what?... you say you miss my freestyle babbling?... you say you wanna know more about me, the writer, and the life in black and white behind the candoor?... well I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do... I'm gonna give you what you want... even if it's just one of ya...

so I nod off right after stuffing myself with pizza and chicken strips and rice and shrimp and salad for dinner and wake a bit later so ready for bed I can taste it (bed, not the food, but the food was good too, though I try to remember to always brush and floss and poke my gums and all that before bed cuz I don't want to feel the bacteria that causes gingivitis and tooth decay and all that stinky corrosive mouth stuff, but I don't mention it too often cuz it's kinda gross to think about what can happen in a mouth if one skips the after meal and daily hygiene that keeps gums healthy and teeth pearly white and intact in the mouth), but I remember there's laundry in the dryer and shirts that will be wrinkled if I leave them in there overnight so I check them and as usual the dryer needs a bit more time cuz I use the cooler mode so it doesn't shrink or damage the shirts and so I sit down to watch a bit of the game which is on the TV (which is on, along with all the lights, even though nobody is awake or watching or even in the room) and I toss in another load of laundry because I have not had time to do laundry in a while because I've had concerts and shows to enjoy every weekend and during the week for more than a few weeks now and sure enough I nod off again after munching on a few more chicken strips (that I surely didn't need but sleep-eating is an old habit) and I wake to curse the laundry for stopping again and wrinkling more shirts but I stay awake to hang up the clothes while putting the other load in the dryer and I decide to head over to RealTime� to keep in touch the few friends who keep in touch with me in RealTime� and after accepting the blogger-google site was down or something cuz I couldn't get to any of the pages I try to check in on there I just rambled a bit and that's when Precious came out to talk about her Spanish assignment with great zeal as she's excited about the subject and after bringing her down a bit cuz she's neglecting school and I wanted her to know I cared enough to be concerned, I cheered her enthusiasm and encouraged her to put some more time into academics even though she's skating through the elite IB program and then she went to bed and I zoned into space until the dryer stopped and I hung up more clothes, but a few shirts were not dry so I reached for chocolate which was about the dumbest move I could have made after the stuffing I gave my stomach earlier but dumb-R-me sometimes when I get in this habit of sedentary laziness and eating out of loneliness and that's when I came here to write this while waiting for the dryer to finish drying the last few shirts but now that I have the chocolate sugar rush I am bleary-eyed over-tired and buzzing about the space at the same time which will make for restless sleep and more sedentary laziness and blahs physical tomorrow so let this be a lesson to you, or something like that...

and then I checked my email, or to be more accurate, I downloaded my SPAM for the first time in several weeks and as usual I lost interest in trying to sort through the junk mail (and that is one reason I hardly ever email) and I pondered activating yet another email address (like fifty others isn't enough?) and trying some new technique to prevent it from being SPAMed and actually being able to find real messages from real people like you (and how many get lost?) in the tens of thousands of messages that flood my email boxes every week... and I felt sad about all the email groups I used to moderate (and groups I created) cuz I don't even know what's going on in them these days and any chances for connections are slipping by as the group mail is lost in the SPAM too... the great hope for the internet to bring more meaningful connections into my offline life is fading as the years pas and the only thing that becomes more certain is that junk mail increases and swallows everything else...

but then, I am too tired and over-stuffed and lethargic from lack of exercise to find the positivity in the air at the moment so I'll just ramble on wallowing in the blahs of soup-thick synapse motion as my brain is asleep as the fingers continue tapping keys and somehow my bobble-head has not fallen off my shoulders... and now that all the clothes are hung up and the laundry pauses (yes, there's still more to be done later in the week), I am sitting here watching Futurama because I like cartoons and science fiction because anything can happen in cartoons and the universe intrigues me, especially when I look around at the current state of humanity and the tiny mindsets and narrow perspectives that rule the fear-dominated species I am reluctantly part of at the moment...

I obviously did not mosh enough this weekend... and go figure, three concerts and two shows in five days and still, not enough exercise or energy infused... and now I recall (only to deliberately forget in the next moment) that this is why I let myself drift into lethargy... it is all too depressingly lonely and dead in this world and I'd rather not always be so acutely aware of it...

you never know when secrets might spill out...

and I was supposed to be dead asleep hours ago and now I'm sugar buzzing beyond any reasonable sensible logical physical ... wait... the TV just went off... there it was in the middle of some Star Trek spoof episode of Futurama when it just when blink and black... and after a few moments, the cable box had LORd flashing on it...

omigosh, it's a visitation...

after a bit of a chuckle I realized the cable box was actually reading LOAd, as in loading new software, but those dang LED readouts are a little holy, no doubt...

and just when you thought I was the only one spacing out and way beyond reasonably coherent, the universe, via the local cable company, sense a message that we are all bozos on this bus (and everything you know is wrong)... anyone pulling that reference out of their hat is either really old or has a wonderful education in comedy recordings... be careful or you'll have me saying things like you are so sophisticated, so worldly, so knowledgeable about life and aesthetics, you must watch adult swim...

so nothing is happening, but it's all good... I enjoy good days at work where I got lots done and made people happy and hardly nobody has a negative word to say... that is the best part of this new position, the lack of negativity in the air in the immediate space in and around my office... so different compared to the previous workspace... like day and night...

everybody groan...

if you remember my rambles (and rants) about working night shift, you may recall the whiny crap that used to be inspired by the laziness unprofessionalism selfishness and negativity that maybe drove most of the night shift people to choose to work the night shift (though some had no choice because they could not handle working a real job where they had to actually do some work and produce)... it's still there (and the ineptness of administration still can't seem to figure out how to get the night shift to do the simplest of tasks like file papers properly or make copies), but I'm not immersed in it and so can ignore it even as it effects the process during the day...

now I head in comfortably, pick up my mail, open my office, turn on my computer, and take care of business with nobody complaining or interfering or undermining... of course that is because I am setting up my own little world that is only minimally dependent on anyone else in the place and nobody understands exactly what I do or how I do it so no one can question what I am doing or how I am doing it as long as the job gets done... the head cheese walks by my office and smiles, as does my supervisor (the assistant head cheese) and all the other head cheeses follow suit... how sweet is that?...

ok, so the place would run better if more people had a clue about systems and analysis and organization and cooperation, but I can't change the world so I can enjoy the autonomy and freedom that having knowledge and skills that no one else has affords me... and the separation from the confusion and neediness and self-destructive habits that dominate the human race is so much easier too... oh my, what a few days off might do...


I'm not sure if life is much more fun when I get a little sleep, but I am more aware of how much fun it is when I am more awake...

and in case you didn't notice the first pebbles, I found a little time to start the babbling ball rolling you know where and by next week the landslide will pour scores of new entries into the madness behind the candoor...

it's so much fun to empty my head J

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)