LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

Candoor: Blogmad? It's better than ever! Get more visitors (or find me in chat there). Register now and tell me for extra credits. VARB?


JOIN OR RE-REGISTER NOW

welcome blogmadians... and the rest of you, while still in beta, you can still join the latest greatest party on the web, blogmad!

SUPPORT BLOGMAD! BUY STUFF



o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2007-01-13 - 11:42 p.m.

once again, with gusto: why I am here


ah, you mean wide awake at 4 AM?... sure, ever irreverently serious (in real time, no less), but even if nobody is reading today (I inadvertently may have pushed you away), that doesn't mean that I have any less to say, so I'll go on babbling here anyway hoping you will return someday, hoping you'll find the time someday, hoping we'll reconnect and the connections will grow someday...

until the babbling returns, you can still read
the mundane details of daily life?
if you really wanna
J

so far, in more than a decade of wandering and searching online (and offline), I still haven't found what I am looking for... the one true love life partner... the collaborator musician who wants to play with my words and offer up some melodies (or expand on melodies already in my head)... the editor who wants to read through many millions (perhaps billions) of words and select a few hundred thousand worth repeating in a printed form... the athletic activity partner who wants to share the physical play and workouts required to maintain optimal physical fitness... the best friend, who could be any or none of the above, wants to take the time to truly know me and share life experiences... a roommate, who could be any of the above too, who shares a similar perspective on living space and wants to share space and food and stuff to cut down on life's expenses while creating a comfortable living space that welcomes new social life... the sensual sexual partner who, in the absence of a true love life partner, wants to share bodily comforts and the pleasures of the flesh... friends who share similar interests and want to share them with me...

I forget why I came online sometimes... it was for many reasons, but so much more than merely to satisfy ego by sharing words on a public stage (and hoping for applause)... at first I started an online journal to keep in touch with people who lived far away (people who have long since abandoned keeping in touch with me, though perhaps they are still out there reading in silence... what fools we mortals be, aye?... may you be well and aware, someday)... and then it because a hope that someone might care and find me and come into my life and renew my faith in humanity and fulfill any or all of the empty spaces in this life I ironically call mine... and as a medium, as I leave pen and paper behind more and more with each passing year, it's become a place to store the words that make up my written garden... and a way to share the joy I find in sharing words, ideas, perspectives, and creativity with others...

all in all, I've found but a tiniest of fraction of what I hoped to find online... but then, I've found little more offline... have I not been open to what I seek?... I believe I have turned some away, but I also believe I am open to what I seek... I think it is just that I seek things very rare in this world these days... in every interaction and in every specific person I describe above, I seek honesty... complete, open honesty... and I seek honest unconditional love and trust, though I would be willing to compromise on less than unconditional for some of the more businesslike or more superficial activity partners I mention above... I seek conscious awareness, enlightenment, and a completely open mind... and a heart that actualizes caring and honest love (if not unconditional)... I seek a security in self, a positive yet realistic perspective, an ability to dream, an insatiable creative thirst, and a way higher than the average energy level...

so far I find people giving up, growing older by the minute, and doubting themselves and everything way too much to share a perspective that balances with mine... so I write seemingly endless rambles to no one and everyone in the hope that someone who can fill one or any or all of the roles I described above might come along and take up the challenge with me... and I hope to be increasing my chances by expending my writing spaces whenever I can... I am writing more regularly in the myspace blog because myspace is perhaps the largest community on the web and while I know that raises the probability of finding misunderstanding and potential abuse, I still feel my best chance of finding what I am looking for is to let as many people on the planet (or off, for that matter) know who I am and what I want... so I have many spaces...

and I continue the daily writing in the RealTime blog (even though life can be very dull and repetitive sometimes) in the hope that someone cares enough to want to share the routine of daily life with me and they might as well know what they are getting themselves into (though, as I demonstrate too well with Rasputin and Precious, I easily adapt to the habits and lifestyle and routines of those I life with)... and on the right of the RealTime blog there are more branches off the tree of madness which is my off the cuff title for the list of writing spaces listed there...

so, while the writing is babbling and the babbling is free form and without preconceived plan, there is an intention behind most of what I write (even when I forget that) and I am happy I reminded myself today... hopefully I reminded you as well... and on that note I shall close this entry with the rhyme I just wrote moments before starting this entry (or some time tonight, at least)... it's called curiosity and whether you take it as a challenge, a judgment, a tease, an affront, or just a curiosity (which is almost all it is) will tell us much about your perspective and attitude... but now that I told you, well, either you know or you don't, so nevermind...

I do so love doing that J

meanwhile...

do you reject love?
do you ever reject love?
do you ever presume someone means you harm
or find reason to push someone away?

do you fear love?
do you ever fear love?
do you ever assume someone offering love
has ulterior motives they don't say?

how much of you is fear?
how much of you is love?
and which part of you decides
what you say or do?

at first there is fear of the unknown
when you are a virgin to love
and then there is fear of the pain
when you learn love can be lost
and then you may build a great wall
condemning your heart to isolation
or maybe you have learned to love
in spite of anything, at any cost

so I ask
do you reject love?
do you ever reject love?
do you ever see love as something to push away
without even knowing who is opening their heart
or what they are offering?

and I ask
do you fear love?
do you ever fear love?
do you ever see love as something evil or wrong
giving it no chance to be before it can start
pray tell, what are you thinking?

do you think about what others might think about you
before you decide what you think or how you feel?
do you base your decisions and everything you do
on some imaginary image of yourself that you want to make real
in other people's eyes
would it come as a surprise
if you learned that they are doing the same thing
and they really don't think about you
except to worry over what you think of them
does all this really come as something new
or did you have a clue?

at first there is massive ignorance
when you are a virgin to life
and then there is fear of knowing
when you learn the rules don't make sense
and then you may build a great wall
condemning your heart to hypocrisy
or maybe you have learned to live
in spite of anything, at any expense

so I ask
do you reject life?
do you ever reject life?
do you ever presume life means you harm
or find reason to push living away?

and I ask
do you fear life?
do you ever fear life?
do you ever assume life is beyond your grasp
like a game you just were not meant to play?

how much of you is fear?
how much of you is love?
and which part of you decides
what you say or do?

at first there is fear of the unknown
when you are a virgin to life
and then there is fear of the pain
when you learn life can be lost
and then you may build a great wall
condemning your self to suicide
or maybe you have learned to live
in spite of anything, at any cost

so I ask...









. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
RSS?



who links here
blogwise
Blogarama
Globe of Blogs
blogthings

~ BLOGLINKERS ~




~ BLOGROLLING ~
(Blogroll RSS)


Blogroll Me!

published
blogadvance
blogazoo
blogexplosion
blogmad?
bloglines



(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
BLOGGIES?
sorry everybody
Orange Blossom Music Festival

Deland Music Festival
MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
talking dog






SAY HELLO
407-325-1482





and if you want to leave
take good care
hope you make a lot
of true friends out there