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2004-08-16 - 1:36 a.m. pen and paper well, what did it take to get me back here with pen in hand, albeit a crappy one (the pen, the hand is ok, mostly, I think)... only a category 4 hurricane named Charley and the crumbling walls of the fortress of solitude I build around my... what?... me?... maybe... recently I feel a noticeable increase in the hunger to share more personally, more intimately, more one-on-one as if we are the only two people in the world that matter... and time is absorbed by work and roommates and TV and other activities that others suggest (not abhorant or even unpleasant activities, just not the sharing that satisfies the growing hunger I refer to now)... of course I can say no and go my own way as I have throughout this life when that was my choice, but that might be feeding into isolationism and giving up on humanity and that is a path I do not want to walk down any further than I already have... so I sit here, no, I lay here in the dim glow of a lamp oil flame and what comes to mind first if not the fact that I am competing for the limited oxygen in this closed room and that my eyes want more light to focus and my hand does not want to grip the pen just so and concentrate the muscles on printing as I used to when the eyes were younger eyes and the hand was a younger hand and in love with watching the written word form thought and emotion flowed through my fingers and poured out in ink on paper... and I think aging, the state of mind and body that it is, is tiring and boring and a cowards way out and then, I drift into mediocre thoughts and feel uninspired... lost somewhere in lost memories...
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