very strange...

that floating feeling of being drugged or perhaps having a high fever is carrying me around at the moment... it is quiet... it is very strange for it to be quiet around here... there's no wall banging... there's no tennis playing... there's no TV... there's no phone conversations... it won't last long...

there's Precious coming from her room, as if on cue, or is that queue, and she's on the phone... she's been glued to her brand new super-computer (well, it's a super-computer compared to the other computers in this house)... it's very nice... next time I have an extra two grand, I might get one... first I would be wise to get the stuff out of storage and sort through it and bring closure to that portion of this life so it might be easier to move on to the next portion which will hopefully happen soon... very strange...

the quiet was very strange too, while it lasted...

talking is very strange too, right now... while the very act of talking is not an instant reason to cough, the demon in my throat demanding that I cough, and cough vigorously, is happy to see the air passing through the larynx and throat because it makes it easier to tickle my throat and therein get me to cough... coughing does not feel good, so I try to avoid it...

and my tongue hurts... a lot... it seems that sometime during sleep I bit the tip of it... probably in some semi-conscious (and semi-failed, apparently) attempt to suppress a cough... I spray stuff on it to numb it... that makes talking even stranger...

as if talking to me was not strange enough...

Precious returned to her room with a pile of DVDs... she is testing her new DVD-ROM drive... she is having much fun... apparently she is finally taking a break from searching for and downloading everything Groban... that's Josh Groban, in case you haven't picked up on the obsession with the singer that is consuming Precious these days... it's very exciting to watch... and bounce around in for a little while... is it time to stop the party in my head now?... I need a new obsession...

I mean a real one...

I am breaking the silence with music... Elvis Costello, North... it comes with a DVD too... this CD seems perfect for the current spacey mood... fuzzy symbols... notes dragging out just right... sometimes semi-random selection is amazing... the four CDs I put within reach, after semi-randomly selecting a hundred or so from the library last week and then semi-randomly selecting a dozen or so from the hundreds just recently after the coma (you'll just have to read back in the week to get more detail on that) and then semi-randomly selecting these four for listening to be within reach of my hands without having to rise from the big green chair (it's supposed to be some sort of magical selection process... sometimes it works) were selected (semi-randomly, of course) with the hope that they would fit into the current mind-body condition and therein aid in the healing process...

the Gloria Estafan CD (that influenced the energy that flooded into the recent candora entries (like the last eight written in on marathon sitting that encompassed a few entries here and several in other places from diverse extremes of inspiration and depths and heights and so on) repeated enough finally and Dashboard Confessional was a reasonable transition into getting up and doing all the stuff with Rasputin and Precious... and now that I've returned here after sleeping off most of the burn-out 48 hours without sleep after 24-hours of flubug and drug induced coma while and still dancing with this playful bug and writing a personal email (shhh, it's personal) and taking a beautiful shower and feeling all squeaky clean and relaxed and peaceful and fuzzy (you remember?) and looking out of the window to see a single hawk or eagle (too far away to tell) circling over the big wild area beyond the park that is just next to the property and floating along with that bird for a bit... Elvis Costello's North is quite nearly perfect...

considering that I've not had a conscious memory of hearing the entirety of any of these CDs and when choosing them I couldn't name a single song or melody on them (though I've since recalled hearing a song or few on all of them so far... there's one more after all in this magical four CD semi-randomly selected playlist for the immediate vecinity of the big green chair, after all... and there's ten more just ofer on the table I can reach with my foot if I feel dextrous enough to get a CD with my toes... like the tissues I just got in that manner to I could dry our my ears a bit more... are we digressing... perhaps... and perhaps you are enjoying or appreciating the visual information as you imagine experiencing being here and observing or sharing the physical space), it's pretty darn amazing that it's diverse music and melody and tempo and yet each was precisely appropriately fitting for the moments I reached for them...

see, there is hope...

and another very strange thing is how I miss someone in New Zealand who I haven't spoken to in years and never actually met in the flesh and just miss her... one of my first contacts online back in the nineties... and I want to go to Perth, Austrailia too... and... wow, very strange how memories sneak back so quickly... the first three people I met online when I finally did get relatively permanently online (I mean after BBS contacts and the earliest days of info and file trading), the first three people I truly called friends online, were from those two places and Seattle... I'll leave the possible coincidence of that last one for those who know to oooo and ahhhh and giggle over in awe and all...

as I fell asleep last night the TV offered a choice between two all-time favorite films, Terminator 2 and Sleepless in Seattle...

oooo and ahhhh...

and then there's the my space blog... it is very strange... different strange in the way it's formatted and set up and in the info it provides (if I know it was automatically going to put personal profile information directly on the blog pages themselves, I might have given my actual biological birthdate... I am very much, emotionally and based on stereotypical personality traits, Sign: Sagittarius... and I am very much, emotionally and based on stereotypical behavioral patterns, Age: 31... heck, any astrologist and psychologist could make a good case for me to be a 17 year old Scorpio... the information in the profile, however, is not based on biology... it is based on emotional psychology... I died and was reborn in Decembers, several times (no religious connotation intended), the most profoundly real death being 1973, and decided that blog would be for that aspect of my psyche if it ever wants to come out again...

maybe like a memorial...

hey, I don't always create a webspace with carefully planned conscious reasoning... I actually signed up there just to be able to leave some comments... but looking at the blog itself, for me, perhaps combined with all the other experienced mentioned above and other stuff from deeper down and farther back, is very strange...

a good very strange, but very strange indeed...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)