five entries yesterday... five... there was the three-part Code Red Trilogy (luckily, it was three parts since I called it a trilogy, huh?... after all, I am not Douglas Adams, whom I miss a lot, even if you don't get it, but there's always hope)... and I've run the gamut from politics to sex (wait, are those really two subjects that have a gamut between them?... heck, they aren't even two subjects most of the time... ok, I was summarizing my head for myself (and you if you like), so anyway, a little while back I slipped a slightly more serious thought (that was the tip of a huge and far from cold iceberg) into my otherwise silly rambling flow and recently even thought a bit about war (I think... I mean, nobody declared a war, not officially at least... that's one way to keep the military pay rate and benefits down... stars and strips sarcasm, in case you didn't see it behind the flag waving ceremony) which would be the first time since I did at candora (of all places)... and then came the ups and downs of life and death and praise and memory and wonder... and that was just in this diary... oh, what a couple of trips to the gym can do to my crazy mixed up brain...

so, to re-summarize once again, I think... there I was just rambling on in my selfish little cocoon until some more serious stuff passed through my eyes into my brain and then the phone rang a few times and auditory reality tickled my fancy and proded my memory and rearranged my reality (yes, they picked Michael's, one of my favorite restaurants, so I did not quite exercise my will power or any other power except taste buds and chewing power... I did turn down dessert even when they ordered some, so there is some resistence to the status quo here going on... we shall see what tomorrow will bring in this ever so mundane life offline)...

yes, life around here remains sluggish and majestically uneventful... it's online life that recently stimulated me more than any other (unless you consider French Kiss on the TV active stimulation, I mean, if it produces something creative? {and not just masturbatory fantasies}... well, for whatever it's worth, it did, so thank you again Meg Ryan... and Happy Birthday... wouldn't you know {long story involving the apparent coincidence of dates of birth of those closest to me in this life while I was most awake that may mean nothing but is interesting to me even if for the numerological fun and fantasy, but that's another time, ahhrm, so we'll leave it there} or as you wish... huh?... or I could tell you about the image of Milla Jovovich in underwear {I seldom gawk, really, but sheeeesh} currently vying for my attention on this laptop {or Mila Kunis, for that matter}... something about the way basic cotton underwear wraps itself around a woman's lower lips {stop me before I drool}... and how I love the subtle pouters and the dark mysterious look {this isn't what this entry was going to be about}... of course Meg is the exception that proves the rule, whatever that saying might actually mean)...

wow, never know where parenthetic tangents might lead us, huh?...

so where were we?...

ah, well... summing up the week, sorta... see, some time during this rather roller coaster week I did rhyme a bit... I used to write three or more rhymes a day... when I was more alive... now that I am mostly dead most of the time, I do not find the rhyming inspiration pouring out of me as it used to (though I still hear the call, often, in brief moments when no one else is around or in those seconds between sleep and awake, you know, where you can still remember dreaming)... distractions definition do not help there either... but this week saw some dark and light moods flow into rhyme (and hopefully some of you are interested and this might help if you have not already noticed the new sprouts in the written gardens)... there was a few moments when the darkness of desperate hours bubbled up and that did have a companion piece which was, for me at least, more hopeful (a declarative mix of rage and plea that reminds me of how close tears and laughter really are)... and then, for you hopeless romantics and sufferers of seasonal depression looking for a ray of hope, I wrenched my heart a bit (can we spell understatement) with an early xmas (at least I hope it's a ray of hope, however slim)... and if you haven't been shocked enough by my previous paragraph, well, you can find a few more R and X rated materials if you look around enough (sneakily, I casually leave out those links this time)...

I figure you already found my memory jogging love song to amy, so I won't go on and on about how that created minced mush of my innards along it's way to being a cathartic wake-up call for my sleeping heart which in turn could wake up my hungers to share and create on every level... and so what do I do?... I go off into my fantasies and let visual images supplant real people in the flesh and blood world (cuz real people in the flesh and blood world are not as easy to come by, ummm, pun not nearly intended, honest... see me slink away with exaggerated sheepishness)...

and that's where I've been this week (as if I told you anything concrete in the previous babble, huh?... that's me, the master drawer of obscure and indeciferable treasure maps (not a very profitable profession, which is why I moonlight as a professional babysitter in an insane asylum)... so for those of you who were afraid I might suddenly lose my narcissistic nature and go all serious mush and profound or something on you, this is just an entry of reassurance... the self-centered babbling fool (with secret delusions of granduer... shhhhh) is still alive and well and not doing other people's dishes... I did just say no to Donato's tonight, which is a good sign... and for my few loyal lovers of this sort of innate literature (or me, some of you even love me, which is so wonderfully unbelievable to me and comforting too) and actually understand some of my ramblings, thank you oodles for being out there and letting me know you are...

you're all the creative mind in me has to interact with until some flesh and blood creative inspirations come along ready willing able to and wanting to share space and time with me... so take care of you cuz you take care of me...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)