people constantly ask me what I see in z0tl... well, ok, so it doesn�t happen much these days... I mean, there were times when, in fits of delusional paranoia, I imagined that he might be any number of strange people leaving random and frequent and sometimes what some would call confrontative, provocative, even rude comments... just he has an abrasive, brutal, caustic (as easy as abc�s, ya know?) sense of humor and cynicism that could slice the innocence off a baby�s bottom...

there was a time, not too long ago, that thousands of entries were archived at z0tl�s diaryland... there was a time he (and others) lived there... there was a time he (and others) died there)... it was that dramatic... I mean, it was that dramatic... more dramatic than cake...

really good cake, even...

crowds come banging on my door wanting to know, nay, pleading to be told why I drag z0tl kicking and screaming through the irreverence, but they can only dream of knowing the truth behind the arrangement, nay, relationship forged between the Z and me for it is beyond truth, it is beyond love-hate, it is pure dust in the wind and as anyone who has ever studied Kansas knows, there are a million theories as to the meaning but the moment of creation and the meaning wherein was blown away, along with the answer, a long long time ago (so we might as well ask Frank what he meant by Oz)...

we do not represent the lollipop guild or the lullaby league or any group or cult or sect or tea party on the ceiling, for that matter... though at least one of us does love to laugh, but that�s only part of the point and distracts from the other part of the point that I was almost making a little while ago...

I write this on a week night as if I have all night to write, but just this moment the brakes skidded us to the side as American Idol dreams on TV reveal that time is running out on a decent night�s sleep and somehow, contrary to all you might have known or heard or even listened to about my friend z0tl (or me, for that matter), rational thought does exist for brief moments... like this one, for instance...

excuse me, I just sang, inspired by the song, of all things, you were always on my mind...

a moment to qvell...

well, I said for a moment...

rational thought is really such a fleeting thing, you know?... well, z0tl knows... and when I feel like getting lost in a heart-wrenching few bars of you belong to me sung on national television to a lover who died two days before, all the glitz and glitter and commercial crap in the world can melt away and leave nothingness...

the irony being that some of us see emptiness in the nothingness, some of us see beauty in the nothingness, and some of us see nothing in the nothingness... or course there are many who see many other things, from blinding light to angels to devils to brass bands to a deck of virgins... nobody asks just who�s daughters are they?... now do they?... but that�s besides the point... for the rational mind, a deck of virgins could be considered a ring of hell, after all...

of course you knew I would digress, after all, look at the title for cutething�s sake... but I declare, swear even, by all the gods of diaryland and all that is holy in the blogiverse, this is not the epitome of the final episode of the z0tl entries, but it is time to consider some movement in the offline world (and I do not mean bowel) because I have way too much pizza in me and that means way too much energy in me and that means I�ll not sleep tonight unless I kick this body into a movement of sorts, so I shall conclude this ode to my friend z0tl by demonstrating his effect on my comments by presenting a prime example:

I stopped in to see if anything has changed here and to say hello to my favorite disappearing friend...

hello favorite disappearing friend...

and yes, Eric, there was this ugly rumor going around for a while that z0tl and I were the same person, but I never believed it... well, at least not after he visited...

then there was this even uglier rumour (hence the different spelling) going around that z0tl and Quasar9 were the same person... I think I started it in my own head to convince myself that I wasn't z0tl after he visited...

strange thing was I believed it so much, Serenity believed me... I now realize I must have been delusional, again...

you aren't me, are you Eric?

meanwhile, in the "what are you doing tonight" category, I've been entertaining myself (and others, I am told) at a comment party on a myspace blog (Miss Bandit, an Aussie in LA)... it's my first comment party at myspace and I passed up invites to two concerts (because I forgot what today's date was, dangit!) to attend... some might say it is merely a ruse to seduce the beautiful and sexy host, however I assured her my intentions are purely honorable...

perhaps I am still delusional...

you are most welcome to join our ragtag band of merriment and folly anytime at any of my humble online spaces, especially since I might not see your comment to me here since the internet eats everything in this space... I am not considering the possibility that z0tl may be a black hole, which might be why I mistook him for Quasar9...

yes, I am all healed up in the back end, but a stuffy head was a good excuse for a weekend in pajamas (though I'd have gotten to at least one of the concerts if I remembered what day it was)...

the net coming alive and devouring all of us is a recurrent nightmare I enjoy while I am awake at the computer, but so far I don't think it's happened...

hope tonight has been an enjoyable experience in your life... I'm going back to the party now :)