man where does that depressing stuff come from anyway?...

ok, so I've been really blahhed (not quite bummed, but not quite numbed) the last few days... screwed up in the noodle, stepping into the dead zone, lost in the stank of my own crapola, and most of all, giving into the negativity around me...

you don't really want to continue, do you?...

today I am finally ready to accept that I work in a diseased place... there's a sickness there, an insecurity and apathy and selfishness that permeates most of the managers... there's gross managerial incompetence and negligent nursing that is covered up by the management because the management are all nurses who have minimal managerial competence but almost absolute power within the confines of the hospital...

I am starting to hear the sound of a whistle...

if I do not do something to try to cure the place (which puts my job at risk), then I am part of the disease, so I am going to play managerial chess with the policies and procedures and we shall see how rusty I have become (if I still have this job in a month, I'd be kind of surprised...

and then there's the seemingly secondary news that my doctor is reading something ominous about my liver in my blood tests and we're doing those tests one more time this week and next week I'll probably get a sonogram and other tests and hopefully they'll find nothing more than a fatty liver (which can be adjusted by dropping back to my optimal weight, but will that be the incentive I need?... ah, am I questioning my will to live?... I must say it has been a whole lot stronger than it is these days)...

oh, the drama...

well, something has to make life more exciting...

anyway, the night after the stupidity of the previous entry, I was handling a delicate issue with one of the kids who could not sleep... it was the kid's first night without medication and she was on the verge of freaking out, having flashbacks, and it could have been a mess...

the shift charge came over to talk to me and told my nurse to tell my co-worker that I should tell the kid to sleep in the time-out room (generally considered punishment and there was already a kid in there)... I told my co-worker to tell our nurse that I am ignoring the suggestion of the shift charge because it was not in the kid's best interest and she (shift charge) was once again making a decision without ascertaining facts or keeping the kid's interest in mind)...

a bit later, while I am sitting outside that kid's bedroom door so she could try to fall asleep in her bed, the shift charge nurse comes up to me again to talk and I briefly explain that I am trying to get the kid to fall asleep, which is the first priority, and her talking outside of the kid's door is not only inappropriate, but creating a potential problem for the kid and staff on the unit... I told her that I'd be happy to talk to her later when I all the kids were asleep...

she left in a huff, as she usually does when she does not get her way...

later I called her and she informed me that the Director of Nursing wanted to see me in her office at 7:15am... I explained that I had a doctor's appointment and she didn't care... I explained that she was affecting my health and she said the meeting would be quick...

not if it was meant as a meeting to reprimand me and sweep what she did under the rug... but I did not expect them to accomodate my doctor's appointment...

the further irony of that time is that there's been a controversy about waking the kids with insufficient staff on the floor for years in that hospital and we do wake them (because the kids should not suffer) with inssuficient staff and at the time she and the DON wanted me to leave the floor I'd most likely be on the floor three staff short...

I explain the staffing issue, one she is well ware of being the shift charge for years at that hour, and she didn't hear it (as usual), so I asked her to put the patients first for a change and let the DON know that I will be at her office as soon as I have enough staff on the floor...

I should have just left, but I foolishly went to the DON's office at 7:30am knowing I'd have no time if I was to make my doctor's appointment that had been scheduled for two months...

in a nutshell, the Director of Nursing accepted lies written by the Shift Charge Nurse about the incident (loosely described in the previous entry) and the outcome (so far) is as I expected, that I received a written counseling for telling her to go to hell...

but the director of nursing chose to not inquire as to what actually happened, taking the word of the shift charge who was not even there... so neither showed any interest in the patients, in fact telling me that it was irrelevant...

this is just what I need to prove to the hospital administrator that this management team do not focus on patient care and are lead by nurses who cover their negligence with lies...

the DON made some stupid statements (like using the hospital intercom at 3AM, which would wake half the hospital, is ok... that has never been done and people have been warned in writing against doing it) completely supported the lies of the shift charge without any investigation or inquiry of staff who were actually present...

on a side note, you may remember that the shift charge's only concern during the incident was that I did not follow protocol by calling my direct supervisor (who's whereabouts were unknown to me) first (and even there she is wrong because I did follow policy)...

my direct supervisor?... not invited to this meeting... so once again the chain of command protocol only matters when it's convenient, which is one more error they made that they will have to explain when the incident report I wrote about the lack of timely response (because so many people were on break and sleeping, including her, on her unit) and inappropriate shift charge response (not asking why I called for extra staff in the first place but instead coming over to read me the rulebook)...

I'll vent more some time later, but I seldom bring work crap home and I've had enough for the moment...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)