yes, ok, you see... well, I see... if you don't see, then you'll just have to come a little bit closer (now there's a blast from the past song not played often on public airwaves, but that's besides the point, perhaps still a part of the point, but still besides, know what I mean?... ah, who answers rhetorical parentheses anyway) and get a better view... what we have here is a failure to communicate... one small step for man, where no one has gone before... ok, ok, don't have a brain tumor... I did get to the gym again this morning, which seems like a long long time ago... I may finally be putting the physical data where it belongs, so you won't be burdered or bored (or fascinated, if you've got a childlike mind like me) by numbers reflecting the energy output and work I do at the gym... I'll root myself on in your absence, unless, of course, you decide to cheer in my notes in which case I'll adore you forever and send you the most positive ethereal energy ever experienced on this or any planet... or email or phone call or any sort of letting me know you're out there (here) reading and caring... I tried installing the computer version of Madden 2003 Football that I bought for $10 when I was shopping for gifts for the people at work (the first time I went shopping for gifts in years... it felt so strange... and left me feeling high and low for a number of reasons... poverty was one of the lows, since I could not afford to spend as I once did and then a high was thinking that I want to buy gifts for everybody I know {which would be you people on the internet} and then the low came when I realized I could not sensibly afford that and even if I could I did not know you well enough to know where to send a gift even if I could guess what you might want so I settled for buying myself the $10 gift and the people at work {all three} got small gifts and that was that), but the game said that the computer did not have the right requirements to run the software, so there... sigh... well anyway, after the gym Sally brought home Boston Market so that was lunch and then - here's the news we've been waiting for - I was casually looking through a stack of CDs that were sitting behind some books on a shelf in my room when I found copies of some software, including MS Office 2000 and that installed on the desktop and (here it is) I found a CD of the stuff from the old computer (a different old computer) that was lost back in January of 2001 when someone I trusted betrayed my trust and everything I had brought down from up north was gone (somewhere in my rambles I noted the many thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but what was more valuable than any of the precious life-sustaining stuff was the last of the trust and belief in human beings that I was hanging on to that I let go of for all conscious purposes and left me mostly dead for all intensive purposes except for the gasps of whatever might be coming from deep within my sub or unconscious) and the CD worked... yes, that's the point, the CD worked... !... yes, an exclamation point... the re-discovery of about a year of writings from about ten years ago (a rather amazingly manic period at the end of an amazing few years of doing nothing but enjoying life, inspired by the last of the innocent love affairs I physically actualized and etherally fantasized and the approach of the ultimate high and low {which went on for the next few years after the writings I found} experience of this life so far), writings that consist of letters and rhymes and assorted essays and some of the magazines I published back then and... excited?... yes I am... I must make time to explore the 200+ MB of writings... and when I do, oh what a roller coaster that will continue to be... and the tear in my eye is for the lost editor and the promise that never was...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)