and you know someone is a friend when you can call them a zit-head and they don't pop all over you...

and besides working on the updated linkers entry and a few other entries and browsing around and writing some rhymes in other places and listening to Precious talk about her day, I am nursing a sick head... a bug, possibly the flu, but then, who knows, attacked and walloped me but good on wednesday night... what day is it now?... hey, I actually took a day off for this... and promptly lost it... all of it... the day, I mean... the night too... and here is a slightly doctored note to that effect...

hey, zit head, how's it poppin?... on wednesday evening I started feeling it and by thursday morning I could not breath without searing burning hacking coughing and so I bathed in generic nyquil and said a prayer: "now I lay me down to sleep I pray the lord my soul to keep and if I die before I wake I sure hope I don't sh=t myself" (I figure being considerate to roommies could be a final act of kindness I might pull off)... well, I woke up sometime Friday and while needed a shower because I was covered in sweat, my bowels remained intact and I was, to my surprise, still alive... after wringing out my clothes, I realized that the worst seemed to have passed and I might not need the medi-vac copter I put on standby after all... my zit-head is still mostly clogged, but I might be safe (can't say much about the world around me though)... I hope you are smiling, as much as you can, and feel better too J

and as if to demonstrate just how rapidly it was progressing, or I was deteriorating, I found this other even more doctored (or perhaps it was drugged) note that was somehow dragged out of me by the well respected and mother loving gumphood during some debauchery I was not privy to, being in a flubug and drug related stupor, and all...

can the flu be transmitted via Diaryland?... well, since you obviously want the graphic details, I'll spit a few up for you... on wednesday evening I started feeling it and by thursday morning I could not breath without searing burning hacking coughing raging dripping feverish sweat and so I bathed in generic nyquil and some odd green slime and laid down and said a prayer: "now I lay me down to sleep I pray the lord my soul to keep and if I die before I wake I sure hope I don't sh=t myself" cuz I figured hey, if the best I can do is try to be considerate to my roommies than I'll do the best I can do, even in death, that has to earn me something... selfish, perhaps, or not... anyway, I woke up sometime Friday and while I did indeed need a shower because I was covered in sweat, my bowels remained intact and I was (my hero), to my surprise, still alive... and after wringing out my clothes and hanging myself out to dry, I realized that the worst seems to have passed and I might not need the medi-vac copter I put on standby after all... may you have as pleasant a recovery (or better) from your malady...

yes, it was a dark and stormy night...

the only good thing about being an emotional orphan (besides the fact that I usualy had a roof over my head and a private room for most of my childhood) was that I was never one of those kids who depended on parental approval (or who worried about their disapproval)... rendering parents powerless over my psyche allowed me to develop into who I am without most of the fear or guilt or shame or other confusions and restrictions that repress potential...

I hear people stress over their parents reactions to grades and take it one step further, justifying their lack of effort (not completing assignments, skipping classes, disrespecting their education and therein themselves) which leads to poor grades on their parents... I've heard (and read) the phrases even if I got straight A's he'd lecture me about not getting straight A pluses so many times as an excuse for not trying to even get passing grades so often... and while I have met idiot parents who would actually say something like that, it is rare from my experience (years of working with teens and parents)...

the sad thing is the norm is that communication breaks down and neither parents nor teens have any real idea of what the other really wants or even who the person inside the roles (kid-parent) might be... think about it, can you picture your mom or dad having sex?... or spoking a joint?... or getting drunk and doing something embarrassing or even stupid?... and parents, can you imagine your kids doing the same things?...

stupidly we pretend that kids will not grow up to be adults, imperfect adults just like us, and act as though ignoring the fact that and attempting to control their lives through fear, guilt, and shame will ensure that they will remain, what?... pure? perfect? children?...

living in denial is the norm for most of humanity... it may be the only thing we all have in common that we actualize on a daily basis in our every days lives... denial dominates our decision making processes... and to deny our denial we disassociate, we delude ourselves, we create elaborate fantasies and base our very existence on them so that to deny the denial becomes a basis of psychic, even physical survival...

you might have thought there was no segue between the two primary topics of this entry (there were two primary topics?), but there was (were?... where?... what?)... it was a dark and stormy night...

did you know that A Wrinkle In Time actually does start with that line?... an amazing book too... but maybe there was more to it than that (the segue, not the book)... it's so much better than that at home... wonderful communicating around here... amazing, considering what the cultural expectations are... but then, we don't live up to expectations much around heeya...

and as the pendulum swings back toward the serious dark side, how I firmly believe that there should be a degree in parenting that must be obtained before one can actually independently full time care for a new life, a child... some fathers might deserve to be cursed as I offered in a serious, yet hoping to laugh comment I left that I shall leave where I left it... but please wish her well...

much well, very well, speedy well...

somewhere during the storm I was falling in love, lust, and amour sans tete (it's a new idiom I just found in my head... je ne parle pas Francias avec facilement... n'est pas ma language premiere, apres tout... and sometimes I laugh so hard at the way words come together, but then, I don't understand it all even when I am saying, or writing it)... and I was waking...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)