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last---past---next---now



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TO READ and EXPLORE)

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common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
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church of the fsm
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post secret
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meetup
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ragged trousered philosopher
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landover baptist
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COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
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real doll (p)
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PO BOX 780398
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send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
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let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-12-12 - 11:40 a.m.

code in da node


well, you might have missed the last entry (and many of you might have missed the last three or four or five entries cuz I've been catching up on time in the last few days (and hopefully will have a few more entries before you wake up... yes, miles to go before I sleep...

unless, of course, you're like me and up all Satuirday night... then you've got lots of reading and links to explore... hopefully to enjoy... you're not alone, I'm here...

so this entry starts off with words actually written in the early hours of the date above, amazingly, in that elusive RealTime moment... as Robin Williams used to say, reality, what a concept... of course I could be wrong about the timing, but then, this is a real slice of life in black and white, as opposed to the babbling browsing flippant irreverent free associative entries that distract me from the mundane sameness of daily life... so feel free to enjoy the words as if you were there then too...

ready?...

ok, go...

at this moment I experience great feelings followed by sad missing feelings followed by amazingly wonderful feeling followed by sad lonely feelings followed by more feelings of every color and hue and still more that can not be viewed or expressed and then you've begun to have a taste of what life is like for me...

take tonight for example...

no, on second thought, I'll keep tonight...

it's not a good night to be giving away...

tonight I've not slept in at least thirty hours and I slept less than four hours the last time I slept and I am so tired I can barely see straight and yet I am so wired I am bouncing around in my own head and if I died in the next moment this would be a fine moment to have as a last moment... hopefully I'll have many more too...

I am wired...

even though I have a code in da node...

I worked all night (Thursday night) and saw positive changes happen there, a bit of a shift of power toward balance among us co-workers, at least amongst three and a half of five... approximately... more fairness is good, we'll see if it starts a trend...

and then I clicked with time nearly perfectly and got to my live sonogram appointment on time, amazingly, a half hour earlier than I was expected (they rescheduled the appointment for a half hour later, but that was not necessary cuz everything clicked so well time-wise)...

and then I returned home and stuff my face, which is the exascerbation of the flip-flopping health habits I've lived for a while now and then it was off to Precious's Xmas Candlelight performance at Disneyworld...

in the rain, no less, which probably gave the bug that's been nagging for a foothold in this body for a few days, a secure place in this body, but for the moment I feel super-fantastic groggy way past over-tired wired...

and you?...

anyway, I rode the wave of all that energy of all those kids and all the others at the Epcot Center and then to watch Precious (she was a lead for one of the chorus lines, white glove and all), perform in front of all the Disneyworld guests and with the Voices of Liberty (Disney's chorus) on the big American Pavillion stage - twice - to standing room only crowds who cheered and whooped (because the Disney orchestra and chorus are good and the high school chorus - they are an honors chorus - was dang good too {they finished in the top five in the state the last few years and they are one of the biggest choruses in the state - five full large cushy Disney buses... that's one of the perks of being a top high schools in the Disneyworld area, Disney pays the school $1000 a pop for performances and sends buses for transport} and for the second show Raspy and I were escorted down to the front row center seating {while the packed house wondered who are those celebrities? ya know} just a few feet away from a really great conductor and the first chairs of the orchestra and, fun doesn't begin to describe it)...

so today was fun-tastic...

the best thing of all was the energy of the kids rehearsing and all lined up backstage (backstage Disney has a unique magic even more fun than the parks themselves and we being official guests had magic stickers that got us in and out through the magic backstage doors)... the back of the bus was full of the stars of the drama club and they sang most of Rent on the ride home...

I do not get to experience the wonder of theatre from backstage anymore on any sort of regular basis and definitely felt waves of amazing memories and wonderful new feelings electrifying the atmosphere and I completely forgot that I had not slept in days...

I think I'll fall over now...




. o O ( and some thirteen hours later ) O o .




oh wow, where am I?...


I feel rather poorly at the moment (the master of understatement strikes again)... all over achy, throat hurts, head clogged, nose running, diarrhea, tummy bloated (though that could have nothing to do with the cause of rest of the symptoms), and most likely a fever...

definitely no appetite, which is a good thing, unless I'm supposed to feed this cold (starve a cold, feed a fever or vice versa, I always forget)...

simply great timing (for the cold bug)... no sleep for two days, stand out in a chilled rain for most of nine hours, and don't forget ride the school bus with sixty or so high schoolers and milling amongst crowds of people from all over the world to add so many new exposures to the cold-flu season bugs when I already was feeling one try to move in for a few days, at least, and we have a recipe for how I feel...

did anybody get the number of that truck?...

but it was so much fun, can we do it again?... I know, I'm supposed to be the grown up... well, do you always do what you're supposed to do?...

why are you looking at me like that?...

ok, so I am spraying antiseptic spray into my orafices hourly and loading up on Echinechea and Cranberry and Garlic and B and C and E vitamins and a multi-vitamin-mineral tab and lots of water and I am pretty sure, as I said, that I just slept for twelve consecutive hours, or maybe thirteen (and still feel a little like like lowgrade dogfood internally)...

and later, there's the Xmas Party for Rasputin's workplace at some fine restaurant or VFW or someplace somewhere in town... of course there's no skipping it, I think, it's only once a year and there's more fun to be had and appetite or not, great food... free food, at that...

that was what I wrote before and hed in the files, but wait a minute, I fooled myself... this second part was written after sleeping for thirteen hours and talks about the Xmas party we went to on Saturday night, which was also Precious's birthday, which would be a week ago as of the moment this is being uploaded...

oh time, you fickle magician, I never know when you're going to play these tricks on me... anyway, never mind about when this was written, it's the next entry after the last entry and the next entry won't be long now, so just keep reading and eventually we'll get back to today, in real RealTime instead of this trickster RealTime that has been rewinding clocks behind the candoor for better than a month now...

before I go I'll provide you with the results of the four pronged thermometer I just stuck in my belly buttom (what?... cuz that's where four pronged thermometers go, what's why)... it's a big disconcerting that the Body reading was just three dots, an elipsis is such a vague diagnosis...

but there's always hope...

anyway:



Spirit:

Mind:

Heart:

Body:

uber-high-flying

between red and purple haze

lonely but full of love

...



yes, I should skip the Xmas party and sleep another twenty four hours straight, but then, I won't... I will sit back in the big green chair and vegetate for a few hours until it's time to head out... but I shall leave you with a favorite old song that I found recently... well, the lyrics, at least, because I don't have the brain power to remember how to embed a sound file in a page...

the music is soft and sweet and beautiful... ir was written by Patti Dahlstrom... you can hear it somewhere on the web and someday, when my mind is in a brighter haze, I should return here and provide the link... until then, here is one of the songs on the mix tape that I made for all the girls I loved before, most especially the one the one who got away (profound):

You touched me

and I knew how it really felt

To feel that part of me
in someone else


Then you left me

but youve left me in a better place

And though Ill never be able
to tell you face to face


Im sending my good thoughts

to you

And hoping that some
will make it through

All we can do

is all we can do
And Im sending my good thoughts

to you


Understanding

is always the hardest part

But that early morning light
had a way of getting to my heart

And feelings

and some of them will never end

And for all those things we planned
that never will begin


Im sending my good thoughts

to you

And hoping that some
will make it through

All we can do

is all we can do

And Im sending my good thoughts

to you

All we can do
is all we can do

So Im sending my good thoughts
to you


Sending My Good Thoughts To You
by Patti Dahlstrom



and may each day of your life be a good day J






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