yes, it�s that moment in life... I hope you understand that through experience one day, at least once in this life time... many do not... many are afraid to let go and that�s what it takes... trusting self is something many seem to forget how to do along the way from infancy to growing up (or maybe it�s something some do not learn, but I always thought it was instinctive cuz it was for me)...

and sometimes, when I think I am over the hill, I go to another concert and feel the music and move and feel the body in which I live and leave the sticky time-line behind and live in the moment... the real moment, I mean... not the moment of watching other people pretending to live in moments on TV... not that I don�t love watching moving pictures at times because I seriously love visual stimulus and stories (especially when someone gets into the moment of experiencing them with me), but the real magic moments are off screen, ya know?...

I�ve been there a lot lately, even though it�s without a partner, friends and crowds and music are the next best things to that moment in life when you touch her and actually feel alive... so I keep looking for connections in my spare time while I am enjoying life... smiles and waves, opening doors and exploring and being out there... making eye contact... having fun... and being open to sharing, that's what it's all about...

and sharing myself online in as many places as possible... mostly through words, for my ability to play with audio and video is almost nil these days, I visit communities where I've been writing occasional entries for years and I explore for new online worlds whenever I have time... lately I've explored myspace more (after having a site there for years) and while my time there is limited due to the graphic intensity and scripts on pages that crash my browser (and sometimes my whole computer), I am adding friends as I find you and adding strangers who seem like they could be friends and adding some random finds simply because there's something inspiring on their site... you know, it's what I do...

speaking of LJ (yes, well, I was in part one of this two-part entry), I found this relatively meaningless game (at least I think it�s a game) online and in a moment of yeah, whatever I signed up not just once, but twice... in fact, it prompted me to put my second ever post in my myspace because, after all, why bother signing up for something that is myspace specific if you don�t tell the world of myspacers... and just cuz I�m rambling on here and most of you may not even be watching, here�s the thing I signed up for...


it's gone... I don't know why, but it's gone... you can find the links my myspace blog and in my LiveJournal journal, I think, but they lead back to the site that has other stuff on it (worth exploring I think), but not this particular thing that was once here... so nevermind... and carry on (who knows, I might even get serious somewhere down the page)...

if you�re at LJ or MS, sign up and you become my children and I know that�s long been your dream goal in life, right... happy to oblige... yeah, I know, it�s called a combat card... probably some sort of game like the battle of the blogs at those blog exchange sites that I almost never participate in... but heck, it was something to do, wasn�t it?... and took up space in an entry, didn�t it?...

speaking of blog exchanges, my excitement over blogmad has waned a bit, but not as much as it may appear (if it waned a lot the links on the left would not be up there at the top of this page) based on my absence from the site... but then, anyone reading my rambles would know I think about the people over there and miss them lots and miss the site too (in spite of the burn of suddenly having 8000 credits taken away for no apparent reason other than maybe the site crashed again or maybe to punish me for not being there or just to try to get my attention, in any case, that sort of thing sucks and has definitely not helped inspire me to try to squeeze a moment out to send a message via the site... I do leave comments for some when I have a spare second though), but the fact is I just have not had time to be online enough to spend time chatting there or anywhere...

maybe you notice the sudden flood of entries today because I finally have a few hours to put some of the scribble files together into entries?... the irony of that teasing sarcasm that inspires giggles from me and friends (are you my friend?) is that some who might call themselves my friend would actually not notice this... and a downbeat...

so I put myself out here in any way I can find and sometimes I do not use my mind sometimes I just click and play and plug myself into whatever is hot for the day no matter how silly or superficial or meaningless it may seem or really be because I never know where the one I'm looking for might come to find me...