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©2006 Candor Communications


2011-02-16 - 4:29 a.m.

for lack of more, this


a moment of time for tapping keys and sharing words, only for a moment then the moment’s gone, but no fret, no worries, no sadness for in that very moment that the moment’s gone, another moment is born with all the excitement and wonder and meaning we can give it in our sharing, so it is you and i and each one of us, together, that decide what is real and meaningful and worthwhile in our lives, in each moment… and even in the silent moments between these few moments of sharing words, we can continue to believe in the caring we share and if we want to, we can reach out in other ways… whatever we decide to do, here, for lack of more, is this moment…

an entry at the incumbent writing place that followed this in what was once RealTime™ (or so it was proposed), built on an entry at the current writing place that followed that one and finally may have achieve the moments of brevity required to be a readable (whatever that means) blog (diary, journal, kit, whatever) brings me back here cuz it reached for the babbling that was once the earmark (why ear?... i mean, why not eye?... we do see marks more than hear them, after all… but anyway) of this babbling place, this point of refuge, this epic escape from the dull or dangerous demons and daggers and dreariness that is so often alliterated so benignly in daily life… i miss this place, the free-form ramblings, and you dear readers who used to stop by to peek into my parenthetic literary asides that offered glimpses of my madness or genius or nonsense, depending on point of view…

surely the babble has shortened in length, in number of words, in frequency of exposition, and even in rumination over the years, which is contrary to the concept of becoming long in tooth, if only in abject adjectives, but the seriousness of my longing to connect and the sincerity of wanting to care continues to grow in spite of the think layered goo of apathetic ambivalence (or ambivalent apathy) that seems to have replaced the serious irreverence (or irreverent seriousness) that was once the distinguishing evidence (earmark?) that presented the writer behind the candoor as something uniquely individualized in this homogenous literary landscape (and species, for that matter, but today is not a day for a rant against conformity, i think)… even as the surface appearance may present much time passing without words, the silence is not to be discarded as meaninglessness nor understood as carelessness for there is profound meaning in silence as in anything cared for (or even in things and concepts and entities not cared for, as i experience so profoundly from time to time when i am awake)…

the roommate’s puppy, who is about eighty four in dog years, is whining and begging for attention, his behavior when awake as he is the most insatiable attention sponge i’ve ever encouraged outside of myself, which may be more a reflection on both his owner and myself than on the beagle-corgi mix breed animal he is (which is besides the point that is interrupting the babble at the moment), so i shall step out for a brief walk and return to wherever it was i was coming from or going when i return, again, whatever may come…

and a bit of air, a bit of dog poop, a bit of exercise, and a bit food later i return from whence i was (as i didn’t come) and continue along this merry path to wherever i may be going (as i am not headed) with the beautiful day around me as the porch door is open and the nakedness that brought me into this world enjoying the fresh air as the healing of the body continues as i was stricken by a few bugs of bacterial and possibly viral and yeastal in kind (though none of them were, kind, that is, and this is not meant as a reference to this fine fungus at fubar, whatever that is, who is mentioned here simply because a search for whether the word yeastal, intended to mean of yeast origin was actually a word and not that i know the person behind the moniker though i find it amusing and use the term fungus with endearment whether he knows or care at all and who knows, perhaps this link here will bring him his soulmate or some other beneficial experience in this life cuz, well, that’s how links work, right?) and the antibiotics and creams and medicines the doctor gave me yesterday (maybe it’s yeastly?... and yes, i visited a doctor yesterday for the first time in three or four years and might actually do the whole check up think cuz the guy seems decent and straight forward {though may not be straight} and remarked of my still rather long hair that he was of my generation and will work with me in spite of my telling him i am an uncooperative patient and refuse medications quite often, but all this is besides the point, if there ever was one {and we know there was, snicker snicker, not to allude to candy, though i may be for some in some ways some times some where there’s a place for us}… ahem)...

did i hear a what?...

yes, well anyway, the following (who’s following?... wait, i noticed two followers upon coming here and i remarked to myself, ”two!... why my followship increased 100% since last i arrived to this online location, i think, so yay for 100% and followers, i hope i do not scare you away too quickly as i smirk with hopeful glee) what came from some where, but i don’t know precisely want to know why at the moment… if i had time i’d explore fubar or even yelp, as there are so many thousands of connecting points on the web and i don’t have time to check my email regularly these days and facebook, when there’s time, is not as wide open for connections as it once was… alas, so many dreams (of finding the one and love and romance and creative play and fun and serious contemplation and most of all, a best friend {did i mention the one is the bestest best friend lately?} and so many potential places to look and so little time, that’s the alas part, the little time)… hey, what would behind the candoor be without at least a couple of broken records, aye?...

back to the following except from RealTime™ which includes the except from (e)thereal which is the brevity blog that almost achieves the daily life diary thing i had tried to do so many times in so many ways in so many lifetimes in so many eons across so many universes (with and without beatles music, mac n cheese, incense, sweetened massages, innocent porn, and other deliciousnesses of the physical plane) came about this week as i engaged in rest, an activity i rarely participate in these last few years as the corporate rat race consumes time and energy like nothing else in this life except maybe death (and only maybe), due to time out for physical illness (my megalomaniac boss doesn’t believe in time off for anything, hence the visit to the doctor for the note, i mean, something had to get me in for a checkup so the insecure control freak is actually helping me without meaning to, i mean, how many hospital directors have a rude demand for a doctor’s note from their ceo for taking more than one sick day?... i stay because it’s comfortable in so many ways and the market sucks as bad as ever these days and i love most of the work i actually do, which actually leads right into the start of the excerpt from the entry i am presenting here as well as any introductory note might have so wow for the coincidence as if there are any)…

ado, not withstanding…

you can’t always get what you want…

if you believe in can't, perhaps,
but that's beside the point...

”a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water… the bartender reaches under the bar for a shotgun and fires a shot that barely misses the man… the man says thank you, puts a tip on the bar, and leaves…

why did the man say thank you?...

you can’t always get what you want…
you can’t always get what you want…
you can’t always get what you want…
but if you try sometimes…

so long, not to say farewell, but to mark the time as the last time i babbled a bit here was so long ago, relatively speaking (yeah, writing), and sometimes it could be a blast from the past (as facebook has provided in recent times) and sometimes it’s something more obscure or indirect, like a story unrelated to anything personal and yet, connects with some emotion down deep enough to shiver me timbers and send those unmistakable shivers up and down the spine (such as an ncis episode, a show that built a remarkable character base that reflects the closeness and distance of relationships that are intimate on some levels and not intimate on other levels, in other words, people who share love for each other on levels deeper than friends and yet, do not become lovers, something like . . . family, i suppose… anyway, that’s the primary drawn of ncis for me, in case you wondered) and then there’s the babble that just seems to go on and on and on with little or no reason or more or less and in some way becomes an allegory for some profound metaphor of personal history or experience or fantasy or intensity beyond the reach of mortal man (or something like that)…

and even as i (here comes another blatant plug, without any more warning than this, actually) continue to update daily life, daily, even, and it may even seem as if i am happily rolling along in the newly found brevity of that and still more blogs than there are sticks to shake at (under the blog brevity act of 2008, no doubt, the blog region of the written gardens expanded to become bigger than the diary and journal regions combined and almost as big as the original written gardens so brutally deleted from the web by att in the callous corporate cut-off of 2010 – no really, it was quite dramatic, traumatic, and automatic and what’s worse, earlier than warned it would happen so i did not have time to download the almost 40Mb of writing {do you have any idea of how many words are in 40Mb of simple html pages?} and therefore, the att corporate bastards join the league of assholes at disney and abc and lycos and other american businessmen who build-in obsolescence into every product and to hell with the consumers, the American people, and the American way that used to be the work ethic and pride in labor and product that now moves many other countries ahead of the u.s. in so many ways, quality, reliability, efficiency, marketability, education, human services, equality, security, and are we having fun yet?)…

or something like what?...

believe it or not we are not (so not, actually) walking on air and in so many ways not free… but one thing, free to fall asleep right now, right here, in RealTime™ can I and will, I, yes… to be continued tomorrow… i hope…

it is tomorrow (well, not directly the day after the day the previous words were written, but the day after the day before, which does make it a tomorrow even if it was not the precise tomorrow hoped for in the previous thought and yet, what is time and is not every day after the day before (or this moment, even) tomorrow in the broader sense of future as opposed to a specific day?…

again, we widen our eyes (so soon?) and what?...

but (or not to but, that is not the question for the moment as we are about to delve into deeper waters and proposed that the ultimate question may simply be, wait, let’s step out of this parentheses first) are you in touch (which was recorded moments ago, according to the blogspot blog records, the one thousand seven hundred sixty ninth {yes, 1769} post in the (e)thereal blog {which finally achieved the brevity sought for all these long years in so many other writing utensils}, though there is a discrepancy in the counter {so much for the precision of google analytics} as the total blog posts count is 1776 and yet there are 8 unpublished {scheduled} blog posts so first grade math tells us that 8 plus 1769 equals 1777, yet the counter says 1776 total posts at (e)thereal blog, i mean, if you are counting or even aware (e)thereal exists, for that matter, that is) and even more poignantly, do you wanna be (really?... i think the question, that is the ultimate question mentioned before the parenthetic asides stepped in, was are you in touch, i mean, in case you were starting to get lost there for a sec) as the momentarily current (e)thereal blog entry sort of asks (and tells, even), and if you don’t believe it, well, here it is extrapolated and expounded upon as is usually the case in these matters (and if you know what matters of which we refer, we are applauding you even as you scratch your head, metaphorically, of course)…

are you in touch?

keeping, that is, as in keeping in touch (kit™ ©1960, 1966, 1973, 1987, 2001 and KIT™ ©1960, 1966, 1973, 1987, 2001 and soon to be 2012 or 13, at least and too as well, also, even, i mean, just in case you missed it in the original online version or, as every human being on the planet except maybe one or a few who may not have even noticed or been paying attention did not see or become aware of until now or whenever this may be read, the original hand written original manuscript {epic manifesto, no doubt} was almost hermetically sealed in a time-capsule {box} and stored in storage {the location has been moved a few times for love, but the boxes remain intact} except for those scattered pages that were partially stolen or destroyed in various thefts and natural {or unnatural, depending on perspective} over the years, just for the record and interest {as opposed to residuals} or concern {caring?} if you have any)…

in any case (what?... you expect explanations in (e)thereal™ ha ha ha, i laugh at your moxey and refer to you the babbler™ {The Babbler™ ©1973, 1999} as i continue the brevity™ finally initiated with general {and hopefully recognizable} purpose {as opposed to the funda™ ©2004 or so, which was barely noticed [though perhaps more than this, ironically] or understood} cuz you can’t always get what you want, ya know?... i mean, even you try all the time, cha cha cha), i am, since you asked (your reading this far is implicit curiosity whether you acknowledge it or not, so there, na na na na na) exhausted but less pain though that may be the tylenol masking symptoms but i am hopeful and happier than yesterday in spite of the challenges so odds are i am going to make it through the week and though odds do not mean absolute certainty the hopefulness and happiness help perspective stay positive which theoretically raises the odds if you believe in such things…

and how are you? :)

right, so whatever that means, you may note that i actually ask how are you? and just so you know, in case you lose touch skimming through all this babble (or even if you read every word three times, at least, and still are not sure you follow every long and short winding road that leads me to your door), i do actually truly really want to know how are you? as in how you are right now? and how is life going for you? and what matters to you? yes, at this moment and this week/month and in life?… contrary to what you might consider your intelligence and common sense, i do not waste words and do not write what i do not mean to write (even when i am scatting through babble at break-neck speeds and playing with words haphazardly without a thought about anything other than the creative process {and not even that at times for that is the essence and potential art of free-association and babble™ ya know, or maybe not, know, that is} for even in pure imaginary word-play i am seeking to convey some point and each word is a conveyor of that point, successful or not {more often not, perhaps}, so believe it or not, i do) so i do want to know (accepting we can‘t always get what we want, of course, the point is, ultimate or not, we can continue asking {cuz if we try sometimes, now you get it?... wait, still thinking about the man who walked into the bar?)…

so… how ya doin? :)





oh, and the man had the hiccups…





:)



so maybe not the most epic of babble (and then, perhaps posterity will be kind), but this is the offering brought to you this week by my own peculiar and particular brand of mental illness (oh, and your mind is perfect? and will never die?... well, there’s always hope on the never die concept, nyuk nyuk, narf) and two days of fasting due to physical illness followed by yummy comfort food in the form of mac n cheese and seafood-cheese dip and some fat free turkey for the sake of protein variation and water, semi-healthy (we hope) and the start of a new cycle of health-conscious choices in diet and lifestyle and all that good physical world stuff cuz i am still not quite ready to die contrary to any negativity anyone might be reading into the prolonged silences and while my depressive depths never cease to amaze me with their numbing wonder and deadliness, the core being floating somewhere within sometimes referred to as childinside (for those who might recall) still live and breathes and giggles at most everything (and it’s not just gas, so there) and knows everything is alright and you really do get what you need if you are just wise enough to choose what you need from amongst that which you do get (did i just give away the secret to life, love, the pursuit of happiness, not to mention nirvana and all those noble quests so many, including singing impossible dreamers, have been on since the dawn of thought?... shhhhh, we’ll never tell, but we’ll giggle and smirk and narf a lot)…

take care of you, my dear readers, and remember that no matter what, you can find me out here somewhere tapping keys and even, occasionally, checking emails or answering the phone (shocking, i know, still craig ferguson and mila kunis have not called, but have you?... ah, so busy are we all… or shy?) and if we happen upon each other in the physical world i do so much hope you will let me know you read this far into this entry and maybe the words here (and other places?... the writing madness holds arms wide open for such attention, still, even after all this silence, aye?) meant something worthwhile to you…

cuz that’s what it’s all about, sharing a bit of meaning along the way :)



and the moment’s gone…







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