride wherever the route was scheduled... Pennsylvania Dutch area one year... Michigan-Wisconsin another... though there was the time I lead five of us to Madison, Wisconsin, a bit off off route... we got sent home a few days early that summer... 82. I don�t read the paper nearly enough. I have no interest in reading the paper... except the sports stats and comics... 83. I have a very expressive face. I think I do too... and so I'm told... 84. I�m very empathetic. me too... too much so sometimes... sometimes all the time... 85. Maybe I�m not as nice to myself as I should be. nice is relative... I indulge myself too much, which might not be as nice as it feels at the moment of indulgence... I resist temptation too well, which isn't nice to me, but may be nice to others... 86. I miss the ocean. me too, and I'm just thirty or so minutes from it... 87. I can�t get used to the unrelenting flatness of the Midwest. Sometimes I feel like I live in a mall. Florida is very much the same... I used to stay for the hope of finding friends to run around the theme parks and beaches and so on... now I stay for the climate... 88. I am very forgiving. I used to be... I am not so sure I am anymore... sometimes... then again, I may still be... 89. I liberally distribute benefit of the doubt, experience be damned. too much so, I am told... 90. I�m rather na�ve. I wouldn�t change that. I used to be... 91. I hate malls. (But I don't hate the midwest.) I have a love-hate relationship with Malls... a higher income makes malls a lot more fun... 92. I have a strong affinity for songs incorporating someone's first name, or the word "angel" in the title or lyrics. I don't really know why. Johnny Angel comes to mind as it has profound meaning for me... I associate the word angel with someone who cares unconditionally and is not afraid to show their love... I wish there were more angels in this world... 93. I have a hard time accepting that my life is probably not going to be like a romantic comedy. there's always hope... at least I'm gonna keep hoping... even if it's just a short story... 94. I love sad songs. me too... I love the catharsis a sad song can put me through and I love the fact that I usually find rainbows through my tears... 95. My mom once told me she wished she could take some of the calluses from my sister�s heart and put them on mine. She worries a lot. I wish no heart had calluses... 96. If I could dance, I think I�d be a good choreographer. I never thought about choreography as something I might do, though I might say the same thing... I do visualize the movement in shows and films and usually find myself rearranging things in my mind... 97. I can�t dance. I probably can't dance either since what I do on a dance floor has nothing to do with following steps... I just flail a lot and enjoy the exercise... I'm not afraid of body contact and don't care who's watching, so I can do what might be called free-style dirty-dance, especially with the right partner... 98. That doesn�t stop me from dancing. I dance a lot less than I used to... 99. I love dive bars and hate dance clubs. there's a place for both... I used to hit dance clubs by myself for the exercise and dive bars when I was with someone and wanted to talk... but since I don't smoke and hardly ever drink, neither are favorite playgrounds any more... 100. Etcetera. this entry is not over... more will be added today and tomorrow (and then maybe a little more here and there on into perpetuity)... can it get more exciting than this?...
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