I really think I rarely use the word you to mean anyone specifically in my public writings and almost always link the word you when I use the word you, but most of the time I use the word you in the most infinite plural because I am, at heart, babbling on for the infinite energy of the eternal infinity and everyone who may or may not know what that may or may not be, ya know?...

maybe I use the word ya too much too?

ok, seriously trying to keep my sense of humor (it's my only link to any sort of peaceful sanity, but that may just be my delusion, after all... and sense of sense, that's good too) intact, I ponder... I am rambling aimlessly (which is how my mind works best from my perspective) along a trail of thought inspired by something someone said... that doesn't mean I am writing to anyone in particular and hopefully everyone who reads me understands my way of writing for misunderstanding is not comfortable...

it was brought to my attention by a beautiful flower that my ramblings (which are mostly self-indulgent free-associative massive missives from the many voices that jump up and down in my head, from the grand delusions of egocentricities {like I'll save the world with words or I'll write the words make the whole world sing or I'll discover, literally, the answers to life, love, the pursuit of happiness, and the secrets of the universe} or the insatiable child always begging for attention and nurturing {me me me} or the alien consciousness who wonders whatever brought me to this weird planet and how I might catch the next space bus out-a-here (nano klakto nikto, or something like that} and other oddballs all vying for use of my vocal chords {or in this case, my fingers} to be heard {read} and understood and somehow make the sort of connection I seek) might be misunderstood... I can only hope that if that happens and you care to know what I mean, you'll ask... good? J

hope so...

I am usually smiling inside... what some nay not know is that behind or within most of my smiles is often a sigh and here's a deep one now... to think that my words might give anyone cause to hurt is sad, for there's no harmful intent in me... it shows me the utter futility of words sometimes... and the self-doubts about my ability to express myself clearly tell me just give it up and try something else... but that's not the me I want to be, one who gives into self-doubts and sees through the eyes of fear, so I press on and hope...

cuz for me (within me), misunderstanding just gives the cynic more fuel for his self-destructive fires so I'll let him pretend he is profound and spout out kinds like George Carlin might (see what a free thinking ego can do?)...

Living an honest, nurturing, healthy, giving life in this world is swimming upstream, for this world flows with lies, neglect, abuse, and greed.

ok, truth is that was written (and remains an incomplete thought) a few weeks ago along with other swimming upstream analogies (or maybe they were similes... metaphors?... well, they were words written a few weeks ago whatever we label them categorically, ok?), but it just seemed profounder right now...

life is a strange trip, and a long strange trip it's been (thank you Groucho and Jerry and company)... and excuse me if my banter is not up to it's usual par (if anybody out there ever really though it was something special beyond those who actually try to care about me and would like whatever I'd write cuz I wrote it, I mean, I love motherly unconditional friends, but by definition that's kinda biased, ya know?), but to be seriously vulnerable, I am feeling self-conscious about how my words might be read now...

maybe I do need a break or a start-over...

ah, the delights of self-pity surely shine through in that thought... it's foolish and I know it and I shall do my best to let the words flow freely in my written sanctuaries by continuing to trust in my harmless intent... and hoping your understanding of my intended meaning does not cause you discomfort or pain... I suppose that is the secondary reason for my compartmentalizing my written gardens, so you (any reader) might choose the textures of language and paths of thought that are comfortable for you and not be go anywhere that is not comfortable for you... this may not makes sense outside of my mind, but it is within our own minds that we each must live...

I hope these next words are as clear in reading as they are in my mind as I write them... if any one is in any way offended or upset by anything I write, please try to understand there is no harm in my intent and if it helps, explain what you think I meant and how the words you read can hurt you...

I mean you no harm...

I hope to always see and focus on as much positivity and beauty and wonder in every word you write...

I shall strive not to stress over what I can not change...

and give the best I've got...

and I hope you do too...

I hope the attempts at wisdom are not lost in folly, the blessings of joy are not lost in fear, the power of the journey toward truth is not lost in blind hunger, and the glimpses of enlightened reasoning are not lost in the rush to get all the words out... this brain I find myself floating around in never seems to turn off and there's never enough time to release every thought or follow every path I find my mind wandering... sometimes I think, if but for a moment, that it all makes sense to me... most of the time I don't actually understand it myself...

everything changes...

that's life...

I think...

yo.

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)