the blogger outage sent me scurrying around to my other writing haunts in recent days and because you darling babble lovers crave the most for your entry and want to know everything, I shall, accompanied by the amazing vocal performances and slippery innuendos of the lovely and talented Frampton Sisters, and bring you some of the tastes of the elsewheres that get my attention when I am not here...

I did, as I do more and more often these days, go wander around myspace (where I found a rather judgmental kid insisting that I be insulted because she called me a freak... as if, even... I mean, I didn't even begin to get anywhere near freaky on her, but it's so tempting now, isn't it?... poor thing, hasn't been out into the world yet... and she don't know me vewwy well, do she?) and other comments and messages I finally got to respond to, but I actually found myself babbling in the long lost this candor could be yours, which is the current name of the old live journal that was the first step outside of my own website into a public site for journaling online... people I knew there may have long since left me for dead (or even mostly dead, nyuk nyuk) as I seldom write there anymore, but there are a few really fantastic people I still hear from now and then when they notice I've showed my face...

it's a lot like life, this blogging universe... people seem to find a comfort zone, a home town, so to speak, and make themselves comfortable and stay there... I've never had a home town, per say, since NYC is a bit huge to give that home town feeling... even schools there don't have the same proms and rallies and community involvement and activities that the rest of the country takes for granted... and I've always been comfortable drifting in and out of groups of people and from place to place from the time I was very young...

it's mostly cuz I live in the moment and so when the fun dies down I realize that the one I want to be with (besides me) is not where I am, so I wander off to share something somewhere else in case the one I want to be with is over there, wherever there might be at any given moment... she's wandering around looking for me... I don't want to ponder to probabilities of the timing of our actually bumping into each other just now cuz mathematics is a killer for hope and illusions (sneaking out of statistics class again, am I?)...

ah, but shoot a bit of reality in here before the lament and loneliness take hold... did I mention that I spent $200 on holiday gifts and candy for the people at work?... that's almost as much as I spent on Halloween, I think... insanely me, that is... there is no wonder why I don't have the expensive toys I used to have, I enjoy giving stuff away too much... the state database is still as wonky as ever and the government man (it's a three parter) still hasn't gotten back to me even though he said he would days ago at the latest... I didn't expect him to change his habits now... my guess is that he can't get the process he needs to teach me right himself, so he's avoiding trying to teach me what he doesn't know...

so I spent the morning shopping and then putting together gift bags as my office turned into a mini-Santa's workshop... and much chocolate at work... and then home to canned dinner and cheese filled breadsticks and I think I'll start eating healthy again next year... hopefully my doctor will not read me a riot act as my semi-annual check up is the 29th... I feel good, just not as great as I usually feel cuz of the slowness of the blubber... sadly, I am still moving faster than most people around me and have no motivation to kick my own butt into gear...

oh, but I did put yet another personal add online... I'll put the copy into an entry any day now (maybe next, aye?)... another message in a bottle into a tiny pond hoping that's the place the one I want to be with might turn up... it's so much fun, I can hardly stand it (shhh, pretend you don't hear the giggles)... I also signed up at some writer's board that has less than a dozen members... all thanks to my myspace wandering...

but how about I include the entry from livejournal here... after months, it because a catch up entry and it gives you the links to the writer's board and local personal that I know you're just dying to run and read...

is never more apparent to me than here... for this was the first place I came as I drifted from the womb I created in a vain attempt to believe in a mother who turned out to be a fucker in the most painful sense of the word and to reach out to the world from a position of rebirth yet, for all the time that passed away from the womb and between now and the beginning of this first step into the world of public community site writing, this is where I've been scattered most of all...

in the past six months I've been returning to the concert floor averaging at least a concert a week, though that's slowed considerably this month (perhaps that is why I am away so late on a work night, late because now I work days after years of working nights... perhaps is it excess energy and increasing hunger to share, to socialize, to interact with people... to be understood and appreciated and cared for... a boy can dream, aye?)... you can find a list of most of the concerts I've squirmed my way to the front of the stage at over in the real time blog (and if google gets their act together I might keep it there) where I am supposedly trying to keep track of the events of the day offline in brief (yes brief) entries...

also in that time space, I've started blogging over at my myspace blog... somehow I am attracting a few readers there and the my perception of the publicness of the site is influencing my writings in strange and enjoyable ways (for me, at least)... of course there's a voice in the background of my mind singing I'm just a man who's intentions are good, oh lawd, please don't let me be misunderstood and amused by the spectacle I am imagining it might become as real people from my real offline life, people I see daily, people with whom I live and work are fully aware of and connected as myspace friends there... it's been mentioned in passing, but nothing specific and nobody's asked or confronted me about anything yet and hopefully they are enjoying the ramblings and rhymes...

I am still babbling on and on and on (ad infinitum) in life in black and white behind the candoor (which would have been called behind the candor if someone else hadn't beaten me to my own name over at diaryland), though I am uploading in sudden spurts which completely befuddle virtually my whole audience there (and it was the largest once upon a time when I wasn't so haphazard and, well, befuddling)...

and there are other places (some mentioned previously, some new that I'll probably mention and link somewhere down the line)... one that comes to mind is a tribute to December 1st that inspired me to open a place for it, like there's a place for us, somewhere a place for us and for all who were once in love...

there's also a new local public blog hoping others in Florida will pick up it and will use it... my addiction to writing has not subsided, I just slipped so far out of the habit of coming here I even somehow messed up the password and had to reset it (even though I remembered it correctly... maybe it was the new security layer they put here)...

and just tonight I put yet another local personal online (which is amusingly ridiculous as I rarely get back to my onion blog (see previous entry for a link) , and what with just a few dozen (if that many) member so far (and maybe a half dozen females and yes, though I am not in the least homophobic, I still find my sensual attractions lead me to a narrow set of females, for what it's worth to ya), I don't expect much... I did write a message to one person there... now if I just remember to check before the new year...

and I signed up for a new writer's board (and wrote yet another odd introduction which I'll most likely include in a future behind the candoor babble), though only nine people have gotten there ahead of me, so it's quiet enough to be hunting wabbits over there...

and the new job, to jump offline a moment, that's much fun (who'd have thought data entry would be fun?.. just me)... actually, they call me a clinical data specialist and I do assessments and play other clinical roles, but I've been having much fun creating databases and spreadsheets and queries and forms and reports and flow charts and all sorts of fun for the directors and they've been loving me up with Fish Awards (wow, huh?)... adjusting to the day shift was a breeze, though every now and then I get the urge to stay up all night writing... like tonight)...

I probably left out a lot, but I'll leave some for next time just in case I get back here before the next millennium (probably will)... maybe consolidating my babblings and rhymes in one personal domain would be the best idea all around, but so far that
s not in the works... and until it is, I'll come wandering back here now and then, like a long lost friend, singing sure is good to see you once again...

hope you are loving life as much as you can and life is loving you even more...

nite nite

and that about sums up this entry my loving readers and rabbits out there in cyberspace... more repetitive than most, perhaps, but then, somehow more revealing than any before, except maybe the next one, aye?...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)