I tried downloading mail five times this morning already and the internet connection just keeps disconnecting... so I've got about five thousand junk mail messages to delete and re-download along with all the rest of the junk just so I can find out if one or two of you sent me an email recently... junk mail is such a waste... and I could depress myself with more facts about man's inhumanity to man and the history of cruelty that is mankind, but I shed a few tears a day for the suffering people and animals and planet (mostly at the hands of hypocritical arrogant white men for land or religious control... yes, this lingers) and then I try to live a good life... and for a little while, I lost myself in browsing and rambling through words and madness of my mind where I can dream of better worlds and kinder, gentler people...

and maybe they really can not kill the dream or love... my laptop choked on this, boo... and when got me thinking about John in the first place was this because I so relate... if only you'd believe like I believe... but ooh where oh where is my yoko?...

ah, once again the irreverent lamenting leads me out of the hard core depressive reality and into random web wandering and mental meandering so onward to the rambling... while catching up on a favorite, I found a link to this old diary that lead this, which seems to be a way to get LJ readers to follow this, which is either a blog that spawned a novel for sale or a blog created (along with all the others) as a clever marketing tool to sell the novel... in any case, Writer's Digest (a magazine every writer ought to know well... and if you happen to have ancient issues from the eighties and nineties, you'll find my ads in the classified section in the back) apparently liked the marketing concept enough to mention it in a recent issue... this appears to be the author page, but I think the link to remember, to keep in touch with the writer (for us diary-blog-journal loving folk), is this...

lots of fun finds were made (and before I get too distracted by my wanderings, I must thank cat for starting off today with interesting reading and great links that lead to more links and so on and so on)... cat is so definitely a person I feel that love-to-meet feeling about based on her writings... even if she is sometimes challenging to track down... and I see the diary rings list continues to grow which means more to explore... ah, all I need are sixty hour days and I could do most of what I want to do... anyway, hopefully the fun will spread to you, my dear readers, too... here's a bunch of sites I'm happy to find:

having lived (and left my heart) in a few of those cities for various numbers of years (and missing the precious people and wondrous stuff I used to do and find there), the find was exciting... I love to find place-related local sites (like craig's lists and meet up and my groups sites), especially when the place holds great memories (or fantasies) for me...

I'm bouncing around a lot from link to link today, so I hope you don't get too dizzy now...

actually, I've been dragging around all day... the laundry didn't get done because I've been too lazy to head out and get detergent (I waited for Raspy to get home, knowing he didn't have a car and might have needed a ride somewhere, but he called Precious to tell her that he had hooked up with someone for lunch and to go to the movies so he was no motivation to get unlazy)... the room is still a mess of Seussian stacks of boxes, but there's still more hope of that being dealt with tonight than there is me riding out for detergent... some weekends are just beyond uber lazy... and this is obviously one of them...

hey, it's a free country...

something just struck me as a little odd... a NBA all star show was on and showed the stars reading to kids in Denver (at least they said it was Denver)... what struck me as odd was that the classrooms were not all white... now I know some people reading this (at least people I know would be) are laughing at this because it's so absurd to think (and when has that stopped me), but I seriously did not know there were black people in Colorado... and now that I've offended the good folk of that state, I still think the classroom shots were very staged and ethinically planned... there's the cynic in me showing... somebody laugh...

and maybe (maybe?) the rage over the hypocrisy and lies I vented about in the previous entry still hasn't gone away... sure enough, there's the odd couple as if I needed another reminder... the former presidents who are all over for Tsunami relief these days... I think I am watching too much TV and being exposed to too much news... it's definitely detrimental to my health...

all I wanted to see was some basketball... but it's on TNT, the most right wing puritanical commercial-filled control-freak station on TV (and second only to Spike TV in macho moron mentality), so I should have known I would find a lot of wasted time with stupid commercials and negativity in between the shooting basketballs (did I mention I was feeling a little cynical?... well, maybe a little more than a little, aye?)... I am certain that there was more commercial time during this special basketball show than show time... now that is pathetic...

grumble grumble grumble...

I think I need a vacation from this world... or maybe I just need to visit kilowatt... and sure enough, she reminds me of what I've always known... the key to my peace and security is trusting my intentions unconditionally... I may get tired or stupid and forget to do my best (or even get too lazy to do the right thing) and I surely can get down and lose hope and cave into despair and self-pity and I am full of potential to make great mistakes, but no matter what I know that deep down I mean well... I want to love and be loved more than anything else... and I want to do my best each moment to be a positive influence, share positive energy, and leave the world a little better for my being here... those are my truest intentions and knowing this, being secure in this, lets me forgive myself and that's when hope returns...

and it so helps to have a wise and wonderful teacher to turn to when I get stupid and let doubts cloud my vision and my foolishness leads me to forget...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)