but we never actually get to the future, do we?... tomorrow is always the day after today, I mean, when tomorrow is supposed to get here, it's today again... so is tomorrow always late?... is living for tomorrow being in the state of constant lateness, living in an illusion that something that never actually arrives will somehow come along on some imaginary timeline and change things or even make everything better?... is that what waiting for heaven is all about?... is after-life the same as tomorrow?...

anyway, we can count the days that have passed into the past since we last met here in words... relatively real-time words, that is... and though that is an illusion as well, since the other illusions based on the illusion of tomorrow as defined and given credibility, we can define real-time as words written, uploaded, and read within a specific period of time... ideally, if I press the button to upload these words right now and you are checking my diary right now (which would be a minute or few from this now of pressing these keys), then we share in as close to real-time as possible in diaryland, so we can define that as real-time... in fact, if you real these words within ten or twelve hours of their uploading, that's almost real-time too so we can accept that definition of real time as well... but if you read these words (or if I upload these words) a day or few after they are written (as I will be doing with almost a dozen entries one of these days), then we might be missing out on real-time sharing... so we'd enjoy the sharing that a writer and reader share in which we both suspend time and you read the words as if I just wrote them to you, right?... well then, what does tomorrow have to do with any of this?...

heck if I know (or want to)...

my when is not your when unless we are in the same where at the same moment through at least one sensory connection and the more sensory connections we share the close to the same when and where we can come...

yeah, play with that one all you Newtonian Einsteins...

for me, as many of you have heard almost ad infinitum, especially if you've explored my other journals or further into my personal web world (with or without a map, rudimentary as it is), one of the primary goals of this life is to fall in love and that, definied by me, is most effectively done when in the same when and where (and why, how, who, and what, for that matter, but we won't go there because it might get a little confusing... who's giggling?) as completely as possible... sharing words is a fine attempt at matching whens and wheres, but it takes several leaps of faith through a few illusions, so while I don't fault anyone for loving the loving we can share through words (I certainly love it), due to my experiences with the true nature of the illusions and leaps of faith (and how fragile they are), I don't have any expectations that the literary loves we may or may not share are actually dependable in real-space/time... and in this diary, as opposed to my more illusionary written worlds, I strive to bring us (or at least me) back to life and back to the reality of the actual physical real-time when and where (and so on) so I can share the now...

now (when?... oh, the moment of this writing) it is somewhere in the middle of the week after the last entry I uploaded prior to the moment that is the now of this writing... days of wandering aimlessly through ethereal mishmash (and mishmosh, for that matter) and lazing around and reverting to old self-indulgent habits have occurred... of course I use the passive voice a lot, these are passive times... yes, you may quote me on that...

ego often gets grandious ideas that I have some wonderful gift or value to give to the world during these escapes from reality, but then, who am I to judge in my distorted perception... I don't ask, I rhetorically ponder... and I must head to work now so I pull my fingers off the keyboard and drag this body out the door, leaving my mind behind to wander about aimlessly because it has not written a complete entry for days and days (and if you understand the method to my madness, then you know I left off before coming to Dland, long before, but that's another time...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)