IN BLACK AND WHITE last---past---next---now ( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF ) MEG AND DIA! ORLANDO? WHERE IT BEGAN ARE THEY SERIOUS? (how far are we from censorship?) ONE. . . WHY (find your social conscience)
CONVERSATION WITH GOD MEANING OF LIFE FORWARD THIS ENTRY INTELLIGENT DESIGN (SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS) o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o ABOUT ZOOPLA o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o blogadvance blogazoo blogexplosion blogmad? bloglines o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o HELP THE RED CROSS MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI BLOG FOR RELIEF NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL (MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL) (INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS) HELP AND BE HELPED HURRICANE HOUSING LINKS TO HELP IMAGES FOR HISTORY New Orleans News Buloxi News THE FAILURE FREE SPEECH (tell them what you think) The White House (202) 456-1111 Senate and Congress (202) 224-3121 YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS USE THEM FAT MAN WALKING BLOGATHON! INDEX BEGIN FACE FUN! last---past---next---now SITES I SEE A LOT IxQuick Search Google Search itools references movie database Giga-Quotes Harry Chapin Lyrics SSA OLD AND NEW READS (WISH I HAD MORE TIME TO READ and EXPLORE) mother jones utne reader common dreams the progressive mediate the other side orion harper's rolling stone reel classics fallout shelter the memory hole song meanings truth out wil wheaton bugmenot global news matrix break for news are you generic? neil gaiman h2g2 daily kos the truth laid bear reason capitol hill blue boing boing nobody here SITES I AM CONSIDERING SEEING MORE OFTEN 3Hive metafilter comics digg REFERENCE LIBRARIES questia wikipedia gutenberg internet public library deep web search engines itools references movie database Giga-Quotes rare-lyrics all musicals AMUSEMENTS Diaryland Times home star runner hell hell too sinfest ill will press the guide purple despair maximum awesome 86 the onions straight dope something awful glossy news eric conveys emotion odd todd cracked CULTURE the superficial darwin awards this is true urban legends news of the weird church of the fsm the onion god checker faqs fark iGod post secret webby awards meetup the white house ragged trousered philosopher the smoking gun the defective yeti landover baptist evil bible COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)
PROMPTS (IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW) Unconscious Mutterings Friday Feast Wednesday Whatevers Sunday Brunch Monday Madness Thursday Threesom Saturday Questions (make it real) PO BOX 780398 Orlando, FL 32878 send me some music your favorite music old or new blissful or blue let your message come through and I will love you forever last---past---next---now �2006 Candor Communications |
2005-09-06 - 2:24 p.m. I need a good prayer... because all the good drugs are illegal... no really, I need a new prayer... one that suits me and my odd sense of spirituality and the cosmos... it should probably go something like this... I want to find my way back to my silly side, my irreverence, my ecclectic hedonistic hitchhiking through the galaxy perspective... I mean, my life isn't changing... I have no horrible mess to clean up (at least none visible)... I have no major rebuilding to do (I think)... I thought about changing lives, I mean, finding a new job in a new place involved with new people dedicated to a cause or something (something I can believe in) and I might consider something new if someone offered it, but my ambition to seek out such opportunities seems to have faded... my aloneness seems to have become an sorta comfortable discomfort, kind of like an unpleasant odor I've learned to live with... I find little or no motivation to actively search for friends or anything new and fascinating in this world anymore... depressed?... not in the sense most might see the word... apathetic?... again, in an odd way... I still feel more excitement than anyone around me wants to join in on and more energy than anyone around me wants to keep up with... that's the most depressing part of life, that I still have not slowed down enough to find people who can follow me around, no less lead me around... and repressing or restraining the energy and excitement for long is simply not healthy... I seem to be in a phase of life where I await... yes, that's it, I am awaiting... not anticipating... not really looking for anything... just awaiting... are those strange looks I see?... well, actually, the better question might be are there any looks to be seen?... ahrem... or is that aherm?... I am watching the wheels and not loving it as much as I used to... it gets this way when I am alone too long (after all, John had his Yoko when he wrote that song)... I see love blooming in the most beautiful of places (and such hearts deserves every moment of bliss) and I feel even more alone, even as I rejoice and cheer what I see... I see great spirits in action amidst profound challenges in the most disgusting of environments (and such spirits deserve the glory of overcoming and rebuilding and enjoying new lives) and I feel even more alone, even as I feel humanity and inspiration in what I see... I see so many people in need and cry silently, dryly, and I feel even more alone, even as I feel wishes in my heart that I could help... I see so many people and more people I wish I knew and could talk to and take walks with and have fun with and feel even more alone, even as their words and images inspire me to hope it will not always be so... so what?... I can distract myself from my life with the news... I can pour energy into causes and try to change the world... but I do not want to control anything or anyone... I do not want to make rules for others... I do not want to tell others how to live, what to think, or how to be... I do not want to be god or leader or even some sort of role model... I do not want to be a public figure... I want to be a private person, just me, sharing life with someone who knows me, appreciates me, loves me... someone who wants the same thing... someone who lives for loving me as I live for loving them... another hitchhiker who feels the passions of life, who cares about everything in the world, and who understands that it is for each one of us to create the world we want to live in... not by telling others how to do it, not by controlling, governing, or making rules... but by doing it... living it... sharing it... being it... I want to be me because I love me... I feel good being me... I help others who cross my path as I wander through this world... that feels good... I give all I can because giving feels good... I don't have much to give anymore because I do not receive much because I know few people in the world who give as I do... and I stopped taking things because I do not enjoy taking things... I do not enjoy the aquisition games of this culture... and that is another part of my loneliness, for few choose the path I choose... oh, about not wanting to be a public person... don't tell Meg Ryan, ok? (or any of my libido fantasies)... no seriously, if I met someone in the public eye and fell in love (and she fell in love with me, cuz it would not be quite what I am looking for if she didn't), I'd learn to live happilly ever after in the public eye... after all, I don't care who knows what about me, I'm just not looking to be famous or public... this diary is about sharing me in the hopes that someone, the one, might find me... that's always been the second reason for my seemingly endless writing... the first being releasing what is in my head in some mad dash to stay ahead of the insanity that sort of swamps me every now and then cuz I have no off switch inb my head and there's just so much to know and I want to know everything, but that's besides the point, I think... this is my selfish entry, I suppose... after all, this is my diary, my place to let my mind wander wherever it will go (fixing a hole, and all that jazz, or rock, depending on personal preference)... and besides, some of you reading who have not already been exposed to this whining lonely child who lives inside of me might be curious to know that such a vulnerable baby does exist within and behind all these words... heck, this diary alone is approaching it's 1000th entry and I have many others... see the links on the left for more if you're crazy enough to want more... my head hurts... I think the first rush of adrenaline is starting to wear off... it lasted the better part of a week, so that's pretty amazing by most medical standards... I could probably sleep for a week... unfortunately, I've got to be back at work in about eight hours, so I should consider rolling into bed soon... I've got a feeling this is yet another of my unfinished entries... aren't we lucky?... wharever you are, whatever you are doing, I hope you are making the best day out of today you can make of it (today) and if my babbling has not intrigued, amused, or otherwise held your attention, well, it really doesn't matter what I say cuz you're probably gone, unless you fell asleep and woke and wondered what was on your screen and read down here by accident, but whatever the reason for your reading this far down this page, or even if you didn't, I wish you the best day of your life... at least until tomorrow...
< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one > |
. . . . . the moment we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)... connections . . . . AND WHATDYA MISS? Can You Laugh At The Sky? DSandDrew It's Been A While Just a Moment (Proof of Mice) A Moment of Forever older still random chance who me? leave a note? (read archived notes) send me mail? you want to know me? soundtrack 101 Things The Sequel The Trilogy 202 Things 200 Things 202 More Things 202 Things Again testing123 have time, love words? sleepwriting (where the heart dreams) and now, in RealTime� and then, (e)thereal and now, briefly, in case it matters and now, the dirt, drama, and details (babbling) DO ME! (Johari Style) DO ME WRONG! (but do me right) SOAP! (EPISODE ONE) (the dark side of candoor) loving linkers other loves A Diaryland Survey other surveys small world your profile matters (search for you & find me) tell others read others applause? favor? gift? get your own! saturn rings and other places googlisms browsing where've ya been? the searchers favorites 911 HEY AMERICA! LOOK AT YOUR CHILD STOP THE ABUSE (GET THE CODE) THOUGHTS ON GOD ( temporary attractions ) BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE! WAS #1 @ MSN! (for a while, now on page (EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS) RSS? who links here blogwise Blogarama Globe of Blogs blogthings ~ BLOGLINKERS ~ ~ BLOGROLLING ~ Blogroll Me! published blogadvance blogazoo blogexplosion blogmad? bloglines (PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS) TSUNAMI INFO fantasy sports? BLOGGIES? sorry everybody Orange Blossom Music Festival Deland Music Festival MIT Survey brilliant idea Celebrate Birthdays FOR FREEDOM CONTINUE... talking dog SAY HELLO 407-325-1482 and if you want to leave take good care hope you make a lot of true friends out there |