skipped a day and didn't even miss me?... no, actually, I missed me plenty cuz I have nobody else to talk to most of the time and I might forget who I am if I don't keep in touch with myself... Tv just doesn't cut it anymore... never really did, though I can live in fantasy most of the time... where else is there?...

would you walk a mile in my shoes?...

yesterday I slept, must have been 12 hours, maybe more... what little time I was awake was spent trying to debug the new old laptop (which has become my primary writing computer cuz I prefer the comfort of a laptop after using one as a primary computer for the last six years) which had some sort of thing happen to it... you know, one of those things... I uninstalled and repaired and reinstalled and did all sorts of things to it... I think something, maybe a scriptwall program I had installed for protection and maybe a malicious script on a website or in mail, corrupted the Windows scripting enough to make a mess of the operating system... and I was too sleepy to think yesterday to see if the hours I spent doodling in the innards of the system made any real difference... so this morning I fiddled for an hour or so, reinstalled some stuff, and it may have worked as some of the things that were broken (the technical word for computer malfunctions, right?) appear to be working now...

it is downloading Windows Media the ninth, that is, the 9.0 version of Windows Media Player... why, I don't know... some odd notion that I might upgrade a 6 year old laptop to latest edition software... the thing is it does not have the memory or connection to appreciate music or video... but it's a test to see how the system is handling downloads and installs and so on... hopefully all will go well and I'll at least be using the latest browser and plug-ins the grand pooba MS has to offer... someday I will learn Linux and have a computer upon which I can install it and stop being bugged by the buggiest product ever sold on this planet... except maybe weapons of mass destruction, but then, I'm not interested in using any of those...

so sleep, computer debugging, and of course work occupied the last thirty six or so hours... the writing spiralled into an abyss of blah after the script bug chopped my fingers out from under me... so naturally (as if I am natural or something) I slipped down into the blues and even the eternal optimist felt the impact of the fall after the rug disappeared from beneath my literary feet... look closerly and you might noticed some deadness slipped into the flow (and more slippage is expected everywhere, especially if the elusive past continues to pop up every few days or whenever to haunt taunt and otherwise flaunt it's power over the apathy and lazy ways of the gardens these days... if you do not understand, no worries, you are not alone... few ever did... maybe no one does... or will...

I have, after all, been exposing myself at will of late...

again...

meanwhile, back in reality (or was that fantasy?), Farscape provides distraction this morning... and food, too easily... fat free turkey and fat free cheese sandwiches and chocolate fudge icing for dessert... life without dessert is madness, not the good kind... or is that desert?... sometimes spelling can be so confusing...

simpletons, we are, unless of course the idiots are fooled by the cleverly placed appearances of ignorance and nobody really knows except those who have been here eye to eye heart to heart... bleeding, anyway?...

but seriously now folks, this is a daily life diary so what is happening?... nothing, and that is the point... the same simple cycle of events, the same actions, tasks, stimuli, the same old story day after day after day... the choice we have is to drone one and one about how boring and uneventful and pathetic the apparentlyly never ending (at least not until death, for all we know) spiral through relative meaningless nothingness can be... or we might learn to enjoy the merry-go-round, the endless spinning around repetitive daily events and seemingly unchanging climb back up the hill we slide back down on a regular basis... the point?... what is the point to climbing back up the slide?... what is the point of skiing down the mountain only to climb back up to do it again?... what is the point of reloading the gun only to pull the trigger and on and on and on... war comes and goes, must it have a point?... life cycles, culture cycles, everything cycles...

so if mourning is your thing, if depression floats your boat, if self-pity turns you on, complain, whine, cry, and bask in your chosen malady... but if you can find wonder in butterfly wings, excitement in a roller coaster, meaning in a genuine good deed and the smile it creates, and beauty in the sunrise and sunset, and fun in sharing the moment and anticipating the next, then you may just have stepped into the secret of life and may you always find some on your shoes...

so what's on your shoes today?

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)