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�2006 Candor Communications


2006-01-23 - 10:49 p.m.

illusions


"Music is an art that expresses the inexpressible. It rises far above what words can mean or the intelligence define. Its domain is the imponderable and impalpable land of the unconscious."

~ Charles Munch

but I don't think this entry will be too much about music (and therein lies the rub, for another time to ponder as here and now, the flow smiles upon the body of the mind of the candoor and sets us off to play amongst the fishes and the stars)...

it's one of those nights where I feel free of judgments, where I am in uber-agnostic mode, that is not in the religious sense of the word, but in the overall sense of the wonder of a child who looks at everything without knowing anything... I am usually relatively aware that even those things I believe I know as facts, those things I feel most certain about, like my love of love or my loyalty to honesty or my desire to share life completely, are ultimately just the illusions into which I invest more of my sense of self...

these things are real to me because I choose to make them real, I choose to believe in them and strive to actualize them in the physical reality...

it's one of those nights where I feel free of any fear or doubt about anything, where I am secure in accepting that everything is illusionary, that everything is a construct within my mind... not in a egocentric sense, but in the overall sense that I experience my senses and make the best guess as to what is going on around me based on what my senses tell me and I choose the perspective that gives me the belief in what is real to me, in who I am and what I do and how things are...

there is only me inside my head and the best I can do is open myself to the infinite possibilities and believe in what I feel is real and right and meaningful...

and it seems to me (I choose to believe) that each of us do this, whether we accept the conscious awareness of the process or whether we have no idea what's going on in our heads or around us and therein breeds the fear and doubt and insecurity and drama as people feel they must know the truth or else they'll drown in some unknown sea of not being sure of anything and to that end, they take stands and fight to prove their version of the truth, of the way things are and the way things ought to be, is the one and only right and true way... if only every one would step back and realize what we are doing, I think there'd be a whole lot less mindless cruelty in this world...

so am I proposing that this is the root of all problems?... apparently... fear meets boredom and the closed mind demands reassurance and the insecure ego demands to be right and the body demands answers because not knowing is being stupid and being wrong is being bad and all that's embarrassing... not knowing is being weak and weakness is death, for only the strong survive...

could it be so rooted in the instinctive survival instincts that we act cruelly and fight and even kill in order to hang on to illusions of knowing and being right that we do no realize we've gotten it confused?...

at this moment, that is the mental construct I see as I look at humanity...

humans seem to be afraid to see that there are some questions in this physical world without concrete answers, at least not yet, and the best, healthiest, and strongest thing that can be done is accept that and remain open to the possibilities without assuming knowldge and knowing beyond any doubt things constructed in the mind and believes purely on faith, on abstract illusions...

or worse, because somebody else told them what is right...

from my mind where I construct my own illusions, I see people closing their minds to possibilities because they were told to and they are afraid to consider that what they were told might not be the whole story, the big picture, or maybe even wrong...

at the very least, it is just one point of view, one perspective, one mental constuct attempting to explain the abstract...

it's one of those nights when I am as sure as I can be that everything I know could be wrong... that everything I think is skewed to my individual perspective... and the fact that I am perfectly content with my perspective might simply be further proof that it is an egocentric construct focused primarily on pleasing me and therein closing my mind to any possibilities that might not fit into this pleasing mental construct...

like maybe selfishness and greed is the real answer to survival as an individual and as a species... like maybe universal love and sharing everything is even more of an illusion than any gods or idols or more detailed belief systems... like maybe one of the belief systems is actually the only right way to believe, the only way to peace and happiness...

I suppose that might mean that inner my peace and happiness and perfect contentment with my perspective is illusionary and I am in denial of deeper self-hate or confusion or dissatisfaction, but I don't feel that...

of course that would be the nature of denial if I was in denial, wouldn't it?...

. o O ( laughter and pause ) O o .

and home again home again rooty toot toot, I am back after a nap and food and not enough sleep, but some impulsive adrenalize-charged energy because I let Precious interrupt my sleepiness to tell me about Districts, which is the single word that refers to the High School Thespian Society District Competition (or something like that)... so she's dug into my show music and found Sweet Charity because her school is doing a couple of songs from it... she's doing running crew for a one act play (Johnny Belinda)...

and then for class she is doing a scene from California Suite, which she did for me (all four parts), which is why this entry is not as continued as it might have been had I been awake and focused on writing tonight (so we shall see if the theme continues or if the rest of this entry is and now for something completely different than all that came before... so anyway, I've got a few minutes before I must run out to work so to continue where we left off...

of course that would be the nature of denial if I was in denial, wouldn't it?...

typical duality (and somebody might wave back, after all), but who is really in touch with themselves and the universe (as if they could be two separate entities) on the most basic level?...

now isn't that a quantum entanglement...

well, maybe not, but I like the phrase and shall consider using it more often as the new catch phrase for behind the candoor... quantum entanglement...... quantum entanglement... a tangle of quantums... quantum entanglement... yes, that'll do...

which lead me to ponder these ideas that boggle the quantum mind and effect our health, see? (oh what a tangled quantum entanglement we weave... note: that link is a PDF file)...

dontcha just love these imponderables?

like just how are we related to the krill?... perhaps these and other philosophical questions (like will Jenny ever get rid of her rats?) will be pondered by Calvin and Hobbes someday, but for now I'll return to wherever it was I left off before becoming innundated by a sudden and massive attack of linkage...

yeah, so anyway, where did I leave my head?...

ah yes, just in case I really hate something and don't know it, but eventually might find out I do, especially in terms of being out here on the web where the world is defined by the pixils on the screen, I keep net disaster around because if I discover my inner hate for a website, I really want to be able to express it with the most effective tools around (talk about quantum entanglements)...

huh?

and if you had any doubt about my egocentricities, I actually thought she was talking about me when I first read this, well, except that my name isn't Joe Biden, but otherwise it could have been about me, I mean, if she read me, right?... well here, you read it and see for yourself cuz that is the way it works after all (remember the first half of this entry?... are we getting to know each other's illusions yet?)...

The great thing about Joe Biden during the Alito hearings, the reason he is, to me, actually endearing, is that as he speaks, as he goes on and on and spins his long statements, hypotheticals, and free associations--as he demonstrates yet again, as he did in the Roberts hearings and even the Thomas hearings, that he is incapable of staying on the river of a thought, and is constantly lured down tributaries from which he can never quite work his way back--you can see him batting the little paddles of his mind against the weeds, trying desperately to return to the river but not remembering where it is, or where it was going. ~ Peggy Noonan

I think I'm in love again...

I mean, that was one sentence, right?...

and then, in an unrelated news story swipped from respectthebox (where we find a delightful mix of insight, humor, and pictures of scantily clad celebrities) simply for the amusement value, I too was amazed at the mind of yet another Kennedy...

in a nutshell, Senator Edward Kennedy named his dog Splash...

now it takes a bit of history to understand why that is so morbidly hysterical, you see, the reason Teddy K never get past Senator (in a time when the name Kennedy meant an instant pass to the White House if there wasn't an assasination first) is that he made a splash into a certain body of water that fortunately for him involved him getting out of the car and to the surface, but the night ended poorly for his young passenger who did not quite surviving the splash...

it was in all the papers...

seriously though, I am not sure if it's arrogance or ignorance, but it sure is one of those things that make you go hmmmmm...

meanwhile, back for some more imponderables...



this was not where this entry was supposed to end, but I have run out of time for tonight... so it is not the end, but for this moment this illusion of our the journey together continues elsewhere until I can return to you in words...

my illusion at this moment is that you've shared an illusion that you've enjoyed tonight's illusions in your illusion that you were reading these words about my illusion...

'til tomorrow...


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