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2004-03-30 - 12:04 p.m. sure thing I've got to change my ways... ideally, a personal fitness trainer or at least some active, healthy, very fit friends in my life would be a blessing... the only people I know are sedentary and aging much faster than they have to... I'm still bouncing off walls with energy and the only way I get to use it is to go off by myself and do something energetic... but without such a blessing, I must walk away from the couch potato people in my world more often, even if that's everybody and I'm already lonely and will moan over feeling even lonelier... change my ways, sure thing... so I think I've made another decision (the funny thing about decisions is that they can be made and then, never happen... no matter how sure we are of anything, we can not be sure what will happen tomorrow... so we shall see, time will tell, and so on)... I went back to the gym today... a full month away, longer than necessary (probably), but you may recall I did head down there a couple of weeks ago and it was closed for repairs and I ran that night, but that's it for the past month... so I think I need to change something... I don't get nearly as much privacy to write and do anything else (like cook) around here anymore... I don't want to boot Precious out of the living room (even though she has a TV in her room) and she's starting to cook more often in the evening (when I wake to get ready for work), so I'm going to try a different schedule and see if it works better for me... I go with the flow too much... behaviorally I am in large part a chameleon... that is, if the TV is on and I'm living with couch potatos who eat poorly and too much, I will probably do the same just cuz it's easier and more social... it's a when in Rome kind of way to be... so in order to have the kitchen to myself, I'll start cooking when I get home from work... I don't have to eat, but I can cook (the kitchen is tiny, one at a time is all it can handle)... but I don't have to eat then because that would be too close to my bedtime... I should probably take food to work and eat around 4AM... then I can head to the gym when I get home... then shower without having to share the water... then I'll write (ah, sweet privacy, music or silence and the words) and catch up here (so the entries will be more me and the stimulus I choose and less influenced by what is going on around me that others choose... and then I'll sleep in the afternoon and evening and then get up and eat something I prepared in the morning before before heading to work... see, I have a habit of eating one meal a day and that is not best for the body... and though exercising when I wake up might be better than after work, compromise is the name of the game when you have two roommates... changing a schedule of daily behavior is not as easy as it seems and writing it all out here should help me (since I've adjusted it several times already while writing to make it fit better for me and for my roommies... today is the first day... with some strain in the chest and almost cramping in the feet, I survived another push at the gym... and it's about time I stopped being lazy and using the kidney stone as an excuse... yeah, that's telling me... so... what's it all mean?... no more eating one huge meal a day... at least two, maybe three (I keep hearing many small meals is better than one or two large meals, but is there really time in a day to prepare a lot of small meals?... or maybe the trick is to prepare them all at once and just heat up stuff?... leftovers every meal?... stop looking at it as half full dummy... ok, so maybe more meal planning would be better for the body... what, me plan?... ok, meals that take less time to cook then... and reheatable stuff to take to work... I could pack up two microwaveable meals for work and skip the before work meal (saving time)... or if I wake early enough, I can make it three meals by eating before work too... but more than three meals?... where would I put all that food? (in an ever expanding stomach?... we shall play it by ear... and stomach)... increasing the daily exercise again is the change I am going to focus on most because I already have the habit of eating and getting to the gym daily again is the habit I want to bring back into my routine... yeah, that's the ticket... and learn to say no to the fast food junkies and imbalanced diets and impulse eating and lethargic habits of those around me... yes, that is as important as anything... ok, so there's my pep talk... well, sort of... it's not really a pep talk... actually, it's just me talking to me about me and it is good not to be excited about it... more seriousness means more chance of the change to actually happen... you remember, no matter how sure the decision... there is no sure thing... now we laugh... no worries, it's a very serious laugh... and I've got a feeling that a few of you out there will be holding me to the words in this entry, not that I do anything for anyone else unless I want to (I am such a stubbornly independent child... and can be atrociously selfish when I want to be... that's the key, wanting to be... wanting to take care of me in the manner best for me again... even if it increases isolation at first)... focus on the positive, yeah, I seem to forget that more often than I used to... I think you are being allowed to challenge me... influence me... lead?... hmmmm, that would be something new for me... in any case, I am not ignoring the influence so that is a good sign... and maybe I'll even visit the other community (what me?... let a whole community influence me?... wow, Amy Lee {Evanescence} must be singing now)... find somebody in this area, in the daily physical world who might be empowered to influence me?... somebody with more energy and in better shape?... really give up the life of the mostly dead?... now don't get too excited cuz you remember what happens when you get too excited... yeah, sure thing...
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