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2003-12-22 - 8:10 p.m. when now became later just so you know, there was more to the last entry but it hasn't fallen out of my head yet... that's the trouble with being in several places at once (or is that being several people at once?), keeping track of myself becomes a full time job... too bad I can only pay peanuts or I might actually have an opening for you... a full time therapist?...
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so goes the best laid plans of mice and men and diarists too... that bit above the sands-hourglass bit was supposed to be uploaded before I left for lunch because I know you all must be waiting with baited breaths to know what I did with my impromptu day off and you just couldn't wait until this evening, but apparently you could because you did because I somehow did not click the done! button when I thought I did just before leaving for lunch... so now becomes later and earlier becomes now too, if you follow... I am polishing off the last of the chocolate dipped coconut macaroon cookies at the moment, doing my best not to get any on the keyboard because a laptop keyboard is no place for coconut macaroon crumbs... lunch was, as I suspect, at the steak place... I decided, since this body was experiencing a high demand for protein what with my sudden daily workouts that include muscle tearing weight machine tortures, to order a steak... porterhouse, they called it... looked a lot like a T-bone... it was supposed to weigh more than Sally's but his looked bigger... thinker... more juicy... the steak is always bigger, thinker, and juicier on the other plate... his potato was bigger too... but this wasn't a pissing contest, after all, and I'm not the biggest fan of meat anyway, so I cut and chewed and remembered why I almost never order steak... I think I need to read Diet For A Small Planet again... wouldn't you know, after eating my first steak in at least months, maybe years (they are just so not memorable for me), I found an email asking me about the Chapin family (perhaps coming to me from one of my Chapin pages) and it reminded me that I have not updated my Chapin links in a couple of years and the webmaster of the official Chapin website pointed out that the official site isn't listed on my links page, so I spent several hours (at least) checking the page and links and searching the web so I can now say my Chapin Pages page is up to date and every link works... the point of all these Chapin mentions is that Harry taught me more than any single human being about how to live the ideals I knew to be mine... and it's not that I've forgotten, I've just learnewd how to avoid as well as any human... I've got the disease (sing it Rob Thomas)... and as much as I seem to be making levity with asides and playful references (as if at any moment now I will break into a song and dance number to rival the Monster and Doctor in Young Frankenstein, or Shteen, for that matter), the seriousness is starting to ooze out from under the rub under which it was swept under... decidedly blue fuzz accompanies the ooze, which is a bit on the purple side itself... and while the last thing in the world I wanted to do was feel that the world betrayed me by not coming to my rescue in my hour of need (or was that humanity ignoring my honest open innocent heart?), I am doing it all by myself alone once again... climbing the mountain out of the rut and rebuilding the body to it's optimal specifications... not for appearances or any else's pleasure, but because it is the right thing to do, it is self-love, and my great experiment (becoming human in order to find a human soulmate) failed... anyone who wants me after I return to my optimal state will be suspected of being superficial and shallow and unable to see the real me... so they better be great in bed... just when you wonder if I am serious, huh?... well I'll never tell...
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