maybe I'll come back and have something to say about these, but for now, I'll open 2007 with some random internet tests that hold as much meaning as they do meaninglessness, which make them very zen...

feel free to play...

You've Experienced 96% of Life

You have an amazing amount of life experience. In fact, you've seen and done more than most people. So congratulate yourself on what you've done so far. The future is only going to be more of the same!

ok, so I'm finally back here to continue babbling and I'll start in the middle of this right here by thinking there sure are a whole lot more life experiences than the ones in this text so I don't think I'm all that much a 96 percenter, but I'll accept I've experience a whole lot more than you're average church-going (or not) average person... you'ver all played rather silently, so far at least, which makes me kind of think of a church, I suppose, but hey, enjoy life any way you wish, interactions are almost always optional and surely that goes here...

of course if you do want more life experience, interaction is much less optional because much life experience comes through interaction... and for our next sermon, we come to another way too limited test, but still finding enough accuracy to inspire a smile...

Your Taste in Music:

80's Alternative: Highest Influence 80's Pop: Highest Influence 80's Rock: Highest Influence 90's Alternative: Highest Influence 90's Pop: Highest Influence

yes, apparently my highest influences in music come from all five of the measures this test provided and what this test doesn't tell us is that many more influences come from many other categories of music as well... you remember music, dontcha?...

You Are 22% Angry

You're occasionally angry, but it's really not an issue. While you may give in to your temper once and a while, you're pretty mellow. And as long as your anger doesn't effect your relationships, then it's probably in check. You know that anger is a bad habit - and you don't engage in it often.

I suppose I could (and by every normal standard, be quit angry over the loss (and theft) of music I experienced in this life, but being an angry young (or old, for that matter) man is way too one dimensional for my tastes, I simply forge ahead and occasionally mourne the losses and feel the bleeding wounds of betrayals (for only the betrayer can actually remove the knife, you know) and as Tanya Tucker says, I've learned to live and personally, singing that sad song is but a fraction of the feelings I experience living and I'm happy to find most of the feeling are wonderful happy joy (and happy happy joy joy too) because I can still feel the depths and experience the catharsis of dying and rebirth regularly... that's much of what music is about for me... and life too...

Your Movie Buff Quotient: 98%

You are a movie buff of the most obsessive variety. If a movie exists, chances are that you've seen it. You're an expert on movie facts and trivia. It's hard to stump you with a question about film.

and movies too... yes, I would have put a whole lot more obscure films and a whole lot more diversity into this test, but then, it did have a fair spread for popular consumption so I felt it held enough validity to include it... I miss sharing movies almost as much as I miss sharing music for movies can bring me to catharsis even faster and more profoundly than music alone because it involves audio and visual senses in a longer story form than most songs... I think the word expert is handed out way too easily in all online tests though...

Your Gluttony Quotient: 47%

You definitely have your gluttonous moments. For you, eating is a true hobby. And while you do spend a lot on food, you can always make it back winning eating contests.

personally, I think I am a much more powerful glutton than this test measured, but that may for the moment and the test is probably more accurate for my overall habits� I definitely have gluttonous moments� especially at a good all-you-can-eat buffet or around milk chocolate� and yes, eating is a true hobby, a sensual hobby, sometimes an abstract art� unfortunately, eating contests don't pay even a fraction of what I've spent on food� but it is an amusing concept�

You Are a Mermaid

You are a total daydreamer, and people tend to think you're flakier than you actually are. While your head is often in the clouds, you'll always come back to earth to help someone in need. Beyond being a caring person, you are also very intelligent and rational. You understand the connections of the universe better than almost anyone else.

this is no surprise, though I can project an anal retentive presence just as easily, especially at work� I find that keeps everyone out of my business so I can have maximum autonomy within the limits of whatever job I am doing� but away from the desk, yup, I can see this one, even with it's exaggerations, as very much me� but you go right on thinking I'm flaky or whatever if it keeps you coming back�

You Have Low Self Esteem 0% of the Time

Which can be translated to mean, you have high self-esteem and a healthy sense of self worth. You believe in yourself, and you know how to be the real you. You love yourself, imperfections and all.

You Are 20% Cynical

Cynical? Not even close! If anything, you're a bit naive. Overall, you enjoy life and try not to be paranoid. Even if you've been burned before.

alas, my cover is not completely blown, is it?� shhhhh, remember how cynical I can appear to cynical eyes and you don't always have to see the silver lining and giggles and smiley faces underneath (cuz then I'd be too flakey to ever be taken seriously, ya know?� I know, at least one of you hates when I do this, but heck, so many don't even understand what I am doing, no less have an opinion, no less be moved to passionate rambling about it� ya know?�

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

melancholic, aye?� mostly accurate, though I I love the chaos (I love to boogie� song cue)� I could use some more of that alone time, that's for sure, but on the other hand, the peace is everywhere, just not focused without the time� ironically, I don't sweat the small stuff, even though I babble into thought webs and tapestries of intricate details� though I love it when I feel in touch with and aware of everything (like when I am in love or just waking up or at the 23rd mile mark of a good marathon or the 15th mile mark of a fair one)� I maybe get trapped in negative thoughts at times (that may be what keps me in the no-exercise � comfort food loop I've been in for a while), but it's mostly the boredom side of loneliness, especially physical, cuz I crave all sensual stimulations, but most especially oral�

how many words does it take to say lonely, after all?...

I dunno, but I've got billions J

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable. Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life. By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

oh gee, flattery will get you a giggle and me trying to figure olut how to say this is so true without sounding too egotistical� it's not the great thing it might seem like, really, unless one wants to be completely altruistic and turn off all personal desires and sensuality, because the last line is the truest of all� I don't like to think about this much because as much as ego basks and there's a wonderful feeling about my chamelon-like sensitivity and freedom to be as I want to be (which is the essence, ultimately, not being afraid to be open to others, empathize, and mold yourself to specific wants/needs), there's also the deepest loneliness�

the loneliness of Don Juan, aye? (giggles are so wrong just here, but the irony mixes with the hope to produce them every time because I've been through the angst and questioning enough times to be sure beyond any doubt that I am what I am and I am as I want to be and I love me just this way I am cuz no other way is more fun or rewarding or alive� even if nobody else ever understands or shares)�

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

surprise?� what surprised me was just how accurate so many of these tests are� I must thank the commenter in Serenity (remind me to link, as if this line down here in this past entry will actually be noticed and clicked on� but we can dream and more than dream, I can credit in the manner I feel is right for me� this thank you typed and posted on the web may seem like a meaningless gesture or even a desperate attempt to connect all the dots in the world {at least those people I'd like to be more directly connected to than merely sharing the universe as we all do with everything} and maybe it is, but more than mere karma points or even maintaining a balance of energy, it feels right for me and the more I do what feels right for me, the better I feel and can share� that doesn't have to make sense to anyone but me and it's just fine too)�

what was the purpose of my life again?� ah, the wonderful laughter of feeling comfortable and right for myself inside� maybe I am alone in the world because I am so in love with myself that it overwhelmes anyone trying to be intimate with me because they need a comparable energy of self-love or they feel inadequate or undeserving or afraid for reasons all their own� I've been told that, so it's a perspective I've tried to understand, but except as an intellectual exercise, low self-esteem and anything other than unconditional self-love makes no sense to me� I've been told by a few who've known me best {by far} that I should just give up on the personal sharing of partnership and focus on the altruistic sharing of the love in me� I'm told it'll make me look better and stronger and more approachable and I'd help more people and wouldn't come off as an egotist or a whiney child� and the whiney child says, huh?� give up on the dream of true love for myself? and the rest of me laughs all the more cuz there's just no way I'm going to deny my heart {and inner child} the #1 dream {no matter how much whining I might do} so here we are and what have we learned?� I'm a stubborn child, no doubt)�

wait, we're not done, there's part two in the next entry...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)