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2004-11-24 - 7:10 a.m. a little cheating I shall cheat to bring you an entry today... I mean, I shall upload an email I just wrote and call it today's entry... because I don't have time for more writing or putting together the pieces of entries written in the past two weeks... and because the email sort of explains why I've been gone from here (not uploading, not reading, not noting - is gone) for the past week plus... I thank her for inspiring the email... I also want others of you to feel the hug I send with the email... you who have called and left messages in the past few weeks... you who have sent emails... you who have left notes or comments or any tangible proof that you visited me, thought of me, care about me... the words thank you try in vain to sum up feelings that words can not express... if you would imagine a hug that lasts a few minutes and remains comfortable and unconditional, or at least five or fifteen seconds (since long hugs are not always the norm for most people's comfort levels and I wish the comfort to be maximized for you), if you would imagine the energy of love passing through us pure and undemanding and nurturing and free... then you begin to experience the feeling your expressions of caring bring to me... and with that hopeful understanding, I share this moment's update of life behind the candoor: I am a creature of random habits and today my habit of checking Gmail (which has not actually become anything near a habit yet since I forget for a few weeks, but I want to remember, so thank you) has been very positively reinforced, so there is some hope that I might remember to do it more often... because if I was dumb enough to miss many more of your emails that show me that you care, I'd consider myself more self-defeating than I'd like to be... yeah, so I am happy to find you here and wish I'd have found you sooner cuz your caring inspires me to wake up and care more than I do... and then there was a second email that abbreviated (and I think added to) the above (and thank you for inspiring this reawakening)... the appreciative sentiments in both of these emails, the hug described in the opening of this entry go out to you and you and you and you and you (plural) too (who have no website for me to link here) and yous and yous and yous and yous and yous and all yours at LJ too (I'm due for a large dump there)... I wish there was time for more words tonight... anyway, I followed the previous email with this next one (at least I think they went in that order, for what it's worth)... I remembered Gmail tonight... and here I find some mail from you (and I grumble at myself for forgetting to open Gmail for so long, but I smile for you are here, smiles beat grumbless, so smiles win J and so you have a long entry (that would have been uploaded on time had Precious not come out needing something with me having to shower and rush out to work, foodless again, cuz I ran out of time and I'd rather attempt some form of creativity and meaningful sharing than eat sometimes)... life has been lethargic and dreary of late, dragging around has become a pattern (which reflects itself in the lack of daily entries... so we have a rule of thumb to follow, lack of daily entries usually means one of two things, either dragging around in lethargy {or worse} or life is just too much fun to pause and write about it... I'll let you know when the latter happens... hope you are having fun out there and remember to be good to yourself, cuz, well, just cuz...
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