I shall return (again, hopefully tomorrow), but this is enough for tonight... another week of entries caught up, about two more weeks to go and we're back in that elusive moment we call now...

way back in the bungalow entry (otherwise known as breezy corners), I started along a trail that passed through historic personal landmarks (the old neighborhood, for instance) and some of the people I grew up with and those times when music mattered most... and I got to thinking about the friends I knew and how over ther years we've gone such different ways and many found their own form of success... most of my friends from the early years expressed disappointment in me when we met as adults because, as they would say, I had so much potential... bittersweet feeling, that, as they thought so highly of me as to think I was a failure because I wasn't a millionaire or superstar by the time I was 25 (though not everyone took that view)...

I suppose that's what comes of growing up in an upper middle class area of japs and iaps (that's Jewish and Italian American Princesses and of course their Princely counterparts) and where success is defined by how well you dress, how big your house is, and what kind of car you drive... I just didn't expect those closest to me to play the tsk tsk game, but we live and learn...

borrowing some words from The Moody Blues Seventh Sojourn and Justin and John's Blue Jays I reflect back about how I just didn't seem to fit in anywhere even as I was welcome in most of the crowds and parties, I was inspired to write an ode to successful friends in the hope that maybe one or two might remember how we dreamed as we lay away all night in basement after-parties or under the stars and by sunrise anything was possible...

sometimes one or two would actually still be awake with me...

and slowly but surely, to segue into another thought, I am putting myself out there... I refer to the publicness of myspace and my using it to express myself more and more (and you'll see a bunch of sample entries from there in this catch up session here in case you don't have time to explore there)... it is not a hidden away diary or blog like most of the writing spaces I have tucked away here and there on the net... it is out there and people I live with and work with and grew up with and long lost family and people who actually know me in the flesh read the words I post there... maybe that's why I've left the particular profile picture I have there up for so long (I used to change them every time I found something interesting in an image)... kind of an exposure thing... a challenge... hoping to inspire or provoke an inquiry... contact...

few who share time and space in real life at home or at work and who know about my online worlds mention it (those who do, laugh)... I wonder sometimes how many people decided not to add me because of the picture... and even more, I wonder how people who know me in the daily life world have had their opinions of me change after reading my rambles and rhymes there... and maybe the real wonder that started me along this line of thought is the content and how knowing so many people in my offline life influences my words there... I do not consciously (at least not yet) choose to write about certain things (or avoid certain things)... but surely I am subconsciously influenced by any audience and daily life friends and work colleagues are out there...

surely goodness and mercy will follow me all through my madness...

and for you, my dear loyal wonderful readers (be you occasional or frequent), I am starting to wonder what you think of the tone and texture and content over at my myspace blog... in fact, I am starting to wonder how different I may read at my various recent writing spaces (most words flow into a few places these days)... but for once I do not want anyone going anywhere or commenting about anything cuz I bring it up... if this makes any sense, I want unbiased opinions... heck, my bringing it up probably spoiled that possibility... but then, not for the intelligent open minded geniuses among you... and the cynics too...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)